BACK AT THE APARTMENT
He changed the rules, he had changed his agreement… The picture of Laura and Chris making love filled her mind and even if she was hardly wrong about these things this particular one though probing her heart felt out of the blues and she felt worried .
She looked at the time again, already he had sent a message to him asking where he was-
A message notification beeped in and she stared at her message, she could see that it was definitely from him but still with that feeling of frustration that was grieving her soul at that minute she kissed her teeth.
Chrus : Would be coming home a bit late you don’t have to stay up
She thought about it for a moment, if the man had been with Laura it would have been easy for him to tell immediately, she knew this was far from what she wanted still she couldn’t get herself to come up with the fact that he could be with another woman, what if she was wrong .
All these thoughts filled up her mind as she thought of what to do about the entire situation again, she was more confused about it, sensing that need to get this over with, her soul was filled with so much anger.
She knew she had to put whatever she was feeling on the leash, she had to prevent an outburst and that was exactly what she going to do-
Since he would indefinitely be waiting. For a reply, she texted him back
Tonia: You are still refusing to tell me what all this about, fine I’d not stay up.
There was a bit of hesitation on his part, was he pondering over what she had just said …
It was more difficult for her to understand him at that moment, the crazier it felt at the back of her mind.
Three dots popped up and she sighed…Her heart beat softly as she was more unaware by that burning need in her Soul to be with him.
Since he was typing she awaited his reply, she drew the blinds aside and stared out at the cold night, reminiscing on the good old times before everything started falling apart.
Who would she most definitely blame?
A name rang out in her mind and it had to be no one else than her, she hated the fact that she was dealing with Laura and had to go out with her.
Outside the night at the side where she looked it suddenly felt very dark enough that she was convinced that it was going to rain, it was dark enough that she couldn’t make out anything.
Her phone buzzed-she finally checked her phone after putting it off for so long, she was certain that the call or whatever most definitely had to be from him .
As it turned out she was wrong, she had one missed call from her friend and the other , one new text from Chris.
Chris: You sound a bit off are you alright.
She dropped the phone and pulled away from the window, she felt angered reading that text age dropped the cup she had been with
If anything was obvious that night, it was the fact that she e won’t be getting any sleep that night, she was far more worried to do that as there were chances that it would be a futile effort.
It’s stupid, really, how her heart swells at the message, more stupid the fact that message could make her feel bliss and at the same time make her angry.
At least he cares about her!
It was crazy to think, yet not far off from the truth, everything she felt every ringing emotion at the back of her head was short-lived as she reminded herself of what she thought had transpired.
None of this is fair, she thought to herself.
To think that He’s the first person who won’t judge her the way others, had he had been with her in those time that had matters enough that it was hard getting her mind away from him, for whatever reason for this, she couldn’t find it ha to bit of animosity that she needed for all of this all the feelings were driving her crazy and the only thing she could think about was just one.
All she could think about was the good time that they shared, for these same Damned reasons she didn’t know how to react to him, she wouldn’t judge him for her sick need for anything.
As a matter of fact she thought of him mistakenly. It would be if at the end of the day she was wrong about the daydreams of whatever this was at the back of her head .
The one person who could truly understand her had turned out to be crazier, she sniffed … The fact that she couldn’t speak to his parents as well complicated things.
So, she allowed herself to cry, she needed it, there was a need to feel the sorry that was creeping through her soul at that minute, the more she felt it, the more she felt that sense of irritation.
She didn’t stop, she walked to her bag and poured out the contents.
She found what she was looking for, a pill if it was the last in it case, hoping that the drugs will do their job she swallows.
***
Fuck those pills, she was still wild awake with all the synapses firing deepmin her brain.
Or could bir be the rain?
It was starting to rain heavily now and she couldn’t get her mind away from the fact that it had possibly lead to all the madness that she was feeling at this moment-
Even under the blankets, the chilly still filled up her lungs, she laid there curls into a ball, shivering.
She groans, opening her eyes.
He still wasn’t back , she was filled with regrets and checked her phone again…nothing.
Sitting up in bed, she could feel the presence of the air weighing heavily, she wraps herself back in the blankets, listening as the l wind howls, and she presses her hoping she found sleep.
Even under the duvet her teeth chatter with
goosebumps rising on every inch of her body.
How ironic, she thinks- The fact he was possibly finding warmth with another woman and age was here stung with cold.
Tonia could feel all of it at once and didn’t know the best way to get rid of her thoughts at least this time Laura had stayed behind, for some reason after that last time she had Walked into the room and found it heavy with his scent it had been difficult for her to control that thought that he had been there.
Common Tonia comes off it!
She tells herself again and again but doesn’t seem to understand how impactful all of this could be if it turned out to be true.
Anxiety, panic flooded her mind mingling with the sweat that ran down her brows, she could feel everything trickling down her soul –
Her mind blank didn’t know how to accept the brute fact that he might be cheating as she ran her mind through the event that had happened the previous night.
All that was left behind was a numbness and nothing else, she had no thought …. Nothing more than the blank space that was at the back of her mind that could feel more than anything else, the fact of her being alone made it harder leaving behind a totally different feeling that nothing else could penetrate.
She swallowed every bit of womanly ego she had as she opened the door later to find Laura.
Walking through the hallway , she stopped at her door as she did, she took a deep breath in to wave away every fucking thought that was filling up her soul that moment.
It was so late Laura was shocked to see her as well.
She could tell that the woman was furious as well but let her in.
“Are you fine?”Laura asked.
“, I just want to ask you a question and I need the truth.”Antonia muttered.
“Go ahead, ask.”
“Are you fucking Christian?”She asked.
A thunder clasps.