She may have said something else, but I didn’t hear her. I walked as quickly as I could back to James’ room. I needed him. And now this baby needed him. His baby. I couldn’t live without him. I couldn’t raise a child without him. The thought made me feel nauseous again. James didn’t want this baby. He didn’t want to be a father yet. How did this happen?
“Are you okay?” Rob said as I walked back into the room.
“I’m okay,” I said, and didn’t look him in the eye. I sat back down next to James and grabbed his hand. Wake up. You have to wake up!
“I know you’re lying.”
I looked up at Rob.
He wasn’t supposed to be the first person I told that I was pregnant. It was supposed to be James. It had to be James. “Wake up,” I whispered. I started to silently cry again as I clutched his lifeless hand.
“What did the doctor say?” Rob said.
“I’m not sick.”
“Penny, what did she say?”
If I had learned anything the past few days, it was that I had family and friends that I could count on no matter what. I didn’t want to cut anyone out anymore. And I needed to tell someone before the agony swallowed me whole. Because now it just wasn’t me that needed James. It was this baby inside of me that needed a father. I wanted to be strong, but I didn’t know if I was strong enough for all three of us. But I couldn’t do it. I needed to tell James alone.
Rob sighed. “You can talk to me. You can tell me anything, Penny, you know that.”
I nodded. I’d tell him soon, but I had to tell James first. “Can I be alone with him for a second?”
“I’ll go give everyone an update.” Rob stood up and stretched.
“The doctor said he has a 50 percent chance of waking up.” I didn’t look up at Rob. I just stared at James’ face.
“He’s going to wake up,” Rob said. “I know he will. I’ll be right back.” I heard the door close behind him.
My lip started to tremble and I pressed my forehead against the back of James’ hand. “James, please wake up. I need you to wake up.” The beeping of the machine was driving me crazy. I knew it meant he was alive. But it was teasing me. He was alive, but he wasn’t here with me. “I know you can hear me,” I said. I lifted my head. “Baby, I know you can hear me.” I stood up and leaned forward, kissing his forehead.
I took a deep breath. James didn’t want children yet. But I knew if he was awake, he’d be excited. He’d want this one. He or she would be good and kind and loving just like him. I kissed his forehead again. “I’m pregnant.” I ran my fingers through his hair. “We’re going to have a baby.” My voice cracked on the last word.
It killed me to see him like this. It made my chest hurt. I wanted to see him smile again. I wanted to hear his laugh.
“Come back to me. Please come back to me.”
***
I didn’t hear what anyone said as they filtered in and out of the room. I just kept my hand in James’ and continued to whisper to him.
“Mrs. Hunter, we need to have a word with you.”
I didn’t look up.
“Mrs. Hunter?”
I slowly lifted my head. It was a police officer. Not the same one as we had met from the precinct. But similar enough. I immediately hated him. I had a tendency to blame myself, but this was their fault too. They wouldn’t listen to us about Isabella. They wouldn’t let us get a restraining order.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Well, I have some questions for you.”
“Get out.”
“Excuse me?”
“Get out.” I had never heard myself sound so authoritative before. But the officer almost seemed to shrink at my words.
“Another time then,” the officer said and retreated out of the room.
I saw Porter standing outside the room. He turned his head and we made eye contact for a second. I could see it in his eyes. He felt guilty for what happened. But I couldn’t talk to him right now. I couldn’t talk to anyone. My own guilt was eating me up.
I ran my hand across my stomach. How had I let this happen? The pain was too much. I was sinking. Only James could save me. I put my forehead on his hand. Please wake up.
Monday
No change. I stared at James’ handsome features as the doctor walked out of the room. They weren’t strained with stress or worry. But he didn’t look peaceful. He looked lifeless. The thought chilled me to the core.
Tuesday
His hand felt colder. Or maybe mine did. It felt like we were both slipping into the unknown. I was weak. I was so weak without him. The fear of losing him was swallowing me whole.
Wednesday
“Penny, it’s the tenth time he’s called.” Rob was standing by the door holding my cell phone. I couldn’t stand hearing it ring so I had given it to him. I couldn’t talk to the press. I couldn’t talk to James’ lawyer. I couldn’t talk to anyone.
“Tell him I’ll call him back.”
Rob hesitated by the door. “He’s one of your best friends. Don’t shut people out right now. The cops have been hounding him. He just needs to know you’re okay.”
“Well, I’m not okay.” I bit my lip to prevent myself from crying again.
“Then tell him that.” He held the phone out to me.
I stood up and walked over to Rob. He handed me the phone and left the room. I wanted to press the end call button. But Rob was right. Tyler deserved to know what was going on. Especially if the police were badgering him about this.
“Hi, Tyler,” I said softly into the phone. I turned to look at James.
“I saw what happened on T. V. I…” his voice trailed off. “Penny, I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t say anything. I had heard so many people say they were sorry. Sorry for what? This wasn’t their fault. Sorry for my pain? No. I wasn’t who they should be feeling sorry for. Sorry wasn’t the right word. I looked away from James and stared out the small window.
“Penny?”
“I’m here.”
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m okay.”