-Enough. I’m already dead.
He barks a laugh as he walks around the table and leans over it. Is pool supposed to be sexy?
Because Jasper makes it look sexy.
Its hard body rests on the green felt lid. His veiny hands lightly wrap around the cue.
The way his eyes narrow like this is a Stanley Cup Final or something. The way that childish smile lights up his face when I complain about him kicking my ass. I hate losing… and yet, to see him smile like that, I would lose again and again. I would sit on a cold roof. I would dance in the rain. I would go on a trip and drink shitty beer and eat greasy food.
I would do anything for Jasper. Except tell him that.
Because when he rejects me, I will break. A million little pieces of me scattered to the wind. Never mind that my love for him is pathetically and tragically unrequited.
It’s just like that. The sky is blue. The herb is green. And I’ve loved Jasper Gervais since the first day I laid eyes on him.
With a few too many pints of cheap beer, it’s easy to admit it because my mental walls have completely evaporated. I am a twenty-eight year old woman with a one-sided childhood crush that consumes my soul. It’s hilarious if I think about it.
A drunk girl’s laugh comes out of me, and I’m not laughing with me, I’m definitely laughing at myself.
-You see? You just made a joke about being dead. You laugh at the most morbid shit.
Jasper smiles at me from under his cap, leaning on the upright pool cue.
I shake my head with a smile and take another sip. I really laugh at inappropriate things.
If he only knew.
“I really suck at this. “I hate myself a little for it too,” I reply, but I laugh as I say it.
His chin tilts toward me before moving in my direction from the opposite side of the table.
-Take. Let me teach you. You’re holding him too tight.
Jasper places his cue on the wall and stands behind me. Its fresh mint aroma reminds me of when I heard him shower in the same hotel room as me. The smell of his soap wafted through the steam as he stepped out of the shower with a towel around his waist and dark tattoos tracing every line of muscle. I didn’t get to see them all because I didn’t want to be amazed.
I forced myself to stare at the e-reader in my lap. Pure torture. I stared at the same page of the same book for the entire ten minutes, as if my ability to read had grown wings and flown out of my head at the mere thought of him naked and soapy.
Sure, we’ve lived in the ranch house for the past week, but there were so many other people coming and going that we never felt like we were truly alone, aside from the nights we spent sitting on the roof.
Now? On the road together? It’s like we are completely isolated.
-So. His pecs crash against my shoulders as he stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my torso like a cage. My body stiffens, and he doesn’t help when he says softly, “Relax, Sloane.” Lean over the table.
My cheeks flare up like a cherry and I swallow hard before doing as he tells me. I bend at the hips, slide my left hand along the cue and align it with the cue ball.
I’m already bad at pool, and having Jasper imitate how he fucks me from behind in public isn’t going to make me any better. All the balls are just a blur of color before me because my body is completely focused on his. The feeling. The smell. The way my chest vibrates from the butterflies that flock there.
I laugh.
“I think I saw this in a Hallmark movie once.
His right hand cups my elbow and his left slides up my arm as he gently adjusts my position.
What worries me most is pounding his ass like a cat in heat. The beer bottles are real. As real as the shame spiral will be tomorrow.
Be cool.
Be cool.
Calm down.
Even my inner voice huffs and puffs as I give myself another internal pep talk.
“This isn’t a Hallmark movie, Sunny. “His warm breath caresses my neck and ruffles my hair. I breathe quickly and my nipples instantly jiggle as his hips align with mine.
-What is it? -My voice comes out as a hoarse whisper.
His left hand comes up, his thumb brushing once over my wrist bone before sliding his fingers over mine.
-Just relax. “He moves my wrist gently. I think it’s trying to indicate that my hand is too tense. And then I watch enthralled as the tips of her fingers get powdered on the enormous diamond ring that still adorns my finger.
This is a friend teaching another friend how to hold a pool cue correctly.
-Good. “It feels like sinking into that frozen lake again. A cold dose of reality.
He pulls my cue back while helping me line up the shot and then pushes it back through the crease of my thumb. When the chalk-covered tip hits the ball, we freeze. His body on mine. My body against his.
At that moment, we pressed against each other.
I only hear the metallic noise of the balls hitting each other and the beating of my heart. We watch together, breathing the air that the other exhales, as the solid purple ball falls into the pocket.
And then he walks away. As usual. And I’m still leaning over the table, overthinking a perfectly innocent interaction.
As I always do.
The voice I hear next sounds like chalk twisting on the felt tip of my pool cue.
-Oh my God! Are you Jasper Gervais?
I don’t even need to look to know that Jasper offered an awkward smile and his signature tilt of his head to elicit the girlish squeals that now assault my ears.
I get up and head to the coat rack without looking back. I press the cue against the claws that suspend it from the wall before turning and taking in the scene.
I allow myself a deep, desperate breath before I crack a smile and head towards the beer that awaits me.
Two girls fawn over Jasper. I see them, but not really. As always, I only see Jasper. The way his body tenses, the light peach stain peeking out from beneath his stubble on his cheeks, his hands obsessively folding into the brim of his cap.
I slide in next to her, grab my beer, and watch a girl’s eyes fixate on my ring.
-Oh shit. They are together? -His finger moves lazily between us.
Jasper turns his head in my direction, staring into mine as if I could save him. But how to save it? I’m not sure. And even less so after he told me in the clearest way possible that I’m his friend while I was leaning over a pool table.
If that felt platonic to him, well, screw me sideways, I must be totally drunk.
-No. We are friends.
The girl smiles and sighs in relief.
-Well, congratulations on the engagement. Everyone’s eyes land on my hand, and I slowly raise my head, offering a weak smile in return.