Jasper nods, evaluating the dishes in front of us.
-I think you’re right. But I love fish and chips with vinegar.
Yes, we also ordered fries. According to Jasper, saying ‘fish’ and not ‘fish and chips’ is weird. During all the gluttony, he hasn’t said a word about my weight or mentioned how much or little I eat. He has only put food in front of me and made me participate in the fun of trying everything with him.
Even with everything being so fucked up, I can’t remember the last time I felt so relaxed.
Tonight I’m enjoying being myself, and I feel good without worrying about calories or how everyone around me perceives my every move.
-Fair. That was amazing too. Plus, those fries are totally homemade.
He pops another one in his mouth, chews, and nods appreciatively.
-I think you’re right. Do you want to play a game of pool before we come back and pass out?
He lifts his chin just above me, eyes trained on my shoulder. Again. When I turn to look at the pool table, I sneak a glance at it to see if I’ve spilled something on it or gotten a long hair out of a mole or something.
Seeing that my skin is clean, I hum contemplatively as I spot the pool table. It’s not too busy, but it’s not empty either. There are people milling around, which shows how bad I am at playing pool.
And I hate being bad at things. I hate failing. I hate to lose. I am competitive to the core.
“I really don’t know how.”
“Well, I’ll have to show you.” “Jasper pushes himself to his feet and, in two steps, has circled the table and looms over me with one hand outstretched. He seems relaxed. The way his hair curls into the back of his cap makes my fingertips itch.
-I’m fine. I’ll just keep an eye on you.
He scoffs playfully.
“Come on, Sunny. WWBD?
-Hey? My head tilts to the side and I look skeptically at his wide, warm palm.
“What would Beau do?” WWBD.
Actually I think it’s more of a tongue twister than saying the phrase.
His hand bounces in front of me.
Stop beating around the bush. Let’s go. Beau would play pool even if he was terrible at it. And he would have fun stinking 3 .
I make a suggestive face at Jasper. I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way, but after several pints of shitty beer I’m losing my mind.
His normally serious face immediately breaks into a breath-taking smile as he looks around the room and bursts into laughter. White teeth. Dimples hidden under the stubble. It’s impossible to look at Jasper smiling and not smile too.
A laugh escapes me and I slap my palm against his as he lifts me up.
-Good. But I’m going to stink .
His tongue slides across his lips almost suggestively, shaking his head as if he were in trouble. Something about the combination causes an ache to spread behind my hips. It’s effortlessly sexy. It completely distracts me.
“But you’re going to have fun doing it.” He points at me as he lets go of my hand and takes our beers before turning to the empty pool table in the corner.
We’re going too far with this joke, even for us, but the alcohol coursing through my veins makes me feel bolder than usual.
-I always do it! -I say happily to his broad back that presses rhythmically against the gray fabric of his shirt as he walks away, knowing that I will follow him because he has my beer and an ass to die for.
I see how he tilts his head back as he hears my words. A little prayer for patience, I’m sure.
“Jesus Christ, Sunny.
After placing our drinks on a high table, he grabs two tacos and turns to me with a defiant gleam in his eye. My heart skips a beat and relief hits me like a tidal wave. I was so worried about him. When he withdraws into himself, it scares me. I worry that if he steps back too far, if he slides into those dark cracks, he won’t be able to get back out.
Or it won’t turn out the same again. Melancholic and shy, but sweet. Jasper Gervais is so sweet beneath his sullen exterior that it almost makes my teeth hurt.
That’s another side of him that few people get to see. And I think I like that about him too. He doesn’t give away his attention in any way. He doesn’t absentmindedly hum at what you tell him as he scrolls through his phone. If you have Jasper Gervais’s attention, you have everything, and that’s because he wants you to have it.
He doesn’t just listen to me. He hears me . He sees me .
And there’s something beautiful about that, in the way you can look at someone and make them feel like the only person in the room. He is not ostentatious, he is not the life of the party, but he knows how to make a person feel special, to feel loved and cared for.
I have never met a more present soul.
How is? He speaks to me. He always has. It’s like a warm blanket I want to wrap myself in. And when his eyes shine and his smile is soft like now?
Forget it. Is awesome.
-Ready to play?
“Let’s do it.” -My eyes open wide. My God. What’s wrong with me? Billiards. Let’s do billiards. I raise a hand. Play billiards. Don’t play billiards. Ha. I quickly grab my beer and take a sip while Jasper laughs at me.
Beautiful brain-killing idiot.
“Do I have to cut you?”
“Shut up, Gervais. Let’s Play.
Fire burns in his eyes and he stares at me.
“Okay, Sloane. Let’s Play.
3 In English: Sucking, which means to stink or Suck.
fifteen
Sloane
Jasper: What’s taking you so long in there?
Sloane: I’m giving myself a drunk pep talk.
Jasper: What is that?
Sloane: It’s when I splash water on my face in the mirror. Then I tell myself to pull myself together and be cool.
Jasper: Are you talking to yourself in the women’s bathroom to be… cool?
Sloane: Exactly.
Jasper: Sunny. Be less cool. Come save me. The waitress keeps trying to talk to me.
Sloane: So talk to her.
Jasper: I don’t like talking to people.
Sloane: You talk to me.
Jasper: You’re not people .
Sloane: Lmao. What am I then?
Jasper: My person.