“You weren’t going to do what I asked, were you? You weren’t going to listen to me, right?” He said bitterly. His nose was wrinkled, and he was staring straight ahead.
“I needed to find my cell phone, Nick, I didn’t know you were going to bring it to me,”
“Well, why didn’t you wait for me to come out and ask for the phone?!” He roared.
I shivered in my seat. He was right, but either way, he’s not my father to tell me what to do.
“If I wanted to go in, I would. You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Were you hoping for that woman to throw something at your head?!”
“That would be my problem!”
“No! It wasn’t just your problem! If she did something to you, I would go crazy, Samantha!”
I didn’t respond and that seemed to annoy him even more.
He swerved, unconcerned about the cars behind us, and parked on the side of the highway.
He turned off the engine and stormed out of the car, not even bothering to close the door.
I watched him walk around like a madman, pulling his hair and looking up at the sky. With almost inhuman speed, he grabbed a glass bottle and violently hurled it at a skin cream billboard. Then he stood still, his breathing ragged. He was frantic.
Ten minutes later he slowly approached the car, entered without looking at me, and started driving again.
“I need you to take me to my friend Eva’s house,” My voice was shaky but firm at the same time.
He didn’t answer.
I gave him the address.
He remained silent.
“I told you to take me to that address.”
“You’re not going to stay at your friend’s house.”
“Then where?”
“You’re going to stay with me.”
“No way.”
“I want you to stay with me, Sam, please….”
“Tell me Nick, who the hell do you think you are? Just because I’ve kissed you a couple of times doesn’t mean I’m yours. I don’t belong to you and I want you to take me to Eva’s right now.”
He stopped the car again. His jaw clenched and he hit the steering wheel, making me jump in my seat.
“Get out, go ahead. Get out of the car, take your things, and disappear,” He roared.
I got out of the car, grabbed my things, and took the phone.
Nick was still in the car.
A wave of guilt washed over me. Everyone abandoned him when he was a kid, I did too. He didn’t have it easy. And neither did I. I can justify his behavior. How he reacts irrationally and violently. He’s trying to protect the only thing he has… me. He has me, he knows it.
Completely defeated, I put my things back in the car and got in.
Nick’s frown disappeared. He looked at me in surprise, I shrugged and rested my head against the window.
Once we arrived at his apartment, he put all the stuff on his bed. From the wardrobe, he pulled out a couple of sheets and went back to the living room.
“Sleep in the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”
“Why… why?”
“Because I’m angry, you’re angry and together right now we’re not a good combination.”
“Why didn’t you just leave me with Eva then?!”
“Because…!” He started to raise his voice. He sighed and continued, “Because I want you to be with me. Knowing that you’re in the same place as me calms me and doesn’t make me act like a complete paranoid wondering if you’re okay, if you’re sad or whatever. That’s the reason.”
He turned around to fix the sheets on the couch. A knot formed in my throat and the need, the desire to touch him settled in my body.
I approached and wrapped my arms around his waist. He tensed up but didn’t touch me.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured against his back, he remained still, unmoving.
I’d understand if he told me right now that he wants to be alone. I was a complete hysterical. But I still need him to wrap his arms protectively around me and kiss me. I need that like I need to breathe. I need him right now.
Without waiting for him to do it, I turned him around and kissed him eagerly.
His body finally reacted, he gripped my hips and pulled me closer.
We both fell on the couch, our lips still locked together. He broke the kiss, since I have many questions to ask.
I rested my head in the crook of his neck and inhaled his beautiful scent. That scent that only he has.
“You sure make me go crazy,” Nick said laughing.
“Oh, sure and you don’t make me crazy?”
He didn’t answer, just kissed my head and stroked my arm.
“How long has she been hitting you?” My voice trembles and my heart beats hard. I want to hold back the tears, but just thinking about someone hurting Nick like that makes me want to go back to that damned woman and kill her.
“I don’t want to talk about that, Sam,” I know it makes him uncomfortable, but it hurts me.
“I need to know,”
He took a deep breath and I put my hand on his chest, his heartbeat was too fast. I looked at his face and it showed no sign of nervousness or discomfort.
“I had a notebook where I wrote everything that happened to me and what I felt…”
“A diary?” I interrupt him laughing.
“It’s a notebook.”
“It’s the same thing.”
“Diary sounds more for a woman.”
“But it’s still the same thing.”
“Anyway, I started having feelings for you since we were very young. Don’t ask me why, I don’t remember, I just know that I had butterflies in my stomach when I saw you and the need to always keep the smile that you had on your face was stronger than me,” I was motionless in his arms. I love knowing that when we were kids he had a crush on me. “I wanted to tell someone, but I couldn’t. I was a kid but I wasn’t stupid. I knew not everyone takes stepsibling relationships well. You know it, I know it.”
He squeezed me tighter in his arms. As if he was afraid I would run after what he was about to say.
“After two years, my aunt, she found the notebook. I was ten. She ran out of the house, disgusted by me and the things the notebook said. She came back late at night, woke me up from the couch and I could smell the beer on her breath. That was the night she hit me for the first time and it was the second hardest beating she ever gave me. I have the mark on my back.”
I swallowed, nervous and angry.
“What was the first one?” I asked.
“The day I kissed you.”