I hate the thoughts that are crossing my mind right now. It’s the first time I realize that I’m letting Nick interfere with my future and I feel… that I’m choosing him and I’m not at all upset about it. Of course, I’m confused. How can a person change their desires overnight? I wanted more than anything to finish university and become someone. But when I fell in love with Nick, I rarely thought about university again, all that occupied my mind was him. Every corner of it was filled by Nick. Everything that I believed was most important no longer matters to me… But, I can’t stop studying. I still want the life I’ve always dreamed of, but with Nick.
“Nick… you can’t take me out of class like this again.” I turned down the car radio.
“What?” He said, half-laughing.
I started fiddling with my rings.
“Today I had an exam. They warned me a week ago and I forgot. I have never, ever in my life forgotten an exam.”
“I don’t understand what the point is, Samantha.” His voice turned colder. Almost edgy.
“The point is that I need to focus a lot on university. I have to stop distracting myself and…”
“Am I a distraction?” He had an aseptic look.
“Yes, you are. I love being with you, and I forget that I have responsibilities. I can’t afford to fail an exam. I have a scholarship, Nick.”
“Samantha, you’re a human being. You can forget an exam. And if you can’t afford your studies I will.”
“What? No, I don’t need you to do that.” I looked at him, eyes wide as saucers. Is he crazy?
“What’s the problem? I want to do it.” He replied.
I forced myself to take a deep breath and spoke again.
“I don’t want you to do that, I don’t need you to pay for everything. Besides, it’s enough that you let me live with you.”
“Even if you had a place to go, or the money, you would have come with me. I want to live with you.”
A million questions began to pound in my head. Questions that I’m surprised I didn’t think of earlier.
“Where do you get all your money from? How can you afford that apartment? And this car? Is all of it from your father?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“Because you don’t work. And now you’re offering to pay for a university that costs a fortune. Can you answer me?”
“When my father started giving me allowances, I invested money in many places, in fact, I own two or three establishments. I receive daily income into my bank,” he replied quickly. “Now… can you let me pay for your university?”
“No.”
“You’re impossible.”
I smiled and shrugged. He took advantage of the red light and touched my cheek. My smile disappeared and I was focused on looking at his beautiful face.
“I still find it hard to believe that you’re with me.”
“Well, I like guys with cars and who can pay for my university…”
Before I finished, he pressed his lips against mine. His hands slid around my hips. I opened my mouth for a taste of his tongue and suddenly the back seat seemed like a quite comfortable place.
The horns started sounding behind us. We separated and he started driving again. I looked at him and he was red. I instinctively looked down and the front of his pants had stretched out.
I wanted to laugh… and I did.
“Instead of laughing like a five-year-old girl, you could try to help me with this,” he said laughing.
“Keep dreaming.”
“In fact… I do.”
Throughout my life, I’ve misunderstood many things that I thought I knew very well. The clearest example right now is tranquility. Tranquility is not the environment you’re in… it’s who you’re with. That peace of mind cannot be achieved even in the quietest, most peaceful place in the world.
Nick and I are in the park. The same one where we both lost several pieces of our hearts with hurtful words. I can say with certainty that they are now recovered, but they’re still a bit wounded and battered. With marks, scars, blows. They’re there but the memories also endure, like a tattoo.
He’s sitting on the grass, his back and head resting against a tree. I’m lying down and my head is on his thigh.
It’s already night, we’ve been here for hours, in the same position, barely speaking. His hand was caressing my head and hair.
I close my eyes enjoying the caresses of Nick’s hands in my hair and the breeze of wind that just passed over my face.
I open them again when my cell phone breaks the silence and comfort. I had to sit up and rummage through my backpack to find it.
I saw the name on the screen and my heart was buzzing in my chest. My first instinct was to hang up. Did he tell him? Why? Can’t he leave me alone? No, he really can’t and I knew he wouldn’t.
I kept my breathing calm. I pushed away any idea of smashing my phone and put it beside me.
“What’s wrong?” Nick took my chin to make me look at him.
I shook my head and it returned to his thigh.
“John.” I simply respond.
“Why didn’t you answer?” He asks calmly, his brow furrowed.
“Well… because I don’t need anyone else interfering or disapproving of our relationship. I’m tired of so much drama. I don’t need to hear the opinions or orders from our family circle about how we can’t be together. It would be time wasted from your time and my time, we both know very well that we don’t care what they believe.”