Henry.
I heard the faint creak of my bedroom door opening. My eyes were fixed for a second as Jeremy stepped out of the room.
Anna was lying on my shoulder, asleep. If I weren’t in a hurry to get to Jeremy, I’m sure I would have continued to gaze at her until I fell asleep, because I never dreamed she would be comfortably nestled in my arms. So, yes, gazing at her was the most perfect thing I could do.
Slowly, I adjusted her head on the back of my sofa and placed a pillow beneath it.
Just as I stood up, Jeremy peeked out from the hallway, and upon seeing me, he turned and ran back into the room, as if I were some damn monster. And the worst part? He probably thinks I am.
I ran after him, and he slammed the door in my face. I didn’t know whether to turn away or talk to him. If I turn away, I’ll be postponing the inevitable because we need to talk. He needs to know that I want to be with him and will never leave again. He needs to know I’ll be the best father I can be, and he needs to know… that I love him.
I knocked on the door a couple of times, but he didn’t respond. “Jeremy, please, can we talk?”
“No,” he simply said, and I heard him sniff.
“Jeremy, it’s important that we talk. You can’t be locked away forever in this-”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
We were going to keep at this all night; it seems the kid inherited my stubbornness.
“Okay, you’re right, you can… but what about your mom? She’ll be sad about this,” I tried to convince him, not entirely sure if he hated Anna at this moment.
“I want her, not you.”
Well, he only hates me. Nothing to worry about.
“She can’t fix anything, Jeremy. You and I need to talk, please,” I pleaded, with my heart in my throat.
What if he never wants to listen to me? What if he doesn’t want me in his life anymore? I want to be the father I never had for him. I want to give him everything. I want to advise him, teach him not to make the same stupid mistakes I did. I want to be there for his worst and best moments. Help him with his homework. Play with him. Love him as a father should love his son.
“No! I want my mom!” he said, sobbing.
Regardless of whether he would hate me even more after this, I entered the room, and upon seeing me, he hid under the sheets.
“Go away!” he shouted, still hidden.
I approached the bed so he could hear me well. “Your mother and I have known each other for a long time, since we were kids.”
“I don’t want to, I don’t want to! Go away!” he repeated the last word, shouting several times.
It’s the first time I see him behaving like a child his age, screaming, crying, and hysterical.
“Jeremy!” He stopped screaming for me to leave. “Calm down. If, after hearing this, you want me to go, I’ll go, okay?”
“With my mom?” he murmured, pulling the sheet off his head.
“No, just alone.”
He narrowed his eyes in my direction and nodded. I took a few steps to sit on the bed, but his murderous look told me that was not a good idea, so I stayed standing, trying to find the damn words to start this.
“Your mom and I met when we were little. I always cared for her like she was my best friend; I had a lot of affection for her. But when I was eight, even older than you are now, I started feeling a different kind of affection for her.”
“A different kind of affection?”
“Yeah,” I touched my heart. “Here? I felt great happiness when I saw her, and I got nervous. I wanted to take care of her always.”
I waited for him to say something, but he just wanted me to continue, probably to get this over with.
“Due to problems with my mother, she didn’t allow me to do it,” I continued, remembering every punch she gave me, forcing me never to think about Anna again.
“Why?” he asked, now a little more interested.
“She didn’t want me to love her.”
“Why?” he asked again.
“I thought it was wrong,” before she could ask again the ‘Why?’ I continued, “After years, she and I reunited. Everything was different. She was older, and so was I. We looked different, and we were different. I acted pretty badly with your mother, and she was… a bit crazy, but we loved each other a lot. Not like friends, but as…”
“Dave and my mom?”
Well, he hit the bullseye, a blow to my heart. Was she treating Dave the same way she treated me? No, it can’t be. She told me repeatedly that because of me, she couldn’t love him, and a type of love like ours can’t be feigned so easily. Jeremy didn’t see anything other than the relationship between Dave and her. He doesn’t know what it truly means to love someone, or at least for the love to be mutual, because he could love her, but she couldn’t love him back.
“No, much more,” he nodded, and I approached the bed again. He didn’t flinch or make any gesture, so I sat down. “One day, someone very bad came looking for me and threatened me. If I didn’t leave your mother’s side, she would suffer the consequences; they would hurt her. The day you saw me, the wedding day, was the first time your mother saw me in a long time and the first time I saw you.”
“But I already have these,” he opened his hand completely, showing me his five fingers, trying to represent his age. “Couldn’t you come earlier, Henry?”
“No, the bad guys…,” I paused, reminding myself to talk to a child. “The bad men, only recently stopped chasing your mother and me.”
“Are you my dad?” The million-dollar question, and the only one I really care to clarify.
“Yes.”
“For how long?”
Wow, that hurt. The fear in his eyes hurt even more. I understand that he feels betrayed by the person who, supposedly, should never betray him.
“Always.”
“Will you leave?”
“I will never leave again.”
His furrowed brow deepened. “Will my mom and you get married?”
I smiled, imagining myself marrying Anna.
“I hope so, someday.”
“When?”
“When she wants.”
“But shouldn’t you ask him? Dave, she asked him.”
I have the slight feeling that Jeremy mentions Dave knowing it gets under my skin. Did that son of a bitch purposefully propose in a restaurant? Well, I’ll propose in a damn castle…
“You’re right, I should ask her.”
“When?”
This kid wants to know every detail of everything, just like his mother. Between the two of them, they’ll drive me crazy, and I love the idea.
“Why do you ask so many questions?” He shrugged and glanced at me a bit nervously.
“Can I call you Dad?” he whispered, I don’t know if it was for himself or for me. A lump formed in my throat, and I felt my eyes welling up.
“I’d love that,” I said, stroking his hair. He smiled at me and gave me a hug. Damn, this is a lot for me in a freaking day…
“Alright, Dad…” he began to murmur in my ear, the word filling me with… “I’m going to sleep with Mom now, see you in the morning.”
He let go and jumped off the bed. I stayed there for a few seconds processing what had just happened. I looked at the bedroom door, and Jeremy was there, smiling at me like the damn Cheshire Cat. He stuck his tongue out and then ran to the living room with his mother.
I love him, and I’m happy because he’ll give me a chance, but… this is war, little one.