“Does he even realize how upset you are?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him.”
“Penny. Come on. You deserve better than this. You deserve better than him.”
“You don’t even know him.” I suddenly felt cold. I wrapped my arms around myself.
“I know enough.”
He didn’t say it, but what he meant was that Professor Hunter was dating a student. And that made Professor Hunter a creepy asshole. But Tyler couldn’t be more wrong. I loved Professor Hunter. I loved him more than I even realized I could love someone. And I needed him back. “He’s a good guy, Tyler. This whole thing is my fault. I deserve this.”
“You deserve to be happy. And he’s not making you happy.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this.” I bit my lip. I didn’t want to start crying in the middle of the restaurant.
Tyler was quiet for a moment. I could feel his eyes on me. “I think you should report what happened to the dean.”
I winced at his words. I should have known that’s why he wanted to talk to me. “Tyler, you don’t even know the whole story.”
“The whole story doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he broke the rules.”
“I broke the rules too.” I pushed him every chance I got. Blatantly flirting with him in class, texting him, not leaving him alone when he had asked me to. “I wanted this. Probably more than he did.” Clearly more than he did. If he wanted this, wouldn’t he have forgiven me by now? The thought made my stomach churn.
The waitress put our food down in front of us. I was no longer hungry. The realization that Professor Hunter didn’t want me suddenly felt like a fresh wound. I slowly cut into my pancakes and took a bite. It didn’t taste like anything.
“Just think about it, okay?” Tyler continued.
No! “Okay.”
We ate in silence. I chewed and swallowed and tried not to make a disgusted face.
“Are you excited for your birthday?” Tyler asked as he pushed his plate to the side.
My birthday. There was nothing I wanted more than to spend my birthday with Professor Hunter. But it was tomorrow. And he still wasn’t talking to me. I didn’t have any plans for my actual birthday. Melissa had planned our joint birthday party for Friday. It was still costume themed. And it was being held at Tyler and Josh’s frat house. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. Whenever Melissa asked me about any of the details I’d just mumble yes to all her plans. I figured I just wouldn’t go. I realized I hadn’t answered Tyler’s question. “I guess.”
Tyler laughed. “You don’t sound excited.”
A month ago I was thrilled that I would be turning 20 soon. I didn’t want to be a teenager. I wanted to be more mature and for Professor Hunter to want me. But now I was just sad. Turning 20 seemed like a big deal. I had been so wrapped up in the idea of what Professor Hunter thought about my age that I hadn’t taken into account how I really felt about turning 20. “I feel old.”
“That’s because you haven’t been eating.”
I laughed. It sounded strange in my throat. “You know what I mean. I won’t be a teenager anymore. I’m an old lady.”
Tyler laughed. “Coming from a 21 year old, 20 isn’t so bad. And you aren’t an old lady. You only have a few wrinkles.”
“What?”
“I’m just kidding,” Tyler laughed. “You don’t have any wrinkles. You’re perfect.”
Perfect. I looked down at my half eaten pancakes. He still liked me. How could he still like me? I had an affair with our professor. I had lied to him. I was far from perfect. His compliment was off-putting and I could feel my face flush.
“Do you have any plans for tomorrow night?” he asked.
“Just hanging out with Melissa.”
“Then we’ll celebrate Friday I guess.” Tyler pulled his cell phone out of his jeans and looked at the screen. “I have to get to my next class because I have a test.” He put a twenty dollar bill on the table.
“I can pay this time,” I said. I opened up my backpack to grab some money.
“Happy early birthday, Penny. I’ll see you on Friday.” He gave me one last smile and walked away.
Thursday
I had never understood what Professor Hunter saw in me. Had he fallen for me because I was so bold? If that was it, no wonder he was ignoring me now. I felt like a small fragment of the person that I was just a few weeks ago. I had to shake this feeling. My birthday was flying by in a blur. Tons of people had wished me a happy birthday, but none of them had been Professor Hunter. I needed to accept the fact that we were done. It was a tryst. It was only for a month. I had taken everything too seriously. He was my professor. He was older than me. He was married for Christ’s sake. It wasn’t going anywhere.
I opened up my text that I had gotten from Tyler that morning: “Penny, I hope you have a fantastic birthday. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow and celebrate. Even though you’re old now, to me you’ll always be perfect. Wrinkles and all.”
I smiled as I looked down at the words. Tyler was the sweetest guy I had ever known. But I didn’t think I could date him. I couldn’t take being hurt anymore. Being an old cat lady was sounding better and better every day.
Melissa came in to the room with a package in her hands. “Penny!”
“Hey,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. I eyed the package in her hands. She had already given me a birthday gift. It was a dress that was far too short and cupcakes that I had already eaten way too many of. At least I had gotten my appetite back for birthday cupcakes.
She walked over to my bed and placed the box down on my bed. “This is for you.”
“But you already got me enough.”
“It’s not from me.”
“Who is it from?”
Melissa sat down on my bed. “It doesn’t say. It’s just addressed to you. Open it, Penny!”
For a moment I let myself believe it was from Professor Hunter. My heart rate accelerated. He actually remembered. I grabbed scissors off my desk, cut through the tape, and ripped open the box. I opened the card and looked down at the familiar handwriting. My mom’s writing.