“Are you okay? Should we leave?”
Blake had noticed my distress. A lump had formed in my throat, and my tears were on the brink of spilling. I didn’t want to add to the drama by letting Blake see me cry.
Without answering, I dashed to the ladies’ restroom, hoping to shed a few tears, get out, and then go directly to retrieve the very reason I had come here.
Those damn papers Donovan had stolen. It wasn’t much, but it might buy me some more time with Dave until I could get more evidence. I was determined to find something, anything, to bring him down and glimpse the pain he had inflicted on me.
I wet my hands and splashed my face, careful not to ruin my makeup. Thankfully, the music wasn’t as loud in here.
I couldn’t say for sure that I was crying because of Donovan. All I knew was that seeing the bitterness in his eyes had mirrored my own pain. I was crushed, physically and emotionally. The saddest part was realizing I’d probably never be okay again, and he was the only one who had ever made me feel alive.
And he didn’t care. He didn’t care about how much I loved him or everything I had given him. He was indifferent to my past and my brokenness. All he ever did was think about himself and his needs. And damn him, he played it so well-confusing me, making me believe he loved me so much but couldn’t be with me because he wanted a better future for me. I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker.
“What are you doing here?” spat a female voice with disdain. I turned to find Vanessa looking furious. Lara was beside her, laughing incredulously. “I told you to stay away from Donovan.”
“I didn’t come for him. I…” I tried to defend myself, but she scrunched her nose in disgust, and I realized she wouldn’t believe anything I said.
She stepped closer until she was just inches from my face. “You don’t get it, do you, little girl? Want him? Fine, but stay away from him. You’ve already messed things up enough. I’m telling you this for your own good. If not…”
“Have you two slept together yet?” Lara blurted out suddenly.
Both Vanessa and I stared at Lara as if she’d just announced she’d murdered five people and a baby. The amusement was evident in Lara’s expression, and even her posture was relaxed.
Eventually, Vanessa stepped back from invading my personal space and positioned herself between Lara and me. She no longer looked angry, more like the normal Vanessa I knew. Had that earlier display been just an act? “What?! Lara, shut up. She’s seventeen; Donovan would never…”
“Yes,” I declared impulsively, fully aware that I was currently eighteen. Maybe by lying they’d give me some sort of hint or clue about why they didn’t want us together.
What were they hiding?
Lara burst into fits of laughter, while Vanessa started pacing the restroom, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “That man is unbelievable.”
“Look at that, Mr. Perfect,” Lara commented between laughs, almost breathless.
I wasn’t sure whether to feel offended or just run as fast as I could away from this place.
Vanessa’s demeanor towards me changed. Now, there was a look of pity in her eyes. She sighed and placed her hands on my shoulders. “Listen, Celina, this isn’t your fault, I know that. But you’re not making things easier either. A lot is at stake right now. I beg you, just stay away from him for a few days, please.”
It was so frustrating that she wouldn’t believe me… That she didn’t grasp that I wanted nothing more to do with Donovan and that my sole desire was to get away from here with my mother. “He has something that belongs to me. I’m not here because of him, I swear. I have no romantic interest in Donovan anymore, really, I’ve moved on.”
She shook her head and turned to leave. I hadn’t noticed Lara blocking the restroom entrance until Vanessa asked her to move. “I wish you knew what you’re getting into, Celina… I wish you’d open your eyes and realize this isn’t where you belong. I tried, for both your sake and his.”
“Thanks to you, this year has been hell, for all of us,” Lara concluded as they headed for the bathroom exit.
I was livid. They come in here, judging me without telling me what I did wrong. “Can you stop speaking in riddles? Why are Donovan and I causing some world-shattering disaster?”
They left without another word. I was about to chase them, demanding once and for all someone be straight with me, but they vanished into a crowd of annoyed girls who were glaring at me for blocking the restroom.
I moved away, heading straight for Donovan’s hideout.
Speaking of straight talk… Donovan operated the same way, never telling me what was going on or why he resisted us being together. Now I knew. He never loved me. In fact, he used me to get close to my aunt’s husband. He was just setting the stage to drop me once he got what he wanted.
