I cry as I begin to lose control. Silent tears as I don’t have the energy to blubber. I can’t help this pity party.
I’m scared. I’m really fucking scared.
And stressed.
The nurse says don’t stress; it will make my flare-up worse. Does she know how stressful it is trying not to stress?
Megan squeezes my hand.
I glance over to find her watching me worried. Frank is watching the football on the TV wasting my money.
“Elly,” the nurse says gently as she peeps around the curtain. “You have another visitor.”
My heart hammers in my chest. I’m not prepared for this. Not now, in hospital, when I’m at my lowest.
Tristan steps inside the curtain before I can protest. Every part of me tenses.
“Elly.” He stares at me, horrified. Like the devil has just materialised in front of him. I’ve never felt more unattractive in my entire life. He’s in jeans and the t-shirt I first saw him in, in Mykonos, making my heart break a little bit more.
The stalled air I’d been holding expels from my lungs in a gargle.
I stare back, ashamed and broken hearted.
I never wanted him to see me like this. My red wine loose lips meant he knew about my IBD from the beginning, but I skirted over it and joked about it. I knew he didn’t understand how bad it could get. Not really. Most people don’t. One guy I dated said it was too much information when I told him.
When I had a flare, John simply ignored it. I stayed away and he let me.
Now Tristan can see it at its worst.
“You don’t need to be here,” I say, mortified. “I’m sorry Megan called. She just panicked. Its fine, you can leave now.”
His jaw tenses as he scans my body taking in the various tubes and needles. “I do need to be here. I need to make sure you’re okay, Elly.”
I stare into his beautiful heart-breaking face. I hate how he has become the puppet master of my emotions.
Megan clears her throat as her and Frank exchange looks. “Do you want us to -”
“No,” I cut in sharply. “Sorry about the inconvenience, Tristan, there was no need for you to come.”
I focus on my cannula pretending to fix it. I can’t meet his gaze, not when I know my eyes are so puffy I look like I’ve had a severe allergic reaction.
“Megan, Frank, can you give us some privacy please?” he asks.
“No need, stay,” I say, begging Megan with my eyes.
Megan rises from her chair, tugging at Frank’s arm. Traitors. “We’ll be right outside.” They close the curtain behind them, trapping me in the blue curtained stall with Tristan.
He takes a seat in the plastic chair that is way too small for his frame. For a moment he just stares at me.
“Are you in pain?”
I stiffen. I don’t need his pity. “I’m fine. I’m not your concern anymore.”
“Right now, you are my only concern.”
I stare back at him, angry and hurt. He has no right to say that to me. He made me trust him. He broke down my barriers when I wanted to keep them up. He told me I meant more. He let me fall in love with him. Then he went back to his real life. Rich man’s midlife crisis, the movie. His frown deepens. “What happened?”
“I passed out because I was so dehydrated and low in iron.” I try to keep my voice steady. “Just a flare-up.”
“A flare-up that landed you in the hospital,” he murmurs. “We can get you private treatment. Madison healthcare will cover it. We’ll sort this. Whatever it takes.” He reaches for my hand, but I snap it away.
I smile sadly at his ignorant optimism. “Money can’t solve every problem, Tristan.”
“Believe me I know that, Elly.” He grips the steel railing of the bed tightly making it shake. “When you get out, you’ll come and live with me where I can look after you.”
What?
My eyes snap up to his. “Is this a sick joke? You want me to stay with you and your ex-wife? Is this to do with some ridiculous guilt you have?”
He pulls back from me. “What?”
“I know you moved Gemina into the townhouse.”
“Did you call at my house?”
I stare at the TV, still showing the football, so he can’t see the fresh tears forming.
“Elly, Gemina and I are not back together.”
I let out an unattractive snort. “Bullshit. This whole time you tell string me along, telling me half the story. What am I? Rebound or a way to make her jealous?” My voice finally breaks.
“Neither,” he says forcefully. “You couldn’t be farther from the truth. Look at me.” His hand takes mine and this time he doesn’t let me snap it away. “She wanted the house, and I gave it to her. I moved out and Daniel and Gemina moved in.”
I force my gaze back to his, blinking. “Gemina said…” What did Gemina say when I visited? I was too distraught to listen.
“It doesn’t matter what Gemina said. I’m telling you the truth. I’ll tell you the full story. Anything you want to know.”
“You’re not back with her?” My voice is so quiet I’m not sure I’ve asked the question out loud. “No.”
“You’re single?”
“No.” He frowns. “I’m not single. I’m with you.” He takes a deep breath and scrubs his forehead with his hand. “But she did come on to me and I…nearly let it happen. My emotions were all over the place.”