“Hi, James, it’s me.” I tried to say it sternly, but my voice cracked, giving me away. I took a deep breath. I can do this. “I just wanted to let you know that I gave Ian my keys and credit card. And I’m out of New York, like you wanted. Could you maybe mail some of my things to my parents’ house? I’ll have them send them to me when I settle down.” What things were even mine, really? I bit my lip. Nothing. My clothes, my computer, my phone, he had bought all of it. “Actually, never mind. You can just donate all that stuff or whatever you want to do. I don’t want it. And you can cancel my cell phone too. I’ll have that figured out before you get your next bill, I promise.” Why was I promising him things when all his promises meant nothing? I thought about my wedding dress hanging in my closet. His closet. I wiped the tears off my cheeks. I wished I had called the apartment line. Then maybe he’d hear me and pick up. Instead, he’d probably delete this message before he even listened to it. So it didn’t even matter what I said. I wrapped my free arm tightly around myself to help make the feeling of loneliness fade. It didn’t work. “You promised you wouldn’t push me away again, James. You promised.”
I moved the phone away from my mouth as I tried to hold back a sob. I quickly ended the call and sunk back down onto the ground. I wanted to scream and throw my phone. Instead I put my face in my hands and started to cry uncontrollably. I wasn’t sure how long I sat there crying. My phone buzzing finally made me lift my head.
My heart let me hope for one second that it was James. I quickly grabbed my phone. Please be James. Tyler’s name flashed across my screen. Of course it was Tyler. He’d want to know if I needed help decorating for the rehearsal dinner. Or writing my vows. Or something else sweet because that’s the kind of guy he was. I laughed. It sounded strange in my throat. No, he wasn’t calling to be sweet. He probably wanted to know why he suddenly had 20 million dollars in his bank account. No one else I knew had reached out to me because no one else knew what had happened. My parents were sitting in some hotel in New York, still thinking I was getting married tomorrow. I wanted to ignore Tyler’s call. I wanted to be alone to wallow. But I owed him an explanation.
I slid my finger across the screen. “Hey, Tyler.”
“Hey, Penny.”
The awkward silence made my chest hurt even more. He knew. God, he knows. I pulled my knees to my chest.
Tyler cleared his throat. “I think we need to talk. Can you come over?”
“I’m not in New York.”
“Where are you?”
“Sitting in the rain on Main Street.”
“Main Street? Are you in Newark?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, well first of all, get out of the rain, weirdo.”
I laughed. This time it didn’t sound as strange. “I like the rain.” It reminds me of him.
“You don’t want to be sick for your wedding.”
I closed my eyes. It was so obvious that Tyler knew. Why was he torturing me like this? “I’m not getting married.” My words were greeted by silence. I stood up and stepped under the overhang of the roof to block some of the rain. I didn’t care about being sick, but if my phone broke I’d be even worse off. I wiped off some of the rain and put it back to my ear. “Tyler, are you still there?”
“I need to see you.”
“I’m not going to be here by the time you get here.”
“Penny, please.”
“I already booked a flight. ”
“Where?”
“Chicago. Could you maybe not tell anyone? I just… I need to do this on my own.”
“You don’t need to do it on your own. Let me come with you.”
“What?”
“I want to come with you. I fucking hate New York.”
“You don’t hate New York. You love it there. You have an amazing job and a great apartment. Melissa just moved in. You’re happy.”
“Happy?” He sighed. “Penny, I don’t want to be here if you’re not here with me.”
“Tyler, stop.”
“You know how I feel about you, you know that I’d…”
“You’re dating my best friend!”
“I love you, Penny. I’ve never stopped loving you.”
“What are you talking about? That’s all in the past. We’re friends. We’ve been friends for years.”
“Because you put me there. I still want you. And James is a fucking asshole for hurting you. I don’t want to be having this conversation on the phone. Please, let me meet you in Chicago. We need to talk about this in person. Please, Penny.”
I sighed and leaned against the brick wall. No wonder James had jumped to the conclusion that he had. He knew. How did I not know? I thought Tyler and I were good. I thought we were on the same page. “Okay. Yeah, we need to talk about this.”
“Yeah? What airport are you flying into? I’ll book the flight right now.”
“Just come here.”
“You’ll wait for me?” His words made the ache in my chest even worse. He had been waiting for me this whole time.
“I’ll get a later flight.”
“Get out of the rain, but don’t leave Newark. I’ll be there by… 9 o’clock, okay?”
“Okay.”
“See you soon, Penny.” The line went dead.
I stuffed my phone back into my purse and walked back into the rain. I just wanted to be alone.
Friday
It was weird being back here. I looked down at the worn steps of Tyler’s frat house. It was also hard to think about how different my life would be if I had never slept with my professor. Maybe I’d be with Tyler. Maybe I’d be happy. But I couldn’t go back in time. I couldn’t change what had happened, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to.