Raven
Iwatched as a sea of emotions flickered across Chris’s face, and my heart rose into my throat. Hatred. Pain. Regret.
But most of all, a self-loathing that made me sick to my stomach.
Chris was hurting. Badly.
Whatever had happened to him during his time in Russia still haunted him to this day. Something familiar called to me as I blinked at him.
There was fear. Deep, raw, aching fear.
Fear of the unknown. Fear of being loved. Fear of loving something and them not loving you back. It was there, all reflected back at me through his sad, amber eyes.
Caden said something close to my ear, but I didn’t even register the words.
No. Everything within me was focused on Chris.
Caden grew silent. So did Kashton. The air was heavy around us, the tension thick. The rising panic within me made it difficult to breathe.
“Kroshka, you’re going to destroy me if you keep looking at me like that,” Chris said, his voice low and thick with emotion. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down at the floor. “Idespise myself for putting that sadness in your eyes. Tell me how I can erase it?”
When his gaze finally lifted to mine, his amber depths were watery with tears. Caden dropped his arms from around me and allowed me to move toward Chris.
“Stop thinking this is your fault, Chris.” I sighed and gathered the thoughts that wanted to spin out of control. “You can’t control the actions of others, so stop blaming yourself.”
His jaw clenched, and he shook his head. “But it’s because of me this happened.”
I counted slowly to five, then ten, before I responded. Because the stubborn, pig-headed male did not understand what I was trying to convey to him.
Caden placed a hand on the center of my back, and energy filled me. Just the simple touch was enough to help me gather my wits.
“Chris, get your head out of your ass before I do it for you.” Kashton stood before the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. “We’ve said stop, Raven said stop. It’s time to let it go. If you can’t even forgive yourself, how do you think anyone else will? You’ll hold on to the guilt until you’re bitter, and then it’ll just keep eating away at your insides until you’re nothing but a shell of yourself.”
“What he said!” I exclaimed. “The same way you guys keep telling me to trust you to not leave, or believe you are attracted to me. It’s like jumping off a cliff into the water. You’re scared, yes, but you know it’ll be okay because your friends are down in the water having a great time. A blind leap of faith, trusting those you love and that love you in return.”
Chris turned those molten caramel eyes on me, and I found myself sucking in a harsh breath. The raw desire and love reflected within them stole the breath from my lungs. He leaned forward and took my face between his large hands. “We’ve asked you to trust us blindly, so we should do the same for you.” His accent was thick with emotion before his lips brushed over mine in the lightest of kisses.
My toes curled as he held me to him. I found myself kneeling on the couch just to get closer to him. Caden let me go but kept one hand on my back so I’d know he was there. The simple and chaste kiss made the world around me brighten.
Chris lifted his head, and his gaze danced over my face. “Thank you for not being angry with me.” He ran his thumb over my bottom lip, and I shuddered against him.
“I don’t think I could ever be truly angry with you,” I whispered in reply. My heart shattered at the desolation in his voice.
Kashton snorted. “Just wait, baby girl. I’m sure that’ll be put to the test throughout our relationship.”
Chris rolled his eyes and scratched his temple with his middle finger. “Love you too, Wulf.”
My stomach chose that moment to let out a loud gurgle. What was it with my digestive system and making the most obnoxious noises during emotional conversations?
The guys did their best to hide their humor, but as soon as I started laughing, they followed suit.
Leaning forward, Chris kissed my forehead. “Let’s get you some food, kroshka.”
“Good idea,” I agreed and reached toward the coffee table for what I guessed was my plate. Because I highly doubted that the guys would make themselves a smiley face on top of my waffle with bacon for a mouth and eggs for eyes.
“Let me please.” Chris held his hand out for my plate, and I handed it over with a nod. He balanced it on the arm of the couch as he guided me to sit sideways in his lap. My legs dangled over one of his powerful thighs to stretch out on the couch.
Caden gathered my feet and started to rub the arches soothingly. Energy flowed into me, and despite how difficult the evening was, I felt safe and loved with my guys.
