“Shut up, and let’s get those instruments tested,” Dennis commands
And for once, we listen.
***
“Hey, what’s going on with you and Emily?” Seb asks me as we finish soundcheck, pulling our headsets off and leaving them on stage for the crew to take care of.
“What…why? Why would something be going on?”
“Other than your ‘sleepover’ the other night, and whatever it was that made you both late the other day after the show, it’s like the last day or so you’ve barely been in the same place at the same time. Made me wonder which one of you is Clark Kent and which is Superman.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Nah, man, it’s something. Talk to me. I’ll half listen, I promise.”
We walk over to a quiet bench on the side of the stage. The field is filling up. It’s about two hours to the start time and about twenty thousand people are already there.
I’m excited about the Rock Chamber Boys headlining this year. Dennis worked hard to get us the gig, and we won’t let him down.
But right now, I’d be lying if I said the show was the first and foremost thing on my mind. And my friend and bandmate for twelve years knows this almost as well as I do.
“Come on, Brad. If something’s wrong we need to sort it out before tonight. You can’t have this weighing on your mind.”
“Ugh. Stop being all…ever since Cadence you’ve gotten all touchy-feely.”
“Hey, just feely. The touchy is reserved for Cadey.”
“Ew.”
He grins and I know if there’s anyone I can talk to about this, it’s him.
“It’s Emily.”
“You don’t say!”
“Shut up, do you want me to be feely or not?”
“Sorry. Go on…what’s going on between you two?”
“That’s just it, I don’t fucking know! You know ever since we met up again, all I can think about is her. She consumes me. She consumes my thoughts. I can’t play without dedicating every song to her, I can’t speak without wondering where she is at every moment… what’s she’s doing…who she’s with…how she’s feeling?”
“And how is she feeling? I mean…I thought after the other night, you guys would be like two peas in a steamy, sex saturated pod. Then boom! You’re like two north polar magnets repelling each other.”
“Silas.”
“Ah.”
“What ah?”
“Just ah… you still on that? Is this Silas shit from now or eight years ago?”
“He’s Ben’s dad.”
“So? Is he your dad?”
“No.”
“Then so what?”
I blink at him. Is he serious? So what?
“He’s Ben’s dad, that’s ‘so what.'”
“Dude. You seriously need to sort out what’s important and what’s not. You yourself have a stepfather who you love. Does who your biological dad is interfere with that in any way?”
“Make your point.”
“You’re an idiot, is my point. What does Emily have to say about all this?”
“Um…”
“You haven’t spoken to her about it?”
“Well, I have. Kinda.”
“And what happened.?”
“I called her a fuck-up.”
“Duuuuude.”
“Fuck, I know. I KNOW!”
“Go find her. Fix it. Or at least try to see if it can be fixed.”
“Thanks man.”
“No problem. And hey…how was it?”
“How was what?”
“You know…” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and I can’t help but laugh. He’s still my Sebastian.
“You pig!”
“It was good, wasn’t it? It’s .. different when it’s someone you love.”
“Dude. I’m gonna go now. And you…you go look for your testicles. They seem to have detached.”
I leave just a little too slow as I’m greeted by the sight of Sebastian proving that they indeed have not detached.
“Butter? Emily!” I call for her as I return to the tent.
Ben runs over to me and I kneel, catching him in my arms, twirling him around until he screams, begging me to stop. His laughter fills the dark empty spot in my mood, and I wonder how I’m going to deal once he and his mother aren’t with us 24/7 anymore.
“Hey Benny Boy, are you having a good day?”
“Yes, Uncle Brad.” He smiles at me and holds my face in between his palms.
“What about you? Are you having a good day?” Despite his childish laughter, there’s something somber in his look.
“Of course, it’s a good day for the band. We’re really looking forward to playing.” I look around the tent and see only Carrie and two of our techs sleeping in the corner. “Where’s your mother?” I ask him, taking his hand and leading him back over to his little table set up with his toys. I give Carrie a smile, which she returns, before focusing her attention back on her iPhone.
“I don’t know. She said she had to go interview someone. Uncle Brad?” He looks up at me as he sits down on his chair.
“Yeah, buddy?”
“Do you know what’s wrong with Mommy?” His face falls and he looks serious.
“What do you mean?”
“She hasn’t been very happy the last few days. And last night I think I heard her crying. I was scared so I went in and gave her a hug.”
My heart squeezes for them both. For her obvious pain, and her little boy’s concern for his mother, his world.
“Oh, um, well firstly, you’re such a good boy, taking care of your Mommy like that. And well, secondly, I’m sure it’s nothing. Grown-ups get tired and sad sometimes too, but usually with a good night’s sleep everything is better.”
“I hope so. I don’t like Mommy sad,” he says, with a slight quivering of his bottom lip.
“I don’t either, buddy, I don’t either. Why don’t I go look for her and bring her back, and let’s see if we can’t make her smile again, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks Uncle Brad, you’re the best. You’re…You’re even cooler than a firefighter.” He pokes me gently in the chest to emphasis his point.
And I pull him into my arms and squeeze him tight. Just as my heart bursts with love for this little precious creature.
I run out of the tent and turn into the side alley.
And into them.
Emily and Silas.
His hand on her cheek and hers on his arm.
Together.