Emily
The tears fall hot and fast.
I don’t even bother to wipe them away as I try to put as much distance between me and the tent where I’ve just left Brad.
You’re the fuck up. I play it over in my head, over and over.
It hurts.
But he’s right.
I did fuck up.
I fucked up back then, and I’m fucking up now.
“Hey babe.” Cadence waves to me as she wanders over from the group of people she’s chatting with.
I cover my face, not wanting her to see me like this.
“Whoa. Wait up, hey, what’s wrong?” She grabs me by the arm and forces me to face her. She’s oddly strong for a woman.
“It’s…ahhhhh.” I brush my hands over my face, wiping off the last stream of tears. “It’s …I’m okay.”
She pinches my ear and growls, “Bitch, you better tell me what’s up or I’m gonna wrestle every last word out of you!”
Her sudden change in voice and tone surprises me so much I burst out laughing.
“What the hell was that?”
“I was being forceful!”
“It worked.”
She grins and pauses, then her face turns serious. “Come on, out with it.”
“Brad.”
“Hmm.”
“‘Hmm’ what?”
“Nothing.”
“Brad is…ahhh, I fucked up!”
“Honey, I don’t know what you did, but I guarantee you, it won’t be the last time you fuck up, so you better get used to dealing with it now.”
“Um, comforting.”
“Thanks. I’m a teacher.”
“Do you have any kids left by the end of the year?”
“Only the ones who didn’t chew through their restraints.”
“Who are you?”
She laughs and slings her arm around my shoulder. “I’m you, babe. I’ve fucked up too, trust me. So I’m going to get you outta this mess.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Look, I don’t know what you did, but I’m going to give you a little insight. Seb says that when they went on tour eight years ago and you didn’t come to say goodbye to Brad, it broke his heart. Like into a million pieces, montage of walking in the rain, watching happy couples at the park broke. And he didn’t really recover for years. That is, if he ever really did recover, or maybe he just got really good at pretending he could live without you. Now you’re back and you’ve turned his whole world upside down. And to boot you brought a little sidekick along to steal his heart as well. Then the one person, this Silas, who he thought was the reason it all went to shit eight years ago really has been a part of the storyline all along. He’s confused, babe. And well, he’s a man. He doesn’t really know how to wade out of that without a little help. That’s where you come in.”
“Where you come in, apparently.”
“You’re welcome.”
“It’s…it’s not what he thinks. The Silas thing.”
“Don’t tell me, tell him.”
“He won’t listen.”
“Make him.”
“I love him.”
“Don’t tell me, tell him. But for what it’s worth, I believe you.”
“Does he?”
“Again-make him.”
“Thanks, bitch.”
“Wha? I was being nice!”
“I owed ya one.”
She gives me a hug to end all hugs and I run over to the stage where I last saw the band going through their soundcheck.
“Brad?” I call out and see Sebastian poke his head out from behind the stage.
“Hey.”
“Hey, have you seen Brad?”
“He went looking for you. He’s probably by our tent.”
“Thanks, Sebastian.”
“Go get our boy, Emily.”
His words surprise me, but they spur me on nonetheless.
I practice what I’m going to say in my head. What he needs to hear…what I’m going to make him hear.
“Emily.” A body steps out of the tent to block me. It’s the last person I want to see.
“Silas.”
“Can we talk?”
“There’s really nothing to say. And I have to go see someone.”
“In a minute. I really want to talk.
“If it’s about Ben, you’ve said everything you’ve wanted to say about that. And I’ve accommodated you. You come and go as you please, which luckily for us, isn’t that often. But so far it doesn’t seem to hurt Ben. When it does, things will change.”
“It’s…it’s not about Ben. It’s about us. Well, about you.”
“What about me?”
“I’ve been reading what you write about the Rock Chamber Boys. And I heard about the editorial piece you’re going to write about them.”
“So?”
“It was really good. I didn’t know you could write like that.”
“Maybe you would have if you’d bothered to read anything I’d written.”
“That’s not fair. You didn’t want me to.”
“Of course I did! Ugh, why are we talking about this? This is old news, Silas.”
“I want…I want you to do a write-up for me. For my band. The String Slingers.”
“What, why?”
“Because I really think you’re going to be huge, and I want people to read about us through you. Be our big break, Emily.”
“No.”
“Why the hell not? Are we not good enough for you? You only want to write about pretty boy Grammy winners?” There’s a sneer in his voice that’s ugly.
It’s not the place to have this conversation, but I’ve had enough of hiding. I take a breath and tell him the truth. “Because I don’t want to, Silas. Because I don’t want to work with you, I don’t want to be near you, I don’t want to have anything to do with you. You’re my son’s father. Fine. I can’t change that. But that’s it. No.”
His eyes grow dark, and it’s a look I’ve seen before. And I’m scared, because I know what’s coming. He reaches out and runs a finger down my cheek and it makes me shiver.
“Come on. We’re older now. We can make this work. You. Me. Ben. Isn’t it what you’ve always wanted?” He takes my hand and pulls it to press against his chest, and it’s all I can do not to wrench it away. “Aren’t I what you always wanted? Don’t tell me that Brad is making you happy. He never could and he never will.” His words, spoken calm and low, drip with vitriol.
I push on his arm, willing him to let go of me without making a scene.
“Don’t you ever touch me again,” I whisper low but firm in his face.