“What the hell were you doing with him?” Hearing Nick’s voice, after everything that happened, felt like daggers straight to my chest. The void kept growing, like a black hole taking everything in its path.
“He and I were just…” I wasn’t able to look him in the eyes, I looked at his tight lips and his red cheeks from anger. Why was he angry? He had no right to demand an explanation, and I wasn’t going to give him one, even if I wanted to.
“We went out, what’s the problem? You don’t have to make a scene about it, and you don’t have the right to. You’re choking me with your stupid jealousy.”
I dared to look him in the eyes. His gaze was fierce, it stirred me up and scared me. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, but my body couldn’t help but feel scared.
“So you’re ready to forget me that quickly?” He exclaimed with pain.
“I already did!”
“That’s a blatant lie, you don’t even believe it, Samantha,” he roared.
“Well, I do. It’s not that hard to forget an asshole who used you from the start. I will never forgive you, I hope you understand that and leave me alone.”
My words seemed to have hurt him because he took a step back and his face twisted.
He stumbled upon a tree and slumped there, his head resting against the tree and his eyes closed. I have a slight feeling that he’s drunk or that he’s acting like a drama queen.
I’d like to apologize, but that’s what he wants, for me to fall at his feet again so he can finish what he started, playing the hurt and jealous guy. But it’s not going to work this time.
“Why can’t you believe that I’m sorry? I really am, Sam. I swear if I could turn back time, I…”
“But you can’t,” I interrupted him. “Sorry to break it to you, Nick. But I no longer believe anything that comes out of your mouth. This is the last time I’m telling you, stay away from me!”
“I’m not lying to you, not this time. Everything I told you in that bathroom is real, that’s how I feel, please believe me.”
“I don’t, but I want to ask you something. The kiss we shared, the first one you gave me when I got here and the scene you made in the bathroom at Olivia’s house, was it part of the game? Or did you realize then that you -needed- me?”
Nick, stared at me for a few seconds. He didn’t need to answer, I already knew his answer.
“And in the janitor’s closet? Was it too?” He didn’t answer either. The void ended up completing itself and settled in every part of my body, but apparently, I’m a masochist, and I want to keep discovering the truth, tears began to run down my face.
“And… was it also that day in my room?” He put his face in his hands and just nodded.
I grimaced and wiped my dress a bit, trying to be as indifferent as possible. “I’m glad you’re completely forgotten.”
“Don’t say that…”
“Goodbye, Nick,” I turned back towards the cinema, hoping to be completely out of his sight before I could scream and cry as much as I’m longing to.
“I left Olivia’s house. You can go back there if you want.”
I didn’t turn around, just tilted my head a bit to hear what he would answer next. “I suppose your apartment was fine, right? You only stayed at Olivia’s to get to me, right?”
He didn’t answer either.
“Silence gives consent,” I said that and kept walking away from him.
This should be the final goodbye.
***
Six months ago, I arrived in London.
Five months ago, I fell in love.
Four months ago, I saw him for the last time.
Three months ago, I stopped crying.
Two months ago, I started seeing Aaron and I smiled again. A real smile.
One month ago, I received a letter from him. One month ago, I started crying again. One month ago, I stopped smiling. One month ago, I started seeing him everywhere again, even though he’s not there.
*One month ago
“I swear to God, that guy is head over heels for you,” Eva affirmed as we climbed the stairs.
“I wouldn’t rule it out, but I don’t feel any chemistry, you know? I don’t think he’s the right one for me, not to mention he’s my professor.”
“In time, the chemistry will appear, at least on your part, because Aaron, he’s drooling over you all the time.”
I frowned and laughed. “Drooling? Seriously?”
“I’m just stating the facts.”
We both entered the room laughing like crazy. I threw my backpack next to the bed and hung my jacket in the closet.
When I came out of it, Eva had a piece of paper in her hand. I approached her and the shoes echoed on the floor, causing her to turn around and hide the paper behind her, in her back.
“What’s that?” I asked, curious.
“Nothing, just a simple study sheet that fell out of my backpack.”
“Your backpack is downstairs,” I replied. She stared at me for a few seconds, probably thinking of another lie. “Give it to me,” I ordered, knowing who or what it was about.
“Are you sure you want to see it, you…?”
“Yes, please, give it to me.” I wanted my tone to sound authoritative, but it sounded more like a plea. It’s been months since I’ve heard from him, and I’m not going to lie by saying I’m not worried and desperate.
Eva handed me the sheet.
“It was on the pillow…” she murmured.
When I took it, a shiver ran down my spine.