Henry.
A few days ago, I was damn sure of my decision. It’s been five days since I last saw her and, hell, my cocky side was convinced she’d come looking for me.
But no, she’s just… unpredictable. She won’t come after me; though I’m certain she’s itching to.
I can’t just walk into that damned house and watch him touch her the way I long to. I loathe seeing him even glance her way. I don’t want him breathing the same damn air she does.
My nails are nearly bitten to the quick, waiting for that elusive call that never lights up my phone screen. Only a couple of days without seeing her and I’m already missing her like mad.
Last night, I dreamt of her. She came over to my apartment, kissed me, and told me she loved me. She touched me in places that crave her attention, especially during moments like this, as I lie in bed, trying to sleep with an agonizing erection straining against my boxers.
Damn it, I’m tired of getting myself off, fantasizing about her. I NEED HER TO COME TO ME BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND!
I was tempted to down the bottles of beer in my fridge, get plastered and show up at her place. But I can’t bear the sight of him with her.
When I saw his lips on hers, I felt sick to my stomach, and I did just that. I rushed out of Anna’s house and unfortunately, her garden plants had to endure my gastric outpouring.
I was on the brink of losing it. I was about to bash Dave’s damn head into the floor. That’s why I had to get out of there. I can’t stand another man touching the one thing I cherish most. I can’t just stand by and watch him pull the most precious thing I’ve ever had away from me.
I left her. I was a damn fool. But if there had been another way… I contemplated ending it all more times than I care to admit. God, knows how often. The agonizing pain in my chest every morning I woke without her by my side is indescribable. Unable to touch her, see her, or hear her lovely, high-pitched voice that I so adore.
If those bloody bastards hadn’t been pressuring me over my now-deceased friend, Anna would be my wife right now. Jeremy would have a father always there, and I’d be the damn luckiest man alive.
Levinston dragged me into his web of addicts without me even realizing it. He fraudulently siphoned off shares from my company to pay off the mafia that supplied him with his fixes. When he revealed the depths of our entanglement and warned me that if I didn’t cooperate, they’d go after Anna, I didn’t hesitate. I had to protect the woman I loved.
I never realized love could hurt so profoundly. I never pictured myself falling head over heels, but I did. I fell for the stunning girl who shouldn’t have given me a second glance. We both felt that instant chemistry when we first locked eyes all those years ago. She looked so perfect standing at the doorway to my office. I still vividly recall how her eyes sized me up that day, how she blushed, and how flustered she became when she realized we were just a breath away from our chests brushing against each other.
I left because I loved her, because I still love her. At that time, I believed it was best for her if I stepped away. I knew all too well that if I didn’t, they’d never leave her alone. And yes, maybe I should’ve found a way to fight alongside her, maybe we should’ve run away together. But was it worth it for her to live a life of hiding just to be with me?
Most of the time, I made her cry. I often lost my temper, messed up, and failed to make her feel the way she always should have felt: like the most damn incredible and special thing that ever happened to me.
There were countless moments when I failed to make her feel that way, and it would’ve been the height of selfishness to ask her to run away with me. To say that we could find safety together when she might never truly find happiness. I didn’t deserve her. And now, I’m clinging to the hope that I can change, that I can become what she deserves.
I’ll let her walk all over me as much as she wants. I’ll let her yell at me, believe she hates me, hurt me, and let every word she says cut me like a knife. I’ll endure all the pain and torment I might’ve once caused her.
I loved her so much that I’d rather see her happy without me, and now I’m paying the price for my foolish choices.