Chris began to feed me small bites of waffle, each with a bit of eggs and dipped in syrup. I wiggled happily on his lap, enjoying the combination of savory and sweet.
“I love breakfast for dinner.” I licked my lips, tasting the stray bits of syrup. “It’s my favorite. So comforting.”
Caden gave me a strange look, his head cocking to the side. “Mine too.” He cleared his throat. “My mom raised me by herself, working two jobs and sometimes more. But she always managed to put food on the table, and this was one of her favorites. Even if it was just pancakes or waffles and eggs, she always had to make sure there was lots of butter on the waffles, then the syrup. A very specific order.”
I smiled, enjoying the light of love that entered his eyes as he spoke of his mom. “It’s the only way to do it. Lots of butter and syrup.”
The laughter that filled the room at my statement made my heart lighten.
Kashton put on some mindless TV in the background. Anime, because it was a great compromise between cartoons and adult shows. I need to make sure I rewatch this one later. The mage was some sort of Wendigo who gave off total Daddy vibes. Yummy.
Chris finished feeding me and then took a few bites for himself. I relaxed against his chest and continued to watch the show as time slowly ticked by. I tried not to think about Bryan and Mariya.
But it was next to impossible.
I needed to put it from my mind. I didn’t want Chris to clam up again.
His hand moved up and down my back, soothing me with the lightest of touches. My fingers curled against his chest as I fought back the yawn desperately trying to crawl out of my body.
I failed.
Chris chuckled, having felt me trying to fight it. “Let’s get some sleep, alright?”
I groaned, not wanting to get up just yet. But once Kashton paused the show, I knew they’d turned Daddy Mode on, and there would be no arguing.
“Come on, kroshka.” Chris rose to his feet with me in his arms and approached the bed.
“What about work tomorrow?” I asked, then a monster yawn stretched my lips as he placed me on the soft bedding.
“Lucky for you, the snooty executives know your boss was recently arrested, so I think they’ll give you a pass if you need to work from home.” Kashton flipped back the comforter and crawled in on the other side.
“Are all of you sleeping in bed with me?” I asked, only slightly panicking at the thought of the three sexy as fuck guys surrounding me. How was I supposed to maintain control?
Kashton’s brows rose and his lips curled into a devilish smirk. Oh shit. I’d said the last part out loud.
“Dammit,” I muttered.
The guys laughed.
“I’m gonna crash on the couch,” Caden pointed his finger over his shoulder at the couch as he smirked. “Love Kashton and Chris to death, but don’t really feel like snuggling or spooning with them.”
I giggled. “Not into MM within the harem?”
Three sets of eyes glanced at me with curious expressions. “Book language. It’s when the guys also have physical interactions with each other as well as their female.”
Chris coughed before he burst into laughter. “I agree with Caden. I love you both, but I’m straight.”
“Sorry, baby girl.” Kashton grinned and kissed my forehead. “No ‘MM’ here. Sorry, not quite the same as your book boyfriends.”
“Book boyfriends? You’ve been on BookTok, haven’t you?” My brows furrowed as I pointed a finger at him.
Kashton shrugged. “Possibly. Wanted to know more about what you like to read. Which led me down a crazy rabbit hole.”
I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing. The fact that this man had done research on BookTok was both hilarious and one of the sweetest things ever.
“No more about BookTok,” Chris grumbled. “Spent entirely too much time of my life on that damn app. Time that I’ll never get back. Now, let’s get some sleep.”
I sat up in bed and stared down at Chris, who was getting settled against the pillows.
“What?” He asked me with a furrowed brow as my mouth dropped open as I continued to stare at him.
“I can’t believe you both spent time on BookTok.”
Caden cleared his throat. “All of us, not just them.” Heat rushed to his cheeks, redness rising to the surface as I smiled.
“You guys are just incredible. I hope you know that.” I was overwhelmed with emotion. They had wanted to know more about what interested me and looked into it. No one had ever cared so much about my interests, not even Ryan.
Chris settled me against his chest, my ear just above his rapidly beating heart. “Love you all, my perfect Daddies.”