And Nadia, who is a little younger, is so pretty that I can’t stop looking at her. It’s like you stepped off a Victoria’s Secret catwalk to get to the farm.
They chat happily in the back while Violet and I sit in pleasant but stunned silence in the front. It’s like I didn’t realize the tension I was carrying around Beau until the weight had lifted off of me.
Now I am hit with a full-body exhaustion that extends from the tips of my fingers to the tips of my toes. I could sleep for a week.
-Are you OK? Violet looks at me, her high ponytail falling over her shoulder.
-Yeah. -Sigh-. Just so, so tired.
You had a long trip.
-That’s how it went.
Long doesn’t even begin to cover it.
A smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
“I always wondered when they would notice each other.
My head turns towards her.
-Sorry?
“You and Jasper.” The two of them have been so in love with each other for so long. I saw that hug. Plus, I saw the look on his face that day when I first told him about your engagement. And on your wedding day? -She snorts-. I think he was looking for a reason to barge in and get you out of there. Poor emotionally stunted idiot that he is.
I blink, mind blank.
“He’s not emotionally stunted.” “I always jump in to defend Jasper, no matter what happens.
Violet looks at me out of the corner of her eye.
-If it is. I married one of those, so I know them when I see them.
“Wait,” says Nadia. Aren’t they cousins?
Mira’s finger shakes back and forth.
-No. He is the adoptive brother.
I see Nadia’s smile in the rearview mirror.
-Fuck. How horny.
I growl, but I can’t get a word out before Billie speaks.
“You should fuck him.”
I can’t help but laugh. My body shudders because this scenario is too much.
Emotions are on the surface. I’m delirious.
Violet laughs too.
“Billie, that’s always your advice.
“I tried,” I say from behind my hands because hiding while admitting this feels easier. He said we had to talk first.
-But has something happened? Violet can’t hide her curiosity. She was always the talkative type of girl.
-Yeah. “Under my hands, looking at the roof of the truck.” Something happened.
Billie hums thoughtfully behind me. As if he were about to give profound advice.
“You should demand that he fuck you.”
I sniffle and my eyes fill with another kind of tears. They are the good ones, the ones that come out when you laugh and try to contain them. I look in the rearview mirror at the back seat.
“It worked for me,” Mira says with a feline smile on her lips.
“Don’t tell me those things about my brother, please.” Nadia turns around and looks out the window, with an expression of exaggerated disgust on her face. You could do what I did and drive him crazy until he goes crazy.
Billie speaks again.
-No. Take out a Violet. Send him nudes.
Violet doesn’t shy away from Billie’s statement like she would have when she was younger. Instead, a proud smile spreads across his face as he drives down the snowy road until we reach the Neighbor’s Pub, the most run-down bar and liquor store I’ve ever seen. A flashing sign announces COLD BEER AND WINE!!!
With exclamation points and everything.
It feels appropriately dirty for the updated version of me I’m working on. I already like it.
“Or just do what I did and make him so jealous that he loses his mind, bangs on your door, and then slams you against the kitchen counter,” Billie adds.
I laugh harder, just like the others, and a warmth enters my chest. I would love to have friends like that in my life. I think I could have them with Willa and Summer.
As we get out of the truck, our spirits lightened by the jokes about my disastrous personal life and the burning of my lifelong friendship, relationship, and crush, I ask, “Do you think they sell Buddyz Best Beer here?”
“Of course,” Billie says over her shoulder as she yanks open the wooden door. Suddenly, I don’t feel so bad about everything anymore. All my loved ones are safe and happy.
Violet has a happy little crew here. They found Beau. Things between Jasper and I are messy right now, but… it’s us.
We always end up together somehow. We just have to stop fighting it.
Stefan, Mira’s husband, cooked us a huge, gourmet meal. At dinner, everyone in Billie and Vaughn’s spacious home clearly shared my sense of relief.
Vaughn cracked jokes that lightened the mood considerably. Cole and Griffin were quiet but friendly. The feeling of family among all the friends warmed my heart. The wine flowed easily, as did the conversation.
The dining room windows look out onto the pristine farm, and all the children have fallen asleep in the huge sunken living room while a Disney movie continues to roll on the screen.
It’s cozy and comforting, and I realize this group of people gather like this often. There’s a level of comfort between them that I want to snuggle into, but I still feel a little removed from it all. I’m still an intruder.
It’s just not Chestnut Springs.
I keep looking at Jasper across the table, wanting to see him smile, wanting to see him relieved and happy after weeks of seeing him devastated.
He’s not wearing a cap tonight, and that makes it very easy to see all the expressions on his face. I want to know he’s okay, but I quickly look away when his eyes lock onto mine.
My cheeks heat up and my spine tingles, and my brain plunges me back into last night, when he slid his fingers between my legs and made me come harder than ever.
I told him so much and he told me so little. He kept holding back and that hurt me. I’ve always felt like I’m his person, his safe place to vent, but in the last few days I’ve realized that he still keeps a lot of things under lock and key.
He hasn’t told me everything and that shouldn’t matter. We all have those secrets, I guess. But it is like this. I want to know it. I always want to be the person who knows the most about him.
That’s always been the one thing I’ve had with him that no other woman can claim.
You may not know your body. He may not have memorized all of his tattoos. But I know his heart.
I am intimately familiar with all the pieces he has given me over the years.
But they are not enough. I want the rest too.
When there is a lull in the conversation, I stifle a yawn. Violet, sitting next to me, pats my knee.
“Tired?”
I nod.
-Yeah. I think I’m going to retire for the night.
-Good. I took your bags to the little cabin near the stream. This way the kids won’t wake you up at five in the morning.
-Perfect.
Billie leans in and whispers in my ear, “That cabin is known around here as the Love Shack.”
Violet looks at her unimpressed.
“That’s what we called it when you and Vaughn lived there.