It was two policemen and they were asking after me. When they saw I wasn’t there, they asked if Ben was there. Carrie brought him out and they looked him over and asked a few questions-if he was okay, if he was in trouble, where was his mommy, did he know the people around him. They said Ben was pretty happy but he didn’t know where I had disappeared to overnight and that was a bit worrying. The police left a card and asked me to call when I got back.
“It was Silas,” I tell him, without a shadow of a doubt.
“What are you talking about?”
“Silas called them and made some bogus report, I’m sure of it.”
“You mean, about Ben? About you and Ben?”
“About me not taking care of Ben.”
“No. No, he wouldn’t, would he?”
“He threatened me the other day.
“He threatened you? When? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It was just yesterday.”
“What did he say?”
“It was after Ben went missing. He was in the tent with me, and he said… ugh, I don’t remember exactly, but he said that maybe it was time that things were going to change with him and Ben. He wants him, he wants to take him away, I’m sure of it. Oh my God, Brad, what if they take Ben away?” The panic comes on fast and strong.
“Shh, baby. Just try and stay calm. We don’t know what’s going on yet. Let’s just get you back and we’re going to get to the bottom of this.”
“I…can’t…I can’t lose him, Brad. I just can’t.”
“You’re not going to. Right now, it’s nothing to worry about, okay? We’ll be there soon.”
And I wish that believing is enough to make it true.
***
The police tell me nothing when I call them. Just that they had had a call and they thought they should check up on Ben. They said they saw nothing wrong and no formal report had been made. They wouldn’t tell me who had made the call, but I don’t need them to tell me. I already know. They did make a throwaway comment, that maybe I shouldn’t go off without leaving my son to worry about where I was.
I don’t bother telling them that right now I’m going to have trouble letting him out of my sight.
Once I’ve spoken to the police, we return to our buses. Brad insists that Ben and I join the guys on their bus, and I go for Ben’s sake. I know he’s confused about the police coming, and being around the band will help him feel safe and distract him from his thoughts.
I bring my laptop, ready to work on my next column, but I can’t concentrate on anything on the screen. I can’t focus.
How do I go from day to day not knowing what Silas has in store for me? Am I supposed to just sit and wait to see how things will play out? Let him lead this at his own schedule?
Or should I find out, once and for all, what he really wants?
I take out my phone and bring up his name.
I know it was you. Don’t even try to deny it. What do you want?
I press Send. And sit. And wait.
***
“Emily, how nice to hear from you.” His voice over the phone makes me slide my hands over my arms, brushing away imaginary creepy crawlies.
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I know it was you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Sending the police to check up on Ben, that was low. Even for you, Silas.”
“I don’t know what you mean. Must be a great big misunderstanding.”
“Misunderstanding, my ass!”
“Oh no, sweetheart. I’ve always read your ass just as you’d intended.”
“You better stop with all this, Silas. I don’t know what you’re planning, but it’s got to stop.”
“Look. I don’t know what you’re talking about, okay? But anyway, since you called. Have you given any more thought to coming to work for my band?”
His question completely blindsides me and I don’t even have a response. Why on earth would I have thought about it? I’d made it clear that I had no interest in coming to write for him whatsoever at the Snow Festival.
“Can I take that silence as something promising?”
“You can take it as me trying to adopt the motto of ‘If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.'”
“My my, I don’t remember you being so feisty. Maybe traveling with a rock band has had a bad effect on you.”
“I can only imagine what would happen to my potty mouth if I were traveling with you.”
“Look, relax. I didn’t call to fight. I called to offer the job to you again. Have you been reading the write-ups about the Snow Festival? Hardly anyone mentioned us. The ones who did, though, loved our set, but we need more exposure. We don’t just want you to write up silly little columns for us; we want you to head our PR team.”
“I don’t know the first thing about PR, Silas.” Not that it matters.
“You know how to put us in a good light, get our name out there. I’m seeing how you did it for the Rock Chamber Boys. Now you can do it for us, from the ground up.”
“They were already Grammy-winning artists, Silas. I know I don’t need to remind you.” I can’t help rubbing in.
“And this time next year, so will we. If what I have in mind goes as I planned.”
“Does that include Ben?”
“Back to that? You know, you’re so short-minded. The more successful I am, the better it is for him. Have you ever thought of that? And anyway, maybe you should remember that if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t even have a Ben. So don’t be so ungrateful. I gave you the one person you love most in the world.”
I shouldn’t have brought Ben up. Just the thought of Silas having anything to do with him makes my heart twist. “Are you threatening me again?”
“I never did, my dear. Just a friendly reminder is all. Anyway, gotta go. Have a think again about what I’m offering. A good, long, smart think.”
He hangs up the phone and I listen to the beeping tone until it finally turns off.