I see Cade’s cheek twitch. Getting into each other is our comfort zone. And damn, it feels good. The days have slowly bled into depressed normality. We had an uncomfortable family dinner. Harvey didn’t make blowjob jokes, and Beau wasn’t there to lighten the mood. It seems like everyone is doing the same thing. Waiting to hear something is the worst.
I go straight to the coffee maker, pour myself a cup, and take a seat at the table with the other two men.
“I think you’re so used to everyone fawning over you that you don’t know when you look like a fucking clown anymore.
“Adorable coming from the guy who wears jeans at least two sizes too small.” I give Cade a big cheesy smile, loving the feeling of something that’s not just sad.
“Willa likes them tight.
I raise an eyebrow.
“How long does it take to take them off?” I bet at least five minutes.
Bring your timer. You can see next time, I could probably teach your dumb ass a thing or two.
Harvey crosses his head between us with an amused smile on his lips.
“I’ll be sure to let you know so you can get off your Viagra on time, old friend.
-Oh no. Harvey waves a hand dismissively . The Eatons are a virile bunch. I don’t even need them.
-Jesus Christ. Cade lowers his head and stares at his coffee cup as if looking for answers so his father will stop saying inappropriate things.
I huff because I know that day will never come. And it is a sign of life that I will accept. Harvey’s sense of humor is one of the things I like most about him, and always has been.
And as quiet as I’ve been over the years, I’ve never been able to resist toeing that line with him.
Pushing him a little further to see what he says.
“Do you have someone special on the receiving end of all that manhood, Harv?”
-A few. It’s hard to choose just one, you know? Why choose? He gives me a manic smile.
“Make sure you wrap it ,” is my casual response. After his wife died so long ago, I’m glad he has company.
Harvey smiles.
“Talk to Cade about that. No with me.
Cade groans and throws his head back, now staring at the ceiling.
“I should have stayed at home.”
I nod, taking a long drink of the coffee in my hand.
-Probably. It’s early. I didn’t expect to find you here.
“Well, Harvey and I were about to do rock, paper, scissors to see who was going on a trip to see Violet at Ruby Creek with a load of hay.
My head twists.
-Sorry?
Harvey intervenes.
“Something about a hay shortage out there.” Hot and dry summer. So they called us, asking for a trailer full to help them get through the winter. He still complains that the hay there sucks compared to ours. The old man swells a little at his only daughter’s compliment.
Cade gives me a serious look.
-But neither of them wants to leave. -He clears his throat- . Just in case.
Harvey nods, eyes twitching instantly.
Just in case. I know what they say without having to ask for more. Just in case they find Beau. Just in case Beau is gone. Just in case they need to lean on their family when news comes about their dear brother.
-I will go. ” I don’t even need to think twice.”
They both turn their heads in my direction, surprise written on their faces.
Harvey smiles kindly at me, as he has done since he took me in, even when he already had too much on his plate. I have never met a man with a bigger heart than Harvey Eaton.
“You’re a good boy, Jasper. But you have your season. You can’t leave, even though it would mean a lot to me if you offered.
“Yes, about that… Actually I’m on leave now. For at least two weeks.
Harvey’s thick eyebrows furrow into his forehead.
-Because?
-Haven’t you seen their games this week? – says Cade.
I glare at him.
He just smiles.
“Fucking moron , ” I mutter without malice as I turn to Harvey . Because Roman is a dominant jerk who found out I hadn’t revealed what was going on to management and the coaching staff and then I shit my bed on the ice and we lost a bunch of games. And I guess instead of yelling at me from the sidelines like he always does, he decided to be inspirational or something and spoil me like a sad little boy.
I remain silent and they look at me with some concern, because I don’t usually say so many words at once. In fact, I don’t usually say many words. A long time ago I closed myself off and learned to listen better than to speak.
“Well… it’s quite a story ,” Harvey says, as if he doesn’t know what to say.
“You remind me a little of a sad child ,” Cade says.
Fool .
-I will go. You guys stay. I make a gesture between them . They have to be here. Cade, you have Willa and Luke, a baby on the way. Harvey, you have several girlfriends and your entire family as well.
They both laugh and I give a small smile, happy to liven up the atmosphere.
“You are our family too, you know? Cade gets serious. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate with him because he has a very dry sense of humor, but this is him being sensitive in his own way.
-I know. But there is no one here who needs me. Let me go. I can support the family by doing this trip. You two taught me how to transport, you know I’m capable with the truck and trailer. Plus, it would be nice to see Violet. She could use some distraction too.
Harvey’s fingers drum on the table.
The roads could be bad in the mountains this time of year.
You know my anxiety about driving, vehicles and accidents. It’s amazing how a simple mistake can translate into such widespread anxiety. But for him? For my family?
I can swallow it and ignore it.
My smile is tight.
-I know. But I can manage.
-Yeah. We all shook, surprised by the soft voice that came from the corner of the kitchen. As if having women in the house was so unusual these days . You can manage. And I’ll go with him to make sure he has company.
Without even looking at us, Sloane pours himself a coffee. She has put on simple black leggings combined with a gray sweatshirt that covers her upper body and wool socks around her ankles.
And when he turns to smile at us, his pale blonde hair a little disheveled, I can see the wrinkles in his cheek, where his face was pressed against the sheets of my bed. He has a cozy, slightly goofy look. It makes me think about how she felt pressed against me last night.
She looks different than I’ve ever seen her. Or maybe it’s just the way I’m seeing it now.
My God, Gervais. What the hell are you wearing? – loose.