Trying to wash the clingy, thick tar feel of Silas’s touch and voice off me, but it’s of no use. At some point, the tears stop and it’s just water streaming down my face. The red-hot coal in my chest only burns hotter as I run through the events that have led me here.
I made a mistake. I know it now. And now I don’t know how to get out of it.
I towel myself off and tiptoe into Ben’s room.
His wall and ceiling are covered in soft little stars projected from his night light. Brad had bought it for him after Ben had seen the light show at the first Rock Chamber Boys concert he went to. And now he won’t fall asleep without it.
Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I watch the light dance over the bed, an errant star sometimes flashing over Ben’s face, making me smile. I know then why he can’t sleep without it. It’s like Brad is watching over him. I stroke a hair off his forehead and lean down to press a kiss against his cheek. My sweet baby boy, my Benny Boy. The thought of Brad’s nickname for him twists at my heart, and I wonder how much Brad is missing him.
Without thinking, without letting myself think, I take a picture of Ben sleeping and send it to Brad.
There’s an instant reply, a love heart emoticon “