Her face tells me everything I didn’t want to know. The pain in her eyes cuts me like a serrated machete, slashing, tearing, maiming me forever. I want to reach out for her. I want to hold her until we forget about this day.
“Say it,” I whisper. “I need to hear you say it.”
She shakes her head, her entire face crumpled into sobs. “God, Matthias, please don’t make me. Please. It’s the biggest mistake I ever made.” “Say it!” I roar.
“Matthias,” Kingsley says, in a soft, but warning voice. But I don’t care. I can’t know how I’m going to move on from this moment if I don’t hear her say it. Or else I won’t let myself believe it.
“Matthias, please. I lo-”
I shake my head, not wanting to hear what she’s about to say. “Stop. That’s not what I asked you.
Say it.”
“Yes, I slept with him.” Sobs wrack through her chest and tremor the entire room.
The admission knocks the air out of my lungs, and my veins burn with betrayal. My heart breaks, shatters, like someone dunked it into liquid nitrogen and then slammed a sledge hammer right into the left ventricle, breaking it into a million pieces, scattering all over the remnants of whatever existed between her and me.
Realization dawns. “And you told him I was at Leanne’s house.”
“I didn’t call him!” she says, panicked. “I swear I didn’t call him!”
“Then how did they know, Clarissa. Tell me how they knew?”
“I don’t know!” She looks over at her father, but he just looks away. “Matthias, please.” She reaches for me.
I rip my hand away from her, disgusted with myself that I had trusted her, when everything inside me, when everyone around me had told me not to. “I don’t believe you, Clarissa. I don’t trust you.”
My words hover between us, like a billboard broadcasting everything thing that was ever wrong between us.
The life drains from her eyes. “Matthias. I promise…”
I turn away, looking at her hurts too much. “Don’t. Don’t promise anything. It’s not worth anything.” I brace against my desk, taking a deep breath, pushing back the devastation in my soul. “You know… you know how I felt about you. You know how much this company means to me. But you did it anyway. They told me not to trust you, and I should’ve listened.” “Matthias!” she cries, and it tears at me.
“Get out. When I turn around, I don’t want to see you here. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
She doesn’t go. Her sobs fill the room, and no one says a word for minutes. And then she runs out of the room, and there’s nothing but the pounding of my own heart aching in my ears.
Finally, Gerry, fucking Gerry, says,
“Well, that’s too bad. but I guess it’s better that you find out now before if you got married.”
I spin around, spitting. “You’re a piece of work, you worthless piece of shit.”
He doesn’t even falter. I guess it’s not news to him. We always know ourselves best. Instead, he touches me on the shoulder, and I shrug off his slimy hand. “So, now, let’s figure out what we’re going to do here. Patrick here is willing to talk, see what you’re willing to do to make it up for him, and he might ask the ADA to drop the charges.” “Not now,” I growl.
“We can’t leave it too long. We need to give the reporters something else to focus on. He’s generous enough to even sit down with us.” “I said, not now!” I yell.
Gerry snickers, amused by my anger. “Patrick, maybe you should leave. We’ll get in touch soon. Don’t worry, we will make sure that you’re taken care of.”
I turn out just in time to see Patrick slither out of my office, cradling his arm. The next time I see him, I’m going to break his other arm as well. What the fuck did he think he was doing coming here?
Seeing him in the same room as Clarissa took every last ounce of restraint I had.
Clarissa.
A sob threatens to dislodge itself from my rib cage.
“Gerry. Get out.”
“Oh, sonny boy, that was just the minor issue. Now we have to talk about your place here at Baxter Enterprises. Matthias, you violated the morality clause in your contract. It was put in you contract for this exact reason. Do you want to know what they’re saying about the IPO? They’re saying we should postpone. After all this time, after all this and money, they’re saying it’s going to tank. All because of you.”
I grip the edge of the desk, glaring at my uncle. “It wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t made it into a scandal. I bet you called the paparazzi to the courthouse as well, didn’t you?”
He doesn’t deny it, and I’m stunned by how far he will go to get what he wants. “Blaming me for your mistakes, just like the child you are. But before we go, just know, you should all expect some very big changes soon.” He joins Clarissa’s father on the other side of room. “Come on, Terry. I’ll buy you a drink.”
“Get your hands off me,” Terry mumbles, shrugging off Gerry’s hand just as I had done and follows him out of my office.
“Fuck,” Kylian exhales. Speechless for the first time in his life.
Damien comes over and pats me on the back. “Ladies, could you give us the room, please?”
“Of course,” My-Linh answers. “Come on, Kiara. Let’s go talk to Hannah, she always has the best gossip.” She comes over and lays her head against my arm for a moment, and the gentle action breaks the dam in my chest, and the tears cascade, freely flowing down my cheeks.
“Actually guys, could I… I really need to be alone,” I choke out when the women are gone.
“Please.”
They linger for a few seconds, then there’s a collective sigh, and then I’m alone.
Utterly, achingly, alone.
I stumble over to my desk, grabbing a bottle off the shelf, foregoing a glass altogether.
The first drink burns.
Deliciously, distractingly, painfully.
By the third sip, I’m numb.
But I keep drinking until the bottle is empty.
The silence in the office is deafening.
But it’s still not loud enough to drown out the memory of her words.
“I slept with him.”
I replay it over and over and over, until my stomach flips and I grab the wastebasket by my desk.
And try to purge, purge the hurt, purge the memories, purge the feel of her skin under my fingertips, purge her scent first thing in the morning, purge those thoughts that whatever forever I had imagined, was nothing but lies.