Rosalind’s POV
We sat next to each other but we had never felt further apart.
After overhearing what they had said at that meeting, I withdrew.
Maybe it was cowardly of me. Cowardly of me to just want to dissociate myself because of the amount of pain even the thought of Cillian with someone else was giving me.
I didn’t want to think about it. I really didn’t yet all night I tossed and turned imagining how he would be with her.
If he would kiss her the way he would me like I was oxygen he needed to survive.
I wondered if he would touch her like he did me and I wondered which I would prefer. If he being distant with her would make me happy because it meant I mattered to him or sad because even if he cared about me, care wasn’t enough.
It was no surprise when he picked up on the negative vibe I was giving off against my wishes.
“You have been avoiding me, Rosalind.”
I bowed slightly avoiding his gaze.”I apologise if you feel that way, Prince Cillian.”
He took my hand and I looked at how small my hand looked in his. How perfect our hands looked together. Wonderful. I was now simping about his hand. I was hopeless.
His voice cut through my dangerous musings.
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to tell me what I did wrong.”
I refused to look at him.
“You could never do anything wrong. You are a prince.”
His thumb stroked over my finger in his grasp and I suddenly felt unable to reason well when all of my nerves were fixated at that point of contact.
“Rosalind.”
I yanked my hand out of his and shifted away from him to keep the sanctity of my thoughts before I could find my voice again.
“I have learnt sufficiently, I think it would be best if you gave me a job here or sent me back to my cleaning duties.”
Cillian was silent and I could hear him breathing next to me. We were alone in the hall. If this selection business wasn’t going down we would have been at each other.
Kissing, touching and one step closer to forgetting the reasons we shouldn’t and giving in to our passions.
I felt his hand on my shower, soft, inquiring and I felt myself melt and shatter into a thousand pieces from that touch alone.
“Rosalind, look at me.”
I turned slightly and my eyes met his hypnotic hazel eyes.
Cillian looked tired. Like he hadn’t slept in a while but he was still breathtakingly handsome. I found myself softening again.
“I’m sorry. About that time in my room, I shouldn’t have hesitated”
I moved out of his grasp, shaking myself slightly. What was I doing? How could I conveniently forget that soon prospective brides would be here in the palace. His prospective brides.
“You don’t need to apologise to me. What happened was what needed to happen. You are a prince and I am not the person for you. We forgot that for an instant but it is time to get back to reality.”
The words felt like broken glass moving through my throat. It hurt and hurt. Never had my omega status hurt me as much as it did now.
Cillian shook his head vehemently.
“Rosalind, you know all these things don’t matter to me…”
I didn’t let him finish before I cut in.
“I know about the bride selection. I overheard everything.”
Cillian was in front of me cupping my cheeks, his gaze imploring.
“Rosalind, I will talk to them. Just give me some time. I have started to talk to them. I can convince them… I can’t live without you.”
His voice broke on the last word and I couldn’t take it anymore as I embraced him. His arm came around me tightly and he buried his head in my neck.
Everything wasn’t okay anymore but I felt at peace. His scent washed over me and I heard my wolf speak for the first time in a long time.
Mate.
The shock of the discovery jarred me away from him as I looked at Prince Cillian in horror as a painful realization set in.
This was the reason we couldn’t stay away from each other and that a whole prince was begging me to stay with him.
What a horrible twist of fate for the Goddess to give me a mate I couldn’t have.
“Rosalind for the goddess’ sake talk to me.”
I blinked back tears.
“I’m not angry at you, Cillian. I can’t. But please, let me heal from you.”
“Rosalind…”
I ignored the pain in Cillian’s voice as I left the hall.
****
I found myself on the rooftop balcony that I had found one day while I was cleaning. It wasn’t like it was me who discovered it per say as it was constructed for something but no one seemed to notice it was there due to the slant of the roof.
It was there I found myself as I picked gently forward and back words as the tears I couldn’t control escaped me.
Then I heard a voice.
“This is my spot.”
I hurriedly wiped at my tears not wanting Prince Killian to see me like this. He would be inordinately pleased about my unhappiness.
“I’m really not in the mood for you, Prince Killian.”
He settled in on the raised platform next to me.
“I know. I overheard your little lovers spat.”
“Of course you did.”
My face flushed as I imagined how entertained he must have felt watching it play out knowing he had warned both of us severally. “Are you here to rub it in my face?”
Prince Killian was silent then when he spoke it was with a thoughtfulness that had me glancing at him.
“No. You look broken. It’s no fun breaking something that’s already broken. We will have a truce for now.”
Why did I find his words so funny yet calming?
Prince Killian handed me an open bottle of wine. I mean why resort to a glass or tumbler when you can just carry the entire bottle around looking for heartbroken girls to give.
I stifled an irrational laugh and took a swing from the bottle hoping it would make my thoughts of Cillian diminish only to end up gagging and coughing at the taste of the wine.
“Goddess this is foul.”
Prince Killian scoffed and took his wine back.
“I don’t expect someone like you to be able to appreciate quality wine.”
The laugh escaped me this time at his disgruntled tone. “I knew it was too good to be true. Your truce lasted all of two minutes.”
He huffed in response.
“Whatever.”
I fought back a smile. How could he make me feel so… warm and good after the awful day I had?
I looked at him only to discover that he was looking at me with a faintly open expression.
“For what it’s worth. I don’t think both of you should give up on your insensible relationship because of an antiquated council.”
“Really?”
My eyebrows almost reached the sky with the amount of surprise I was feeling.
“I thought you wanted us to break up?”
Prince Killian didn’t look at me as he spoke. “I do.”
It was official. I would never understand him. Not that I needed to. He was an asshole that was a prince. I didn’t understand and I didn’t want to understand. Look what understanding Cillian had done to me.
He was my mate. My actual authentic mate. Fuck.
This was bad. Really bad.
I tried to focus on anything. Literally anything else. I looked around sceptically. Was this average place, a place where Prince Killian cane to unwind?
“Is this really your spot?”
He arched a delicious-looking brow. Wait what? I shouldn’t be finding him attractive, especially not when he gave that sardonic smile as he teased.
“Are you accusing your prince of lying, insolent wench?”
I smiled lightly.
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
Prince Killian studied my lips as though they had carried out an impossible feat and his game rose and my breathing became laboured as I imagined his calloused hand tracing my lips before kissing the hell out of me.
He pulled back slightly and it felt like the burning pressure in the room disappeared as he gave me a side glance. His voice was thick as molasses when he spoke. “IThis doesn’t make us friends or anything. I still think you are a money-grabbing whore reaching far above her station.”
I folded my arms.
“I still think you are an arrogant prince with a stick up his ass.”
Prince Killian rolled his eyes like I had said something indescribably stupid.
“A prince always has a stick up his ass. It’s in the job description.”
I laughed so hard tears gathered in my eyes at the memory of the pain of that day.
I realized what he had done now. He used his humour to elevate my downcast mood. It seemed like there was more to Prince Killian than I thought initially.
“Thank you, Killian.”
Prince Killian looked at me and I couldn’t for the life of me take my eyes off him.