BRANDON’S POV
Natalie’s fingers tangled in my hair as she pulled me closer, her lips moving against mine with a fervor that equaled mine. I could feel the uncertainty on her tongue, her heartbeat fast against my chest, but there was something else there, something deeper, something that felt a lot like the emotions I was trying so hard to deny.
I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want the spell cast between us to shatter. It was finally too much, and with a sigh, reluctantly, I pulled back to lay my forehead against hers as we both worked for breath. Her lips were swollen from kissing and I had to admit that she looked sexier.
We both just stood there in silence for a moment. The sound was that of ragged breathing, the only feeling that our hearts thundered to a matching rhythm. Lying there with my eyes closed, I was half-afraid that if I opened them, one blink and this moment would shatter, sending us hurting with a rude crash, back into that gosh-awful reality we had been living.
Her hands slid from my hair down to my shoulders as she pushed me backjust a bit, just so there was a bit of space between us. I opened my eyes then and found her staring right at me; shock and confusion mixed into their expression, then something else that couldn’t be placed.
“Brandon…” she began, her voice trembling. “I don’t… I don’t understand. Why now? Why are you telling me this now, after everything that’s happened? This wasn’t part of our deal.”
I could feel her skeptical gaze then, the battle of wits between the man she thought she knew and the man who now stood before her. And I couldn’t blame her. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I understood it myself.
“Natalie,” I stuttered, fighting to word it correctly. “I hadn’t planned this. I didn’t expect to fall for you this hard. I tried to stop it but it didn’t work. But it’s like… the more time we are together, the harder it gets for me just to turn a blind eye to it. I know this wasn’t what either of us had signed up for, but I can’t help it. I care for you more than I have ever cared about anybody.”
Her eyes burned into mine, searching for truth in my words. My heart was full of prayers as I held hers, praying there in my eyes she should find honesty in everything that poured out. She must feel it wasn’t some whirlwind infatuation; this was real-scary.
She was silent a moment, then released a shaky breath and stepped back a pace, her arms circling loosely around her as if in preparation for the moment.
“I don’t know what to say,” she confessed, her voice so low. “It’s all so… confusing. We started this marriage off as some sort of business deal. And now… now you’re going to stand in front of me and tell me that you have feelings for me? How am I supposed to handle that, Brandon?”
Her words cut straight through me, stirring all that pain about how bad this kind of complicated situation we had been putting ourselves into over and over again. All in all, she was right-that’s not what we signed up for. The thing is, by that time I didn’t really care anymore. Not so much about it being all business, tired of hiding behind those walls that shielded me.
“I know it’s confusing,” I said softly, taking a step a bit closer toward her. “But I just can’t keep up the pretenses anymore. I care for you, Natalie. And I think… well, I think you do, too, even if you’re not ready to admit that.”
My words seemed to dilate her eyes, and for one fleeting second-I saw something there. Something that sounded a great deal like an alarm. She opened her mouth to say something, but before she did, I had reached out and lightly taken her hand in mine.
“Natalie, please,” I whispered back, low and clogged with emotions that had finally been released after they’d been damned for too long. “Don’t shut me out. This is gonna be complicated, but we can figure it out, together.”
Her gaze fell to our clasped hands, her expression torn. For one blindingly white moment, I felt certain she would draw back, turn away, and tell me it was too much, that she just couldn’t do it. Then bit by tender bit, her grip tightened around my hand, and she turned into me once more with those lovely, ripped-apart eyes.
“Brandon,” she started off, her voice shaking, “I… I don’t know what I feel. All this hits me at once. I just want some time to find out what is happening. I want to think.”
And there, her eyes met mine-the frustration of her mind struggling to comprehend everything written across her face. Yet, no matter how much I wanted to shake her into understanding that this was real and we were worth fighting for, I couldn’t do it. She needed time, and it was what I had to give her.
“Okay,” I said softly, squeezing her hand to calm her a bit. “Take your time. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Relief washed across her expression as she nodded and stepped back, letting go of my hand. “Thank you,” she whispered again, with such gratitude.
It was there in front of us, heavy with all it held. I wanted to extend my arms toward her, hold her close, and tell her it’s going to be okay; we’re going to get through it. Deep down, I knew that was just about the last thing she needed then.
I stepped back and gave her a small, understanding smile. “I’ll leave you to your thoughts,” I said, low and even. “But if you need anything, if you want to talk… I’m here.”
She nodded once more, her gaze softening on me. “I appreciate that, Brandon. I really do.”
And with that, I turned toward the door; my heart felt heavy, laced with a mix of hope and uncertainty. Though I could not have envisioned what kind of future lay in store for us or whether Natalie ever would be able to move beyond the hurt and confusion brought on by all that had gone on, there was one thing I was sure of, I wasn’t going to give up on her, on us. Not now, not ever.
The last time, I turned once at the door. There she stood at her standing position, watching me with her eyes torn with conflicts of thoughts, and for one evanescent moment, our eyes met and passed silent understanding.
And then, after no more words were said, I turned and out of her office, I walked, leaving her to her thoughts, all alone.
I left the restaurant, heading back toward my car, and couldn’t shake the queasy feeling that had settled into my chest. I said it all, laying my heart on the line, and even now, with everything spoken, I had no clue what lay ahead.
But when I slid into my car and cranked the engine, one thing was clear: Arlys or whoever wasn’t about to stand between us. I was ready to fight for this marriage, to fight for Natalie, since, for the first time in a very, very long time, I had something worth fighting for.