Marius
One Month Later
She didn’t come back.
I waited. But she never walked through the hotel door again.
Not once to say she’d forgiven me. Not once to say she was wrong. Not even once to say goodbye.
I really did think she’d come back.
But the day turned into night. And when I woke up, it was still just me in the bed.
So I got up and pretended like my life was just as it always had been. One day after the other, without her.
One night after the other, reading and rereading the letter she’d had Jez give to me.
“What is this?” I’d asked him, when he’d handed it to me.
“I don’t know, man. She… she wanted me to give it to you.”
Given it to him, when? When had he seen her? “When? Where is she?”
“She’s gone. She’s gone for now,” he’d said. And nothing more.
“When is she coming back?”
“I don’t know, man. Maybe never. I don’t know.”
“Jez… please. I have to know.” I’d pleaded with him.
“I know. I’m sorry. But, it’s what she wanted.”
“Tell me where she is, Jez. Fucking hell, don’t pull this big brother crap on me right now.”
He’d patted me on the shoulder and pointed to the letter. “Just read the letter. I’m sorry, man. I really am.” And walked away.
They found the Maestro a few days after we left Nice. He was still following the tour bus, thinking Anca was still with us and was caught skulking around the parking lot by one of the crew. He was armed. The police have no doubt that with all the evidence we have against him, he’ll be put away for a long time. I thought then that she would come back and join us, at least to be around people who could support her through the legal proceedings, but Jez hired her a lawyer who took care of everything on her side, and she never came back.
And every time I asked where she was and how I could get in contact with her, the answer was the same – read the letter. Meaning, give her space.
***
Today is the last concert on the tour and it goes by without a hitch. Why shouldn’t it? We could do it blindfolded. Cadence filled in as guest performer for the last week of the tour. And after today’s tour wrap up party, she and Sebastian will fly back to Australia for a few weeks while she sees out the school term, and he can stay home and pretend to be a kept man for once.
The crew is packing up all our touring equipment as I sit here, watching our stage life get put away in trunks and trucks until the next time we’re on the road. Hundreds of lights and sound equipment. Music stands and cables. Thousands and thousands of feet of cables. Where did they all come from? It’s somewhat depressing watching it all get put away to gather dust after months of use.
“Hey,” Cadence says, coming over and sits on an equipment trunk next to me. She hands me a beer and we clink bottle necks.
“Hey.”
“Watching life pass you by?” she asks.
“Feels like it. Who knew there was so much… stuff? What happened to the dream of it being just four guys and our instruments, playing whatever the hell we wanted, to whoever the hell wanted to listen to it?”
“What happened was a lot of ‘whoevers’ wanted to listen to the ‘whatevers’ you were playing and willing to pay a lot for the privilege. It’s a good thing. Look-” she points to the tens of people working, “You’re keeping all these people in work.”
“Try not being reasonable for once.” I frown at her, and she just laughs.
“I can give that a try, how ’bout this- isn’t it time you get off your sulky ass?”
“Dude. Reasonable, not mean.”
“Sorry. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. I miss her.”
“Fair.”
“And I wish I could talk to her.”
“What would you say?”
I pick at the bottle label, running through the words I’ve practiced in my head for the last two weeks.
“Not much. Just this. ‘I was wrong.'”
Cadence just nods, but doesn’t say anything.
“I was wrong, to think that I knew what was best for her, and not listen to what she wanted.”
“What about the Jez thing?”
I shrug. “I can’t help that I fell in love with his little sister. I just can’t. And I can’t change it, and I wouldn’t. I think he and I are okay now, but maybe it’s because she’s not here and he can put it behind him. But I can’t make any promises that when… if she comes back, I’m not going to do everything I can in my power to get her back. I think that Jez sees that it wasn’t just a fling. We’re meant to be.”
She smiles and leans her head on my shoulder. “My Mazzy, all growed up.”
I laugh, “Yeah, it took a punch to the face and a knee to the dongleberries to make it happen.”
She sits up and hands me piece of paper. I just look at it, confused.
“Those things you just said to me, it’s time to go tell her. This is where she’s staying.”
I stare at her open-mouthed. No one has told me anything about where I can find her for the last month.
“Wha-… how?”
“Jez gave it to me.”
“What? When?”
“A few days ago. He hasn’t seen her since she left either, but they e-mail now and then. He told me to give it to you, when I thought you were ready. You know what this means, right?”
“You think I’m mature and old?”
“No!” She shakes her head. “It means… you have his blessing. He wouldn’t tell you where she is, if he wasn’t okay with it.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah.”
“I guess I better…”
“Go. It’s time you guys buried that rusty hatchet.”
I give her a big hug and a kiss on her cheek, thankful for her in my life.
“Oi! That’s my ball and chain! Get your own!” Sebastian yells from the stage where he’s getting in the way of the roadies.
“I’m trying, trust me!” I yell back.
“Oi, LimpTits!” I call out, and Jez pokes his head out from backstage.
“What do you want, maggotsack?”
I hold up the piece of paper, waving it for him to see and tilt my head.
“Well, are you fucking coming or not?”
Anca
I can smell the field of grass, even before I see it.
Or maybe I’m just imagining it as I walk down along this narrow road, that when I turn the corner, there it will be. A thick, decadent carpet of green laid out for me, ready for me to take my shoes off, and dance barefoot atop of its luscious leaves. But I can’t indulge for too long. The church bell will ring, and like Fraulein Maria, I’ll be gathering my things and running to class. Late, almost always late.
So, no dancing today, I tell myself. I have so much to do before the kids arrive, I want to give them a big surprise, something I’ve prepared for them over the weekend.
I’ve only been back in Romania, here in Busteni, the small mountain village I grew up in, for three weeks, but it feels like I haven’t been away at all.