“Sam…” I put the pillow over my head. “Samantha!”
I curse her shrill voice.
“What’s going on, Eva?” I asked her. My head still under the pillow.
“Are you going to university?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“He might be there.”
“So? Even better. Show him you’re fabulous without him.”
Irritated, I got out of bed and went to the mirror in her room. My face was frightening.
“Yes, I’m fabulous without him,” I replied sarcastically.
“Maybe with a little makeup…” She teased and tied my hair into a ponytail.
“No, Eva. Do you think this can be fixed with makeup?”
“I’m sorry, Sam,” she said after several seconds of silence.
“Yes, me too, thanks for coming to pick me up so late last night and staying with me,” I told her what happened last night and then we were among tissues and whimpering.
“What can I say? I’m a great friend,” she hugged me and kissed my cheek.
“The best.”
“You need to stop crying over that jerk.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until she ran her hands over my cheeks, trying to wipe away the drops that were falling down them.
“Believe me, I know. But being away from him is tearing me apart.”
“Something tells me he feels the same way.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t do anything about it. He does everything possible to push me away and then wants me back, Eva.”
“So why do you get back with him?” Good question.
“Because I love him.” Simple answer.
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I’m trying to stop loving him.”
“Why are you fighting against that?”
“Because it hurts.”
“Love always hurts.”
“Not as much as it does with him.”
She let out a big sigh.
“I don’t know what to do for you, Sam.”
“I don’t know what to do with myself either, Eva. But thanks for always being there for me.”
“Always.”
A memory of Millie came to my mind. She never called again. She never tried to contact me again, and I didn’t either… I think it’s a lie. Friendships don’t last forever. When the relationship gets too difficult they forget it and throw it away. It’s no use to them.
“Eva!” Her aunt called her from downstairs, in the kitchen.
“I’m coming!” She winked at me. “I’ll be right back.”
“Can I take a shower?”
“Yes, of course you can.”
She ran towards the staircase.
I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth, then I took off my clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and I swear to god that was not me. That girl is not the same one that was reflected in the mirror yesterday morning. My face is totally different. Totally ruined.
I refused to keep looking at how pathetic I looked and got in the shower. The water didn’t help me at all. I still felt heavy and empty at the same time. How do you understand that?
The water running down my face mixed with the tears that were streaming from my eyes.
“I’m telling you, you can’t come in!” Eva’s screams filled her room.
“Where is she?!” Obviously Nick’s screams overshadowed hers.
Just at that moment the bathroom door opened. Not a second passed after he pulled the shower curtain open. Now I’m standing naked before him, trying to cover my private parts. He looks as destroyed as I do. But I think it’s more the effects of the hangover he must be having this morning.
He didn’t even look at my body, he was just staring intently into my eyes, he took a few steps closer to me and I took a few steps further away from him, until my back hit the tiled wall of the bathroom, so he, not caring about getting wet, entered the shower with all his clothes on, rested his head on my shoulder and hugged me by the waist. Bringing me closer to him. His hands on my bare skin broke a very important part of my self-control and perseverance.
Unable to hold back I put my arms around his head tightly.
“I’ll tell you everything, I’ll tell you everything, Sam. I’m sorry.”
I banged my head twice against the wall. Trying to push away the thoughts of going back to this. It doesn’t work, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to stop needing him as much as I already do.
“Don’t do that,” he said. His tortured eyes came back, I hadn’t seen them in a long time and I didn’t miss them either.
“You’re doing this to me,” I said through gritted teeth. I don’t know if I’m angry or hurt. Both, I think, because I’m crying and clenching the fists that are around his head.
He came out of the crook of my neck and looked at me. He put his hands on each side of my face and kissed me.
“Let me explain, Sam. I’ll tell you everything you want to know as long as I don’t lose you,” his lips provocatively grazed mine.
“Everything?” I asked.
“Everything,” he concluded.