I didn’t want to have children yet.
I don’t want to have children yet.
But knowing that Nick is so terrified of the idea… Ouch! It hurts.
The way he ran out of the house this morning to get me the morning-after pill, somehow broke my heart.
Is the idea of a child so terrible? Or is the idea of having a child with me terrible?
What if one day I get pregnant? Will he react this way? Will he leave? Will he leave me?
Many doubts are coming to me right now, I thought I trusted Nick. I thought I would overcome this trust issue with him, but no. I still distrust him. That he won’t leave me or hurt me again.
The bet, as much as I don’t want it, is still there.
I have twenty minutes left before my classes start, and Nick still hasn’t returned. He left over forty minutes ago.
The more I think, the angrier I get. It wasn’t that serious for him to be this way and to treat me this way! Besides, he was the one who forgot the stupid condom, not me.
I heard the door open and slam shut. I got up from the bed and walked to the living room for a confrontation with my idiotic boy.
I didn’t look at his face, I just approached the bag in his hand and took it. I turned around and went to the bathroom.
I took out the pill pack and looked at it. Inspecting it a bit. I took out a pill and just before I put it in my mouth, Nick entered the bathroom.
I let out an exasperated sigh and looked at him irritably. “What? Do you want to make sure I take it? Trust me, I don’t want to tie you down with a child.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” His tone of irritation was equal to mine. Seeing his dark circles made me even more pissed off. He couldn’t sleep all night thinking he was going to have a child with me. I don’t know whether to laugh or scream.
“Me?” I put the pill in my mouth. “Well, nothing with me.”
I took water from the faucet and swallowed. I wiped my mouth and dodged him to get to the door and grab my backpack.
“Are we going? I’m getting late.” I was still not looking at him. I know if I do, I will want to tell him off.
“I won’t take you anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong, Samantha.” He grabs my wrist and pulls me closer to him.
“I hate how you call me Samantha to show you’re serious,” I say, laughing ironically.
“I hate how you want to play hard to get to tell me what the hell is wrong with you.”
“Me, playing hard to get, Nick?! I’m just trying not to fight with you. I try not to let you say anything that could hurt me.”
“What bothers you? That I didn’t use a condom?” He asks, ignoring everything I said two seconds ago.
I don’t say anything. He lets go of my wrist and I hear him laugh.
“Don’t tell me you’re upset that I bought you the pills.”
Now it hurts a little more to know that this amuses him.
“No, Nick. What bothers me is that you saw it as so terrible. It bothers me that you took it so to heart.”
“How did you want me to take it? I was stupid not to take care with you. I don’t get tested so I don’t know if I have a damn disease. What if I infect you? And it would be even worse to have a child, Samantha.”
“Is it that bad to have a child with me?”
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” He takes a couple of turns around the room and then speaks again. “You’re in college. Do you think I could even think about kids now? Besides the problems we’re having with our moms and your brother, add that we fight all the time or at least most of it. Samantha, if I left this house in a hurry and pissed off it was because I didn’t take care of you and what left a knot in my throat is that even though we have all these things against us to raise a baby, I liked the idea of having your child.” I found it impossible to keep breathing. Did I hear correctly? “If I think about it seriously, I would like to have a child with you and it bothers me to think that way because I would be ruining your life. College, your studies, your future, everything will go down the drain and it will be my fault. So forgive me for acting so desperate to buy those pills before I changed my mind.”
He sat on the floor and let out a sigh. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at me.
“Can you believe that for a moment I clung to the idea of throwing those damn pills away on the way. I never wanted children in my life, but with you, the idea isn’t so bad, in fact, it’s overwhelming. A part of me growing inside you…”
With each word, my heart trembled a little more…
“That would confirm you’re mine.”
Damn caveman.
“And there ladies and gentlemen. That’s the demonstration of how Nick can screw up the tenderest moment in life and turn it into a caveman act in a second. Applause, please, for the sexist of the year.” I continued walking towards the door and he wrapped his arms around my body, laughing.
“Don’t get angry, Sam. We both benefit in that situation. You’ll be only mine and I’ll be only yours. No girl will look at a guy with kids and no jerk at a pregnant girl. What do you think of that idea? Besides, I’m getting a little better with the sexist thing… Or I try. I promise I’ll change, I swear.”
He kissed me on the forehead.
“I think you’re an idiot.”
“A sexy idiot.”
“Regrettably, yes.”
“Can we stay here today? Please. Let’s talk about baby names for our children. I vote for Hayley if it’s a girl and if it’s a boy Paulo or even better, Andy.”
“We’re not having kids.”
“But now that I think about it, it would be great. We would belong to each other, don’t you love the idea?” He turned me around and started to lower his hands towards the lower part of my back.
“Nick…” My tone sounded like a warning, but I won’t lie. I liked that his hand was heading there.
“Alright, already. Don’t look at me like you want to hit me,” he said as he put his forehead against mine. I gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose and his eyes darkened a bit more.
“It’s inevitable, I want to do it,” I murmured as I put my hands on either side of his waist.
“Have children with me?” I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him a bit.
“Hit you,” I concluded.
“And then have children with me?” That’s when I hit him in the arm. I adjusted my backpack on my back and grabbed the doorknob.
“In the future, it will probably happen,” I said without looking at him and smiling inwardly.
“A future when?”
“Are you serious?” This time I was serious. He was insisting quite a bit on the subject.
“Maybe.”
“Don’t rush so much, boy, I still want to finish my degree.”
I shook my head trying to eliminate every little thought of getting pregnant. I have to finish my studies. That’s my duty.
“We have to go,” I opened the door, looked at him and winked. He grimaced and followed me.
When we left the building, we crossed the sidewalk and he opened the car doors.
“I thought we were going to stay thinking about names,” he entered the car and pouted.
I bit his lower lip quite hard and let it go. I smiled and closed the car door. He looked at me confused and touched his lip. On the tip of his finger, there was a little blood. I just gave him a small cut.
“That’s your punishment for not even touching me last night,” he narrowed his eyes and poked me in the stomach.
“Then you also deserve a punishment.”
“Why?!” I squealed as he started the car.
“For being so damn desirable.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“For me, it’s torture.”
“Yeah, sure,” I said sarcastically.
“I’m serious. Later you’ll have your punishment.”
“I can’t wait to get it,” my seductive tone made him raise his eyebrow.
He started to laugh and I did the same.
“Hel, can you go back with your friend today?”
“What? Why?”
“Because I need to go get checked, I want to make sure I don’t have anything that could infect you, because after doing it with you without a condom… I’ll just say that from now on you’ll take the pill if you don’t want to have a little Hayley.”
“Or a little Andy.”
“So you were paying attention.”
I shrugged and rested my head on his shoulder. He kissed my head without looking away from the road.
“Don’t you want me to go with you?”
“Nah, it’s fine. Go back with Eva. Here,” he gave me the apartment key, “I made you a duplicate.”
“Are you going to go to your classes?”
“Yes, my first class is at nine. When they’re over, I’ll go.”
“Okay.”
We kept talking about anything until we got to the university.
“We’ll see each other later,” reluctantly, I parted from Nick.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
I leaned in and kissed him chastely on the lips. Then all over his face.
“Okay. Okay. I know you love me but you need to calm down a bit,” his smile reached his eyes. God, he’s so cute.
I love being able to make him happy and be the cause of his smile.
“Idiot,” I hit him in the chest, he pretended to be hurt and I kissed him on the lips again. “I love you.”
“I love you too, little violent one.”
I got out of the car and ran to my class.