“I’m serious. Come on tour with us.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? You want to clear it with the guys? They’ll be just as rapt as I am. Didn’t you hear the crowd tonight?”
“No. It’s just, I can’t. It’s not my life. It’s yours.”
“Let’s make it ours.” He insists gently.
I smile at him. I don’t want to talk about this now, think about this now. I just want to enjoy it.
I get back on my feet and drag him up. “Come on, we can talk about this later. Right now, I think you should buy your runaway success guest artist a drink!”
I watch as he straightens his clothes, his eyes still on me. The truth is, every part of me wants to say yes. Every part but my brain. My brain that knows that it’s just not meant to be.
“OK, temptress, drinks are on me!” he opens the door and steps out, holding it open for me.
Just as I follow him out, I swear I hear a voice coming from deep in the room, maybe the bathroom. I turn back into the room, this time there’s a distinct, ‘Shhhhh’.
I step towards the noise to go check it out, just as Sebastian grabs my hand and drags me away, “Come on, slowpoke! Drinks are only free for another ten minutes!”
I turn back to see if anyone’s following us.
There isn’t.
But I know there was someone there.
And I swear it was a female voice.
“Get up, guys, get up.” A male voice is calling us. And it’s suddenly bright.
I grab the sheet and pull it over my head. I can hear Sebastian growling his own disgust at being woken so early after the night we had.
“Cadence. Sebastian. Guys, wake up, we need to talk to you.” I think it’s Jez, but I know there’s more than one person in the room.
“Later.” Sebastian growls.
“No. Now.” Dennis’ voice speaks up. That seems to get Sebastian’s attention. He sighs and sits up.
I hear the crinkle of newspaper and then silence.
Sebastian mumbles something and I hear everyone leave.
“Yay, back to sleep,” I gurgle happily and tuck the sheet back under my chin.
“Cadence. You need to get up.” Sebastian says, and his voice is firm. Enough for it to penetrate my sleepy haze.
I turn around and he’s sitting up, looking at the newspaper in his hand.
“What’s going on? I was looking forward to a sleep-in. It’s the right of a teacher during school holiday time.” I grumble, rubbing my eyes, waiting for them to focus.
“I know, baby, I know. But um, something’s happened.”
“What?”
“Look. Um. We’ll take it care of it, but it looks like…” He voice peters off, and I notice he’s still gripping the newspaper in his hand.
“Give me the newspaper, Sebastian.”
“Wait. Let me…” He starts and then fades out again. It must be bad if he can’t even tell me.
“Just give it to me.”
He sighs and hands it me.
There, on the front page of the paper is a half-page picture of me. Of me having sex with Sebastian.
And the words, “Rockstar’s Sex-Crazed New Wife- Ex Porn Star?”
My eyes drift to the row of pictures below the main one, and my blood freezes in my veins.
“Oh my God.” It’s a collage of the pictures from the sex video leaked of me seven years ago.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” I can’t believe what I’m seeing. After all this time, back on the front page of the newspaper. “Oh my god, Sebastian!!!”
Sebastian rips the paper away from me and throws it over the side of the bed. He turns back and all I can do is stare at him. My mind is completely frozen. I can’t even comprehend what has just happened.
“Cadence,” Sebastian starts, reaching out to touch me.
I can’t help but pull away, jumping out of the bed.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.”
Sebastian comes up and wraps his arms around me, trying to hold me, stop me from pacing.
“It’s OK, we’re going to take care of it, it’s going to be OK.”
But it’s not.
Because I’ve been here before.
I know how bad it was.
I know how bad it’s going to get.
It’s not something I can ever get through again.
And then the dam breaks, and I feel my eyes fill with tears, tears that fall and never, ever stop.
I feel his arms around me, but they do nothing.
I hear his words calming me, but they do nothing.
I feel his promises that everything is going to be all right, but they do nothing.
Because nothing can turn back time.
SEBASTIAN
Her sobs are the most horrifying sounds I’ve ever heard.
Because they remind me of my helplessness and her hopelessness.
They tell me that I can do nothing.
They tell me that this pain that she’s feeling, is hers and hers alone, and I can want to carry it for her as much as I want, but not until she’s ready, is it going to go away.
It’s been three hours since the guys brought the newspaper in, and she’s barely stopped crying for a moment. Sometimes, her sobs will fade to a whimper, and I think she’s fallen asleep, but then the cycle starts again.
I haven’t even had a chance to think about how this has happened, and who’s responsible for it.
At this moment, I’m still just trying to figure out how to get Cadence through it minute by minute.
She hasn’t moved from this ball that she curled into when she finally let me lay her back down onto the bed.
And she hasn’t said another word since she first saw the pictures.
These pictures of a most private and intimate moment between a man and woman.
Between her and me. And between her and him.
The pain and humiliation of seven years ago is now dragged to the present. I can’t even imagine what is going through her head right now.