Anna.
I’m in front of my house. I look back at Henry, lying there, staring at the car’s ceiling, expressionless, lost in thought, I’d like to think.
“Are you okay?” I ask, brushing my hand against his cheek. His eyes focus on mine, he smiles, and nods.
“Yeah, just something strange, I mean… This isn’t my idea of getting back together with you, you know?” He takes my hand and kisses my wrist. Those little gestures that drive me crazy.
“It will be temporary, if everything works out, that’s how it’ll be,” I say, my voice sounding sweet and broken at the same time. God, I hope it works. I need it to. I don’t want to go back to being the same unhappy Anna I was before him. Well, I wasn’t unhappy, I was numb, I couldn’t feel, I couldn’t allow myself to.
Henry sits up and looks at me seriously. “If I hear that he yells at you or anything like that, I’ll get out of the car and unleash the urge to kill him that I have inside, so keep that in mind.”
The fierceness in his words tells me he’s not lying.
“Dave isn’t like that, he… He’s not like that,” I know that. He would never hurt me. In our five years together, we argued a little more than four times, and they were all about Jeremy, never about us.
“Yeah, they’re not until they are,” he rolls his eyes and looks toward the house, as if it’s a demon’s house or his worst enemy.
“You’re…” “Tender? Beautiful? Sexy? Come on! You can say it. It doesn’t bother me.” He smiles with an air of self-satisfaction, and I have the urge to give him a little slap on the cheek to wipe that smile off his face.
“Impossible,” I finished saying, laughing. I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips and touched his nose with the tip of my finger.
“Yeah, yeah, now go before I make the most of the backseat of a car. Why do you wear those damn low-cut shirts?” His gaze moved back and forth from my lips to my breasts. I put my hands around his neck and brought my breasts a little closer to his body. Henry’s breathing was on the floor.
“Because I know they tease you, and also because, all week, you can’t touch me, a little punishment for breaking everything in your room and for not letting me go upstairs,” the arrogant smile was now on my face.
“You’re cruel, and whether or not not touching you all week is still up for debate…”
Before he could continue, I got out of the car. I took a few deep breaths and walked to the house. Every step became heavier, slower, I don’t know what I would do or say if Dave is there, devastated. I don’t want to hurt someone who once did me so much good.
I grabbed the keys that were under the entrance mat and opened the door. I crossed the threshold and went straight to Jeremy’s room. He was asleep. It was Monday, and I thought he would be at kindergarten. He was supposed to be there; I only came to pick up his stuff and mine. I approached him and sat next to his sleeping form on the bed. I missed him so much. I touched his black hair and stroked his little face.
“Hey, sweetie, wake up,” I whispered in his ear.
I kissed his forehead, and he started to open his eyes. I only just became aware of the puffiness of his eyes. Seeing me, it was as if he had seen a ghost. He got up to hug me in two seconds.
“I’m sorry, Mommy, I’m so sorry, I swear I won’t get mad at you again, please don’t go away again, please,” he started whimpering on my shoulder, and I hugged him very tightly. The urge to cry with him overwhelmed me.
Who told him such a thing? How could he think that I would walk away from him like that? I would never leave my son, I never would. He is my life.
“Jeremy, son, what are you talking about? Mom, she will never leave you even if you get mad at her. Why did you get these crazy ideas in your head? ” I made him look me in the eye and with the palms of my hands, I wiped away every tear that fell down his cheek.
“Dave, he told me you left because I misbehaved since I wasn’t with you and Henry at dinner, that’s why you left, isn’t it? I won’t misbehave anymore, ever again! Don’t go away again,” She cried on my shoulder again.
I’m going to kill Dave. Why did he say that to her? It’s not like him to say such things to a child. He doesn’t like him or like him but this is going too far.
“I’m not leaving again, honey. I didn’t leave because of you, love, I left because mom needed time to think about old people’s things, it wasn’t because of you, my darling, I would never leave you even if you were mad at me for an eternity, I will always be with you, okay? Yesterday was an exception, I wasn’t ready to go home, but now I know that I don’t have to leave you alone again, ever, did you hear me? I won’t leave you again… ”
“And what about me?”
Dave’s voice flooded the room. I looked at him sideways and kissed Jeremy’s hundred. I’m going to say a couple of things to this asshole.
“Put some clothes and super important stuff in your giant backpack, you’re going to mom’s for a few days,” I said so slowly so only Jeremy could hear me. He nodded his head many times and I got up, walked out of the room and closed the door.
“Did you tell Jeremy I left because of him? Are you an idiot?” I snapped. I could feel the flaring of my nostrils. I was really pissed off, and he noticed it as his eyes widened before he composed himself.
“First, don’t call me an idiot; I don’t even know where that word came from in your vocabulary. You don’t speak like that. And second, I was upset and Jeremy wouldn’t stop asking about you. He was angry, and I said that because my head didn’t know where to go,” he replied calmly. He seemed unfazed by my anger.
“He’s five years old! You can’t say that to a five-year-old!” I yelled and went straight to the room I shared with Dave. I opened the closet, grabbed a small suitcase, and began packing my clothes-only the ones I liked. The flowery dresses were out.
“What are you doing?” His unflappable cordiality went down the drain in two seconds. His scared voice made me want to cry, but I held back. I needed to do this.
“I need to go away for a few days. I need to figure out what I’m doing with myself. I need a break from the perfect fiancee and the wedding and everything…” I didn’t look at him while those words came out of my mouth. I couldn’t look at him. Why can’t I just break cleanly from this relationship? Why can’t I simply tell him that I don’t love him and I never did?
“Anna, don’t go. We’ll figure it out together, we’ll stop planning the wedding if you want, but don’t leave.”
His pleas almost made me change my mind, but what will I do after that? Live a fake life, full of hypocrisy, and… without Henry. I’m not happy with that idea. Right now, what I need, who I need, is Henry.
“I need to do it. It’s just some time away, and then I… I’ll decide what to do.”
“What to do? What to do with what?” Now his voice was loaded with something I hadn’t known in him until today. Anger.