CLARISSA
T
he view out of the window is breathtaking, and a small and niggling voice almost wants to resent Damien for never bringing me here.
But I don’t blame him. We were only ever just friends, and we made a bad decision thinking that we could have a marriage of convenience, that we could live that way forever. It just so happens that he came to that conclusion before I did. And I took it as a slight when I shouldn’t have. Falling in love with someone, or not being fallen in love with someone shouldn’t feel personal. We’ve all taken for granted how often it really happens.
I wonder if I would have come to that conclusion without having experienced these last few weeks with Matthias. Or would I have forever thought that wanting, wishing for a healthy relationship born of love, was a pipe dream?
The sun is low in the sky, and it paints an orange hue all over the vineyard. A group of parrots fly over the vineyard, sunlight on their wings. Not group. A pandemonium of parrots. Only Australians could say that with a straight face, I think affectionately.
I watch them fly off into the sky. Utterly majestic.
I could live here forever.
Checking the time, I call the club and tell everyone that they’re going to have to take charge for a few days. When I hang up, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. I’ll never get over how dry Australia is. I need some water, maybe there’s a bathroom or kitchen nearby.
I crack the door open to make sure the hallway is clear and step outside, almost colliding with my ex-fiance coming around the corner.
“Whoa, whoops, I’m so-” Damien starts, his face hardening as soon as he realizes it’s me. “You have got to be kidding me!”
“What’s going on?” Kingsley asks as he turns the corner with the rest of the family. “Oh. Clarissa.”
I know it’s rude not to answer, but I can’t move.
Of all the things that could’ve happened this was the absolute worst. In the back of the group I see My-Linh and a tall, slender, woman with hair almost all the way down her back turn to each other, mouths dropped open. The bride and her bridesmaid, I’m guessing.
‘”What are you doing here, Clarissa? Actually, I don’t care. Just leave. Now!” Damien’s voice booms over me.
“Whoa, whoa, take it easy, bro,” Kylian cuts in, pushing in between his brother and me. “Look, let’s just sit down and talk about this.”
“Where is he?” Damien growls, eyes still on me.
I open my mouth and sounds actually comes out. “He, er, he went looking for you.”
Kylian nods enthusiastically. “And look! Clarissa’s found you. See how helpful she is?”
Damien pushes his brother out of the way so he can tower over me. “Shut up, Kylian. Why is she here? Did you know she was coming?”
This time, Kylian isn’t as emphatic in his reply. “Um, I wouldn’t say ‘know’. I mean, do we ever really know anything?””
“Not helping, baby,” the tall woman in the back shouts. She must be Kiara.
“I’m trying, Kiki,” Kylian says out of the corner of his mouth.
“I think you’re failing though,” she says, matter-of-factly and I can’t help being fascinated by them despite the fact that my ex-fiance is looking at me like he wants to bury me in the grounds of the Baxter Winery.
“Damien, I promise I’m not here to cause any trouble. Tell him, Kylian.” Kylian shakes his head, covering his mouth. Sure, now he shuts up.
Damien bears down on me, face a picture of anger and disgust. “You don’t get it, do you? This almost didn’t happen because of you.”
His words hurt. “All this”-I wave my hand in the air -“was supposed to happen with us! Or have you conveniently forgotten now that you have someone who’ll cater to every whim?” I regret what I say as soon as it’s out of my mouth. I’m just angry. And we’ve never really sat down and talked about what happened.
“Damien, you didn’t know…? A small voice in the back finally speaks up and My-Linh walks to the front.
Damien’s face falls, softening when he looks at her. “My-Linh, of course not!”
She takes turns looking at me then him. “I think I need some air,” she says, and pushes past us so fast, all I sense is a waft of cherry blossom.
“I’ll go talk to her,” I say, feeling genuinely sorry that I’m ruining her day.
Damien sticks his arm out, blocking me. “The fuck you will. I think you’ve done enough. Just go.” He runs after her, and I see him in a whole new light.
If I had ever run like that from him, he’d just forget he ever knew me.
Kylian sighs. “Well, that went well, don’t you think, Kiki?”
Kiara steps forward to touch his arm, shaking her head as she eyes me. “Shush, just shush, baby.”
He frowns. “I can’t shush. And now I’m in a pickle. We all know I’m My-Linh’s favorite and Damien’s definitely. Kingsley, you adore me, and Clarissa, it’s safe to say I’m your favorite Baxter brother?”
“Get to the point,” Kiara says, even though she’s smiling at him.
He gives her a little kiss on the tip of her nose before he says, “My point is, should I go after them, or should I stay and wait for Matthias with you guys? I’m his favorite, you know.”
I genuinely feel utterly guilty. I don’t know what to do, other than go back inside the room, there’s no place for me in this conversation. “Go make sure they’re okay. I’m fine, I’m just going to go inside and wait for Matthias. I truly did not mean nor want to spoil this weekend as someone you hate. I was just coming out to get some water and it was just really bad timing.” Kylian sighs making his way down the hallway.
Kiara starts to follow but then stops in front of me. “She’s my best friend, you know. And I don’t have best friends. Never wanted one, never needed one. Until I met her. I’ve only known her six months but I would die for her. She’s the best person you’ll ever meet. She’ll even learn to like you more than you like yourself. So she doesn’t deserve this, not on her wedding, not ever. I don’t know why you’re here, but maybe you should’ve thought about someone other than yourself for once.”