“This is crazy,” he murmurs as he turns the corner and finds our room. With a flick of the key, she enters the room and leaves her bag on a chair. She storms over to the windows, where she stands with her hands on her hips, silhouetted by the white on the opposite side of the glass.
“You’re not going back to him.”
He shrugs nonchalantly.
-Maybe I will. You don’t tell me what to do, Jasper.
Not yet. But I’ll do it.
-You will not do it.
He spins, his voice cutting across the room as if he’d thrown a dart at my chest.
-And why not?
– Because he sucks the life out of you! She leans back, clearly surprised by the volume of my voice. And I want to bring you back to life.
This time his laugh is not funny at all.
“Years, Jasper. Years. For years I have been the little cousin, the little sister, the good friend. For years I have seen you . Waiting for you every summer. I saw you date women who weren’t me, who would never be me. I was sick for you. And then I accepted what we were. I accepted that I would always love you and that you would never love me. I convinced myself that sometimes the great loves of our lives will be our closest friends. And it seemed good to me.
My stomach drops, my chest tightens, and I feel nauseous.
“I got so fucking comfortable in my head where I could want you like that but I was safe in the knowledge that you didn’t want me back. And now? Do you just change your mind? Suddenly? When emotions are already running high for both of you? This is crazy.
“I haven’t just changed my mind.” “I fear what I’m about to tell you.” She’s already angry with her father, and I hate the idea of being the one to make her hate him. Because hearing what she just told me, I know this will hurt her.
“Make this make sense to me, then!
My voice drops, and so do my eyes.
“It was your father.”
-That?
I pry the edges of my cap, pulling the brim down to protect myself.
“It was the fall you got a position at your company. You finally became a professional. You got a role in The Nutcracker. I went to help you move into your new apartment downtown. You were eighteen and I was twenty-four.
-I remember. -His voice is calm, it sounds hollow.
“We had fun putting it all together.
She nods.
-We did it.
I had secured a spot on the Grizzlies. I worked my way up from the farm team.
“I remember,” he repeats.
“Everything was going so well for both of us. I was so happy for you. So excited to see you on stage. Having a friend from home in the city with me.
Now his eyes shine.
-But your father found me leaving your house. I swallow and look at my hands, arms limp at my sides, before crossing them and sliding them under each other like a shield. He threatened to pull strings with his friend, the team owner, and kick me off the roster if I ever crossed that line with you. He told me to stay away from you. That I didn’t want to see myself in your presence alone again.
Still not saying anything. His blue eyes look at me with a disconcerting intensity.
You were still a child to me then. I didn’t really think about our relationship that way, but it scared me just the same. Sloane, you have to understand, I had nothing to my name except being good at hockey. Be damn good at hockey. Good enough to get me out of the ditch they left me in. And your father? He is powerful and connected enough to carry out his threats.
His bottom lip wobbles and his eyes flutter.
“But why would I want you to stay away from me?”
My face frowns and I run a hand through my stubble, listening to the squeaking in my ears.
“You really can’t guess, Sloane?” It’s because I’m not one of you. I’m from, I think he called it ‘the wrong side of the tracks.’ I don’t go on six-figure lion hunting trips or drive a Maybach. I came from nothing and made something by working like a donkey and putting on a show for the masses. I am indebted to men like your father, but I will never be one of them. I’m an Eaton at heart. A town boy. And I always will be, no matter how many zeros are on my paycheck. And to be frank, I’m happy with that.
-But I don’t care about your salary. I’ve never cared. -His voice is so small, so brittle.
I sigh and reach up to squeeze her wing, wanting to comfort her but not wanting to overdo it either.
-I know not. But that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all this time. He does not care of you. He doesn’t care that Sterling is shit to you. He doesn’t care what you want. He cares about what he needs. He couldn’t risk you or me ruining his plans or his reputation with my dirty upbringing and fucked up family dynamic. And I was too young and too desperate to challenge him. I missed your first professional ballet on the big stage because I was afraid. I kept you in the friend zone for years because I was afraid.
Remain motionless. The shiny facade he has assigned to his father all these years has cracked and a tear falls down his cheek. A perfect drop slides down her pale skin, and the reality of his manipulations seeps in a slow, devastated drip.
That frustration rises in me as I see her, and I tell her what I’ve been wanting to tell her for God knows how long.
“Times have changed, Sloane. I’m not afraid anymore. You’re not my fucking friend. You are only mine.
twenty
Sloane
Dad: Sloane. Answer this damn phone. NOW. You’re done disrespecting me. And if you go on a bender with that homeless orphan, there will be consequences.
I immerse my face in the hot water, hoping it will make the tears on my cheeks mix. The steam from Blisswater Hot Springs envelops me as fat flakes of white snow fall.
I sit on the tiled bench, submerged, and watch. The moment they come into contact with the surface of the water, they melt into nothingness.
I feel alarmingly similar to them. Everything I thought I knew about my life has vanished in a five-minute conversation.
The worst thing of all is that I’m angry with myself for not seeing it. Because the more I think about it, the more I think I’ve been willfully ignorant about my father.
What little girl wants to think that her father doesn’t have her interests in mind? I wasn’t subtle about my crush in the early days. He and my mother would have known it, they would have seen it.