I nod in agreement. “I caught the last half streaming. Tyson’s a legend.”
“Big brother needs to get out more. All this streaming is turning you into a boring old man.”
“You may be on to something.” I stare at him deadpan. “I slept with my nanny. I slept with Clodagh.”
His eyes widen, and he breaks into annoying howls of laughter.
Frustrated, I slam my laptop shut. “Yes, yes, when you’re ready,” I snap. There’s no way I’ll accomplish anything now.
His laughter dies down to a chuckle. “She’s not your nanny. I have a disturbing image now.”
I heave a sigh. “You know what I mean. I fucked my employee. Clodagh. I’m that guy.” Is this what a midlife crisis looks like?
“Saturday night?”
I nod.
“I’m not surprised by the way you were so fired up. Don’t think Teagan didn’t notice either. She’s twelve, not stupid.”
Shit.
He tilts his head in an amused smirk. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why’d you fuck her?”
Connor asks some stupid questions for someone with a high IQ.
Because all I want to do is fuck her deep and hard every single day of my life, then cuddle her afterward, and it still won’t be enough.
“Why does any man fuck a woman?” I snap.
“Fair enough.” He shrugs. “Where?”
“In the house.” I’m a moron.
His brows lift.
“I know, I know,” I cut in before he can speak. “I don’t do it in the house when Teagan’s there. I broke my own rule. I followed Clodagh down to her studio and…” I slump in my leather wingback chair. “I got carried away. Now she’s barely making eye contact with me and tiptoeing around ever since.”
Guilt washes over me.
It’s been three days since Clodagh and I had sex, and the tension between us is so palpable you could slice it with a blade. She only speaks to me about chores in polite but terse tones.
I feel like shit. I went too far, all to satisfy my own selfish needs. I shouldn’t have followed her to her studio. I want her to feel safe and at ease in my home, and for the past few nights, she’s looked almost tormented.
This evening after work, I’m going to meet with Teagan’s ballet teacher to see if Clodagh’s instincts are correct. Maybe it’s for the best to create space between me and Clodagh.
His mouth twitches into a smirk. “So what happens now? Are you two in a ‘nanny with benefits’ relationship? She seems like a nice girl; you shouldn’t treat her badly.”
“I’m not trying to treat her badly. I’m trying to be professional,” I say, my chest growing tighter with each word. “She and Teagan are getting along better than the other nannies, so ideally, I don’t rock the status quo.”
“I think it’s safe to say the status quo has been rocked, Killian.”
“We’re both back to being professional. It was a mistake.”
“If you say so,” he says, still smirking.
I narrow my eyes on him, contemplating strangulation. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He folds his arms across his chest lazily. “If you run your hands through your hair any more, you’ll trigger premature balding.”
“I regret telling you now. Look, in eight weeks, Clodagh will be gone.” My jaw clenches at the realization. I imagine the house without her dulcet tones, her laughter, her scowls. Nothing left of her.
I shake my head, willing myself to get a grip. “Mrs. Dalton will be back, and that’s better for Teagan.”
He makes a humming sound but drops it.
“Don’t forget Teagan’s birthday dinner on Friday night. Then I have a teenybopper concert to attend. So don’t tell me I’m boring, buddy. We’re going to see…” I think for a moment. “Hayden Agu… fucking something or other.”
“Cayden. Even I know his name. I told you; you need to work harder at being a cool dad.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well, next week it will be some other pop star dickhead.”
He smiles. “She’s growing up so quickly. It feels like just yesterday she was swooning over the ponies at the city farm. Now she’s swooning over a guy with a ponytail.”
“Don’t start,” I groan. “She’ll always be my little girl. And any swooning will be done under my watch.”
I sometimes stare at Teagan, and it feels surreal because I can’t believe she’s nearly thirteen. It seems like yesterday that she was four years old.
He pushes off the wall and readies himself to go. “It’s in my calendar. Dinner, I mean. If you think I’m joining you to see Cayden Aguilar, you’ve got another thing coming.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I wave him off.
My phone beeps. I frown, seeing the sender. “Maria.” It’s another lovey-dovey message. “She’s got the wrong impression of me. I sent her flowers, and she’s acting like I proposed. I don’t know where this has come from.”
“A million guys would kill to be in your shoes.” He shakes his head and opens the door wider. “Is she still coming to dinner with the mayor to grease the slimeball up?”
“Yeah, she’s friends with his wife. Should be a good dynamic between them.”
I stare at the message.
It’s just a pity my ugly dead heart doesn’t feel a smidge of excitement about that.
***
I rap my knuckles on Teagan’s door and push it open, not expecting her to be awake at seven o’clock. I take a seat on the edge of the bed, and the lump beneath the covers stirs.
“Good morning, princess.” I lift the covers from her face.
“Uh.” Eyes closed, she screws up her face as if in pain.
“Time to get up, birthday girl.”