If I’m going to fake my death, then this will be the last time my family sees me alive. Maybe they should live with this guilt, this last bitter taste.
And I would-I would, if it wasn’t for Cassie.
I don’t want to get her into trouble.
The job I have at the drag queen bar is definitely over now, thanks to my three-day absence. There’s no money I can give my sister, not for a while.
Distantly, the thought of Imai’s contract comes to mind. His offer.
But as I duck beneath the hedges, creeping through the black fence with a passcode they still haven’t changed, I think of that text. NOT NOW.
Cassie never refuses to see me.
There has to be something wrong, but as I crouch beneath her window, I hear the faint and familiar chime of music : They’re so pretty it hurts, I’m not talking about boys, I’m talking about-
I dig my fingers into the vines and climb.
Cassie ? I whisper. Her window is open just a fraction. I tap lightly on the window. Cassie ? It’s me.
Through the darkened glass, I see her dancing in front of the mirror.
They’re so pretty with their button-up shirts. And, they’re so pretty it hurts.
She’s singing badly-off-key, with her voice pitched low, like she doesn’t want to be heard.
Cassie ? I whisper again.
She turns around-startled. Kaya ? What are you doing here ?
I’m . . . I told you I was outside.
What ? No you didn’t.
I just texted you ! I say, holding up my phone.
Her eyes dart back to the door, like she’s worried someone will hear. Come in, she says. You haven’t talked to me in so long . . . I was worried.
You haven’t talked to me in so long . . .
That can’t be right. I texted her just the other day. I LOVE YOU.
It hits me then, so suddenly I can’t breathe.
Where’s your phone ? I whisper.
Cassie’s eyes widen-green, so much like mine. And then I realize that her hair is no longer fiery-red, like mine, but-pink.
Gavin took away my phone last week, she says.
You changed your hair.
Cassie becomes flushed, looking down. She pulls open the window, letting me climb through, and she says, I . . . wanted a different look.
Her hair is still wet.
The room smells strongly-like bleach and dye.
You just did this, I accuse.
If there is one thing I know about Cassie, it is that she loves her hair. There was a time in our childhood when she was blonde, and she envied the bright, reddish curls I have. Eventually, her hair grew into its natural form : a lovely, vibrant ginger.
I love the pink hair on her, I do. But it’s wrong, because I know she would have never done it if she hadn’t had a choice.
Gavin has your phone, I say suddenly. You mean, you didn’t get my messages ?
What messages ?
Shit, I mutter. Shit. Shit. Why’d he take it away this time ?
I left my dish in the sink, she says, glancing away.
Fucker, I whisper.
Listen, Kaya, you . . . you can’t be here.
The text message : NOT NOW.
Our stepfather must have sent that, but why ?
I inhale sharply. Does he know I’m here ?
No, there’s no way. Our code, TALK TO ME, sounds more like we want to call each other. Not that I’m right outside.
It makes sense, if he has her phone. Obviously he can’t pretend to be Cassie with his voice, but . . .
But why those words ? Why NOT NOW ?
There’s something off about it.
You have to go, says Cassie urgently. You can’t be here right now. I . . . She looks back at the door again. You need to leave.
Veah told me not to tell anyone.
Veah made me swear I wouldn’t tell my family.
Too dangerous. Too risky. But I can’t let Cassie think I’m dead.
Kaya, promise me.
Promise me you won’t let anyone know.
It could ruin everything.
Promise me. Not even your sister.
I had whispered, I promise.
I’m going to fake my death, I blurt out in a whisper.
Cassie blanches. Kaya, that-that’s not a funny joke-
How do I explain the whirlwind of the last few days ? How do I even begin to talk about the contract and the Yakuza and the Mafia boss waiting for me right outside ?
I don’t.
I only say, I’m going to leave the country for a little bit. You’ll probably get news that I’m dead, but it won’t be true. I’ll be back someday, just know . . . just know I’m not gone, okay ? I’ll come back for you. I swear it on Rusty.
Rusty-our dead goldfish.
You swear it on Rusty ? There are tears in Cassie’s eyes. Kaya, is it dangerous ? Did you get involved with . . . with bad stuff ?
My sweet, beautiful sixteen year old sister.
She’s going to be a doctor one day. She’s going to save lives.
Don’t worry about me, I say, managing to sound confident. I’ll be alright. You just focus on work and stuff, okay ?