We can’t go back.
It’s best for me to stay away from him; he only brings me pain. This decision was made long ago. I might waver, but I’m resolute. Andrew and I can never be.
And that’s okay. People move on, grow, and reflect. I’ve never had a solid foundation in my life. I’m scarred, quick-tempered, and there’s a good chance I’ll never have a normal relationship. But it’s also true that there are many ways to seek help, and I’m going to try them before giving up on myself. I managed to escape my father’s clutches, complete my studies, and feel human emotions in an almost ordinary way. I’ve made progress. Some have suffered like I have and couldn’t break free. I should be grateful for that.
Donovan helped me believe there’s life beyond my traumas. He instilled in me a mindset where I recognized a strength I never thought I possessed. He shattered the self-pity I felt and showed me how powerful I can be.
He gave me hope.
And for that, I will always love him.
But for now, we can’t be together…
Who am I kidding? After all this introspection, I can’t let him go.
Even if he shattered my heart time and again, he would forever occupy it.
And before I knew it, I was at his doorstep, convincing myself not to regret what I was about to do: hand over the remnants of my heart one last time, hoping he’d help mend them.
I knocked twice, my face already flushed and my heart racing with anticipation. Before I could even gather my thoughts, the door swung open to reveal a disheveled Andrew, his hair amiss and… a hint of intoxication in his gaze?
We stood in silence, simply staring at each other… And I relished it. It solidified just how deeply I loved him and how much I’d missed him. But the quiet stretched on to a point where I yearned for him to say something, anything; the suspense was unbearable.
He looked breathtaking with his tousled jet-black hair, eyes gleaming with emotion, and to top it off, he was biting his lower lip, holding back words.
“Won’t you say something?” I pressed, yearning to hear his voice.
“It depends,” he murmured awkwardly, his gaze dropping to the floor as he cleared his throat.
A nervous laugh bubbled up, the sudden fear of rejection overwhelming me. “On what?”
Casting a sideways glance at me, tears brimming and my lower lip reddened from biting it so hard, he whispered, “Are you here to say goodbye, or to let us love each other for the rest of our lives? Because if it’s the latter, I won’t be able to resist kissing you until the last breath of air is gone.”
Clearly, we could start talking after such a statement that left my knees weak. But the obvious choice? I lunged at him, pressing my lips to his, desperate for the feel of his mouth on mine.
We rushed into the house without parting, clumsily shutting the door behind us. Donovan…
Andrew, with a wild urgency, gripped my waist and hoisted me onto the countertop behind me. I wrapped my legs around his torso, pulling him closer, clinging to him as if I never wanted to be apart again.
Our lips parted as Andrew deftly removed my blouse. Seizing the moment, I tugged off his shirt so that our skin met in a fevered embrace.
Lifting me effortlessly, he steered us toward the couch, the next steps clear in both our minds. As much as I was entranced by the idea, there were matters we had to clear up first. “This time, no secrets between us, right?”
Holding me in his embrace, he sighed and settled into the sofa, placing me atop him. I studied every feature of Andrew’s face intently, my eyes darting quickly, searching for any sign that would give me reason to flee.
He gently caressed my right cheek, his touch both soothing and tender. “This time, I’ll do everything right. I promise on my life never to make you cry again,” he said, his gaze unwavering, pulling my face close and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Unless they’re tears of joy.”
I laugh and snuggle into his chest, comforted by his closeness. Andrew wraps his arms around me, and I suppose this is what we needed right now to cling to one another and take a leap of faith.
We lay there on the couch for a few minutes in silence, yet with each tender touch, I felt a whispered word of love from him. He took his time tracing his fingers lightly across my face, neck, and hair, while I could only watch him. He finally spoke, as touches alone couldn’t convey the depth of his feelings. “You know, the first time I saw you, my heart raced. I tried to chalk it up to the pressure of the job. But when I caught your gaze amidst that crowd, when I first sang for you at the bar, the look on your face made me want to drop to my knees. I love you so deeply that whenever we’re close, my heart swells with joy, feeling like it might burst.”
His confessions brought tears to my eyes. I kissed him, wishing to silence him lest I become a crying mess. Pulling back just a hair’s breadth from his lips, I whispered, “I truly believe fate placed you in my life for a reason. You might be the love of my life or the heart-wrenching pain that’ll tear me in two. Please, be the former.”
“Don’t you see? There’s no way I could stop loving you. I envision a ‘forever’ with you, something I’ve never imagined with anything or anyone before. I never lied when I said you and my mother are my world.”
“You and my mom are mine,” I replied, tears streaming from the fear of the uncertain future ahead. Yet, I am hopeful it will be bright. I must believe. “What’s next?”
He ceased his caresses and placed his hand on his chin, his love-struck expression shifting to a thoughtful one. “Hmm, how about… moving in together?”