Everyone else laughs out loud.
Cade mutters something about him telling me, but I barely hear him.
I’m focused on Sloane. Because I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t do. So I’m wondering how I’m going to handle a road trip through the mountains with just the two of us and not go completely crazy.
Or do something completely crazy.
eleven
Sloane
Willa: Sloane, can you confirm that Jasper is okay? The boys are worried about him but they don’t know how to talk to him about their feelings. They have asked us to ask instead. It’s like a game of telephone around here.
Summer: We’re all texting. It’s nothing like a telephone game.
Sloane: He’s sad. It will be OK.
Willa: You should fuck him.
Summer: Wils, that can’t always be your advice.
Willa: Why not? It’s solid advice. It has worked for you.
Summer: He just ran away from his wedding.
Willa: Yeah, but that damn guy sucked. Jasper has that hot, tortured vibe to him.
Sloane: He’s sad. Not horny, Willa.
Willa: It can be both. Turn that frown around, little one!
“Okay, I have everything I need. “I get into the truck with a brand new duffel bag full of new clothes and toiletries. Harvey drove me into town this morning to fill in the gaps in my temporary wardrobe while Cade and Jasper went looking for a truck and trailer set.
Jasper looks at me speculatively. The truth is that he hasn’t told me much. I don’t know if I scared him with my comment about how much fun he would have in hell with him there, or if he just doesn’t want me to go with him.
Maybe forcing myself into his bed was going too far. Maybe he’s realizing I never got over him.
It’s hard to tell when he’s not talking. But I’m used to it. He’s always been quiet, and I’ve always done what I wanted. Talk to him. Him? I practiced my choreography when I ran out of things to say.
And he has always limited himself to watching. And listen.
I guess the way he’s looking at me isn’t new either, but it makes my hair stand on end.
I throw the bag into the back seat, my body rumbling along with the loud truck. The truck is huge, makes a lot of noise, and has the power to pull the flatbed that is now loaded with huge round bales of hay.
My palms slap against my thighs as I stare out the windshield at the posts flanking the end of the driveway, which are joined by an arch that has a wrought-iron Wishing Well Ranch sign hanging from it.
-OK. Let’s get going. “I’m ready for some fresh scenery.” I feel like I’ve been walking on eggshells all week here in Chestnut Springs.
Jasper doesn’t start the truck.
-Safe?
“Should we go?” I wrinkle my nose as I look at him, so focused on myself.
-No. May you come with me.
Heat flares in my cheeks like I’m a fucking teenager. I almost laugh at the turn my thoughts take. I’d pay good money to come with Jasper Gervais.
-Yeah. Stop asking, Gervais. You’re stuck with me.
I glance at Jasper’s handsome face. His beard is a little longer than usual, his hair is damp and combed back. His jaw is still as stupidly square as ever.
He looks at me, raising a dark eyebrow.
-Always.
I exhale a small sigh and drop his gaze again, trying to figure out what has changed between us these past few days. Did it all start that night at dinner, when you met Sterling for the first time? Or was it when he burst into that church room, like a fucking superhero in a perfectly tailored suit? Was it when we sat on the roof?
All I know is that something is different.
I can’t help but point out that taking this trip with me is a lot like running away from your life.
My mother said she would run away and, honestly, nothing has ever sounded more appealing. “Jasper is just the icing on the cake, but I don’t express that thought. Even I have limits when it comes to talking about this unrequited crush.
He gives me an amused look, one that says, You’re full of shit, before I add, Oh yeah? And what are you doing, Jasper?
His Adam’s apple bobs just above the neckline of his soft brown fleece as he swallows.
-Help to my family.
I guess we both have a story we stick to.
“Are you going to try to tell me that you don’t withdraw or isolate yourself when something bad happens?” It’s like you forget that I’ve known you for almost two decades.
A muscle in Jasper’s jaw flexes with a subtle nod. He goes ahead and starts the truck in drive.
“It’s impossible to forget how long I’ve known you, Sunny,” is all he says as we walk out the door.
And I spend an absurd amount of time turning that phrase over in my head, wondering what the hell it means. Impossible to forget.
-Think of me? I let go, looking at him motionless at the moment those words leave my lips. When we go weeks or months without talking or seeing each other… do you think of me?
-Because? -His voice is cold and even, it reveals nothing.
I twist my ring nervously and sigh.
-I don’t know. Here. With you. I make a gesture between the two. I keep forgetting everything else in my life. From everyone else. But when we’re apart I constantly go back to… you know what? Don’t worry. Ignore me.
The silence that stretches between us is dense, alive and sparkling with the warmth and reality of my almost confession.
A heat that invades my entire body when he finally responds: Every fucking day, Sunny.
“Do you want to play I spy?” I ask after what has to be at least an hour of silence.
I see Jasper withdraw into himself. His shoulders hunch, his knuckles turn white. I swear I can see inside his brain.
And what’s there is a man who is spinning.
It makes me want to get into his lap and shake him, to get him off whatever ledge he’s stuck on.
The only way I know to do it is to entertain and engage him. Making him laugh. He has the best laugh, deep and soft, a little breathy, like he’s trying to contain it and hide it.
When Jasper laughs, he seems shy. His eyes droop and his teeth shine. I guess after watching him so closely for so long, I’ve cataloged his every reaction. The little tics.