He catches my eye and he smiles softly and does a little happy wave with his bow.
“You all right then?” he says to me.
I nod and he says something to the band. They take their places and I stand up, taking Ben’s hand in mine. I give Silas a look as we walk past him and he follows us closely behind. The music starts up around us, and we wait until we’re in the relative quiet of the tent before talking.
“Ben!” Carries yells when she sees him and runs up, taking him in her arms much like I had just a minute ago. “Oh Ben, why did you run away? I was so worried about you!”
“I didn’t run away. I went to see Mommy. Then someone bumped into me and I got caught up in a crowd. I got kinda lost but then I saw Daddy and he helped me.”
I raise an eyebrow at Silas.
“Hey, it’s what happened,” he confirms.
“Are you okay, Ben? Does your arm hurt?”
“A little bit, but I’m okay. I’m thirsty though.”
“Okay, let’s get you a drink.” Carrie looks to me to make sure, and I nod, glad for some alone time with Silas.
“So, you just happened to be there, Silas?”
“What does that mean?” He raises an eyebrow but offers no more information.
“I don’t know, it just seems…”
“You think I was just lurking, in case my son got lost so I could kidnap him… and then bring him back five minutes later. Come on, Emily.”
“I don’t know what to think. You’ve just been…you’ve just been everywhere I turn these last few days and it’s freaking me out.”
“Well, you know what? Maybe you should be glad I’ve been around. Who knows what could’ve happened to him? What are you thinking anyway bringing him here? Bringing him on the goddamn tour?”
“I-I…”
“Maybe it’s me who should be thinking things over.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means, I was twenty-one when he was born. I’m older now. You said maybe things will change at some point. Maybe that point is now.”
“Don’t threaten me, Silas.”
“It’s only a threat if I don’t intend on going through with it. And you should know me better than that. I’ll see you around, Emily. Whether it freaks you out or not.”
The shiver that runs through my body when he pulls apart the tent flap and walks out has nothing to do with the flash of wind that blows through the small enclosure.
I knew it. I knew it would come to this one day.
My fuck-ups are coming back to haunt me one by one.
Brad
The show goes on, but I’m only there in part, mentally. It’s not enough to call attention to myself from the other guys though, and the crowd doesn’t seem to have any problems with our performance at all. But I sit out any optional solos that I might normally do, and when the main set is done and we’re backstage quickly discussing the encore, I’m okay with Marius and Jez going up to do a duet on their own.
As soon as they start their song, I leave my violin with Sebastian and tell him I need to run. He doesn’t bother questioning me, just gives me a nod and tells me to go.
I run down the stairs behind the stage, pushing against the crew and other bands. I barely stop when someone pats me on the back to congratulate me on our performance.
None of it registers.
I just need to get to Ben. And Emily. I need to get to them.
Throwing the tent flap aside, the brightness inside blinds me for a moment.
And I come to a stop. The tableau of Ben sitting on Emily’s lap swinging his legs, while she holds open a book reading aloud to them both makes my chest tighten, then swell like a helium balloon. A warmth spreads over me and the worry of the last half hour melts like cotton candy in my mouth, and what is left is sweet and comforting.
“Hi,” I say. Not sure what else I want to say.
Emily looks up and the fatigue in her eyes tears at me, but she doesn’t begrudge me a smile. “Hey.”
“Everyone okay?”
“We sure are, Uncle Brad! Mommy gave me a lollipop. You want a lick?”
His sweetness does what it always does, steals another corner of my heart to reserve just for him.
“I’m good, buddy. Trying to watch my teeth.” I go over and gently stroke his forehead. “You had a bit of an adventure, didn’t you?”
“Yup. Everyone was really worried! But I was okay. I knew I’d get back to Mommy.”
“We sure were worried, buddy. But we’re glad you’re back now. The guys can’t wait to see you. Now, should we hear the rest of the book?”
“I already know the ending,” he beams.
“Oh, well don’t tell me!”
Emily opens the book and goes back to reading aloud, each word slow and clear, her finger following each word. I kneel down next to them and put my hand on her back. She stumbles over a word, but then continues. I run my hand up and down her spine, and I feel her skin turn from ice cold to warm under my touch.
She knows. She knows that I’m there for her. That I’ll always be there for her.
***
It’s late.
Ben and the rest of the band are in their beds. The day is fading from their minds and their bodies as they rest for what comes tomorrow.
I gently knock on Emily’s door, and she opens it without asking.
Her hair is wet from the shower, and she’s wearing the same nightie she wore the other night. It’s champagne-colored and silk so fine, I can see her silhouette through it.
“Put on a jacket,” I whisper.
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
When she’s done what I asked, I take her hand and she follows me out of the bus.
A black Mercedes waits and she doesn’t speak when I help her into the car and close the door behind her. I slide into the driver’s seat and lean over to kiss her. It’s a soft, gentle kiss. But it says everything she needs to know.
I’m hers.
“You ready?”
“Where are we going?”
“Somewhere special.”
The drive is about an hour and we don’t say a word. She sits, staring outward, her right hand in her lap, her left hand entwined with mine, resting against her thigh.
I can feel her skin through the thin fabric. And in the silence, I remember the last time I ran my finger along the length of that leg, fingertips dipping in the curve, digging into its suppleness.
Most of the drive is watching the car’s headlights illuminate a track barely a few feet ahead. We watch the road turn from city asphalt to country road. There are small mounds of melted snow along the sides, but mostly it is just dark.
She doesn’t ask me again where we are going, and I don’t tell her.