So, why are Vanessa and Lara suggesting I could ruin everything? I handed them the missing piece they needed; they should be laughing at me for falling into their trap.
I was about to open the door when I saw light streaming from beneath and heard voices inside.
“How could you sleep with her?” Vanessa’s voice sounded from within, sharp with anger.
“Who told you that?” Donovan shot back, his tone betraying his nerves.
“She did.” There was a minute’s silence. “What about Laura? What about the boss? I’ll have to tell him.”
Who was Laura? Could she be the woman I saw outside the school talking to him that day?
I heard Donovan sigh. “You know how I feel about Laura; I made that clear the last time we spoke about her. And you know what? Tell whomever you want. I couldn’t care less.”
“-We were set to pick up a huge shipment the other day! We were on the cusp of getting everything we ever wanted! You blew it all for her! The boss gave you another chance, and this is how you squander it… All for a girl you barely know?” Silence once again filled the room until I heard footsteps nearing the door from the other side. I’m screwed.
The only barrier separating me from Donovan suddenly swung open, and Vanessa merely gave me a top-to-bottom glance before leaving without uttering a word.
Donovan’s gaze met mine immediately, and he froze. I hadn’t realized that neither of us was breathing until he took the first step towards me. The color of his face turned a distinctive shade of pink, a telltale sign of his nervousness.
His eyes appeared glassy, and his breathing was measured. Neither of us could speak. What was there to say?
I wanted to push aside the conflicting feelings. In fact, I had been doing that quite successfully, but tonight it was nearly impossible not to feel the pull my body had towards his.
What was I thinking? I still couldn’t fathom how someone who used me the way he did could still have any place in my mind and heart. Why was I so vulnerable?
“What are you doing here?” The hope in his voice made my heart shrink a bit more. Seeing him moved me once again.
“I just came to see how you are,” I lied. And I sensed he knew it wasn’t the truth.
“Come in,” he invited. He closed the door once I sat down on the sofa… A sofa I knew all too well.
Being here filled me with nostalgia, as if it was only yesterday when I sought him out and confronted him for vanishing for days. Back then, I had no inkling of what he was capable of, no idea how deeply he could wound me.
“You know already, don’t you?” he said without preamble, as if eager to remove a splinter, either from his skin or mine.
I saw a sort of regret in his posture, and I don’t mention his face because his gaze was fixed on the floor, not even capable of meeting mine. We should be clear, both of us should be clear about our feelings. I’ll start. “Know what?”
The words came out with a venom I couldn’t control; I wanted it to seep into him. I wanted him to feel the pain he inflicted, to understand how he harmed both my mother and me.
Because that’s what ate at me the most. Due to him, my mother got dragged into this mess. If it had been just me, it wouldn’t have mattered; I’m used to it. But she shouldn’t have been hurt. She’s already been through enough with my father, our poverty, and her illness.
He was about to answer when I cut him off, rising from the couch where in the past he had spun one of his seductive ploys. “Do you want to know if I’m aware you used me? Yes, I know.”
His face turned paler than the wall. “Celina, it wasn’t like that…”
“It wasn’t like what? Wasn’t like that?” I positioned myself directly in front of him, just inches separating our faces. “Say it to my face again that it wasn’t like that. Look me in the damn eyes and tell me you didn’t use me for information.”
His teary eyes met mine. If I didn’t know him so well, I’d say he was on the brink of crying, but at this point, I think he’s void of any feelings.
He made a motion to speak, but then shut his mouth immediately. I seized the opportunity to unleash all the truths that came to mind. “You can’t, can you? You can’t!” I shoved him. He didn’t even flinch. “I told you everything about me! Didn’t you care? Didn’t you feel the slightest remorse while you were fucking me? How could you? Explain to me, because I can’t even fathom someone being such an asshole.”
A grimace settled on his face for several seconds. His hands were clenched into fists, squeezing so hard his knuckles turned white. “Celina, back then, I… At first, it was all planned, but then things changed…”