“Yes,” I respond, smiling as I turn to him and hand him one of his t-shirts. With the number one on the back.
His eyes narrow and he gives me a flat look from under the brim of his cap.
-Where are you going to put that?
I roll my eyes, because I see that he is blushing slightly on the top of his cheeks and the tips of his ears are turning a little red. Jasper has never been comfortable with his fame. It has always made him feel uncomfortable.
“To your game tonight, obviously.
“Are you coming to my game?” He moves his head and looks like a child.
Duh. I add the shirt to the pile of clothes on my arm and head to the fitting room of the eerily quiet store. It’s so early there’s not even music. The only thing I hear is the hum of the lights, casting a terrible yellow glow on my face as I try on my clothes.
I look exhausted.
I’m exhausted. The only thing that keeps me going is how much Jasper needs someone to be by his side. And I am determined to be that someone. Especially after he kicked me out of my wedding.
I’m just returning the favor. That’s what I tell myself. Because the alternative is that I’m delighting in spending time alone with him, and I no longer want to be that lovestruck, moon-eyed girl who follows him everywhere. I want to be strong and independent. And a good friend. Because that’s what you really need right now.
“This shirt looks soooo good on me,” I announce from inside the locker room, annoying him a little, because I know he’s leaning against the opposite wall, all long limbs and dark blue eyes focused on the door. Somehow, even changing with him so close feels intensely personal.
I put my eye white. But I smile when he moans.
-Where are you going to go after the game? -is what he answers.
“I mean…” I stop, look in the mirror and choose to leave my shirt on. It’s big and comfortable, and I can tell that beneath all of Jasper’s complaints, he finds it fun. I thought we would go back to the ranch. I guess I should have asked you what your plans were. I checked your schedule. You have a good stretch of games at home.
-Yeah. Four.
I yank open the door and pose in my new leggings and sweater.
“How am I?”
He rolls his eyes and folds the brim of his cap. But I don’t miss the movement of his lips or the way his gaze runs over my body and legs.
“It might be late if we drive all the way back.” “He opens an arm for me to come forward, and I leave, no longer afraid of my pants falling down in front of him.
-Alright.
“We can always stay at my house in the city. The words are tense.
I stop in my tracks and turn to him, arching my neck to look him in the eyes.
-Is that what you want? I don’t know what I want, other than not facing reality yet. I’d like to keep my head in the sand for at least one more day. So I’ll go where you go.
His sapphire eyes drop to my lips for a moment and then back up again.
-No. I prefer to be on the ranch with everyone. Just in case.
Just in case. In case there’s any news, I guess.
“You could tell the team you need a night off.”
He shakes his head and drops a warm hand on my shoulder as he turns us around.
-No. It will feel good to play. Normal. Plus, the team needs me.
I nod, because I know that feeling. Dancing until my body aches and sweat runs down my back would be a comfort right now.
“Can I wear this?” I ask the locker room manager as we approach the podium.
He looks at me carefully.
“Of course, doll. Let me cut the labels and then you have to scan them at the checkout.
I offer him my best reassuring smile, trying hard not to look like a criminal.
-Of course. Thank you.
He glances at the shirt and then looks at Jasper, eyes widening slightly as he relates it.
“Are you Jasper Gervais?” Her silver hair sways as her head moves between him and the shirt I’m wearing.
-Yes ma’am. -Jasper smiles, always so kind to his fans. Anyone who doesn’t know him wouldn’t notice his discomfort. The way his neck tenses up a little. The way his thumb presses against the tips of his fingers.
My grandchildren are the biggest fans. Is there any chance you can sign…? He looks around, trying to find something. Oh God. Don’t know. Something? A sticky note? The kids would love it for Christmas.
I see how his body softens as soon as he starts talking about his grandchildren. I know that Jasper volunteers with sports programs for at-risk youth and that he has a real soft spot for kids.
-Of course. I will wait here. Why don’t you grab a couple of t-shirts in their sizes? I’ll take the labels and buy them too.
The woman puts her hands on her chest.
“Oh, you’re a very sweet boy,” she exclaims, looking at him with hearts in her eyes.
And I can’t even blame her. Me too.
-I’ll be right back! And I won’t tell anyone else and delay you. But God, you’re going to love this. Thank you so much!
In a few minutes she returns with a marker and two tiny t-shirts, like the happiest woman in the world. I watch Jasper’s burly frame lean over the podium as he carefully personalizes each shirt, checking the spelling of their names so they fit. His words ‘ sweet boy’ bounce around in my head. Jasper has always been a sweet boy.
But God, he grew up to be a good man.
Moments later, all the tags are cut off and Jasper walks me into the store, seeming a little calmer than before.
“Just a few more things.”
He doesn’t say anything, which I usually interpret as his agreement. So I go ahead and head to the makeup aisle. After seeing myself under those neon lights, I desperately need something to disguise the bags and general zombie look I have.
Concealer is my first stop. I try to choose a brand but realize I don’t know any. I came to Walmart to buy detergent, not makeup. I take one and evaluate it. If it weren’t for the label, it would be exactly the same as my usual concealer.
I turn to Jasper.
“Do you think what’s inside these is really that different?” I usually pay $50 for a tube of the same size. Do you think they put different labels on them in the same factory and then laugh at the rich who pay more for the same shit?
His lips twitch as he watches me intently.
“I love the way your brain works, Sunny.
-I’m serious! It’s five dollars, Jas. That’s a ninety percent discount!
“Well, you can’t blame that fancy private school education.
I snort and shake my head.
-I’m trying it on. This could change my life.
Mm-hmm.
It sounds like you don’t believe me.
Jas. Have you seen this translucent skin? The pretty blue vein running under my right eye? Concealer is my best friend.
“I thought I was your best friend.” The statement is so simple and yet it resonates with me.
I turn to the wall of alarmingly affordable concealer and scoff.