It wasn’t the first time her mind had entertained the thought. She’d been tiptoeing around the idea for days, not willing to let it take root. Because she knew that there was a very real possibility she would end up hurting and alone if it backfired.
She was just getting ready to venture downstairs to find Cedric when there was a knock at her door. It was probably Juliet, coming to get her lunch tray.
She swung the door open, but it was Cedric standing in the hallway.
She could play this two ways. She could act indignant and try to make him feel badly for the way he had treated her, which would probably only make things more uncomfortable between them, or she could accept things for what they were, and make the best of the time they had together.
She smiled. “Hi.”
“Hi.” For a minute he just looked at her, probably trying to decide if she was mad at him. Then he asked, “Are you feeling better?”
She turned up the wattage on her smile. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t stay mad at him. He didn’t mean to hurt her. He cared about her. She knew he did. She couldn’t ask for more than he was able to give. More than he was capable of, especially after everything she’d said to him. “Much better, thanks.”
He just stood there, hands in his pants pockets, and she realized he was waiting to be invited in. “Would you like to come in?” She opened the door wider and he stepped past her into the room. The second she shut the door his arms were around her. He pulled her to him and just held her.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
She sighed and pressed her cheek against his chest, breathed in the spicy scent of his cologne. He smelled warm and familiar.
“Me, too.”
He held her tighter. “I missed you.”
She felt like laughing and crying all at once. “I missed you, too.”
“Should we talk about it?”
That was the one thing that she didn’t want to talk about, or even worse analyze to death. She just wanted to forget it had ever happened. “I understand the way things are. I just…. I guess I was just over thinking things.”
He nodded. “Me, too.”
“So if it happens again we’ll be prepared.”
“Exactly,” he agreed. Then he smiled down at her and she could tell everything was going to be okay. They were past the awkwardness. Then the baby kicked. Just like the other night. Plenty hard for Cedric to feel it, too. She held her breath, waiting for him to back away.
He didn’t.
“I guess we better get used to that now?” he asked instead.
“Yes.” She agreed.
He swore under his breath. “And I ruined the moment that night, didn’t I?”
“It’s not your fault.”
He cupped her chin with his palm and lifted her face so he could meet her eyes. “Why do you put up with me?”
Because I love you, she was tempted to say. Instead she shrugged. “Beats me.”
“Me, too.” He studied her face, as if the answer was there somewhere. Then his eyes wandered down to her mouth and she knew exactly what he was thinking. He wanted to kiss her. And she wanted him to.
“You look tired,” he said.
“I do?” She didn’t feel tired. She’d practically slept all day yesterday. “I’m fine, really.”
“No, really, you look exhausted.” He flashed her that sizzling, seductive grin then leaned back and locked the door to her room. “I think you need to take a nap.”
Oh-a nap. She could tell by his smile, this nap wouldn’t involve sleep.
“Come to think of it, I am a little drowsy. Maybe a quick nap wouldn’t be a bad idea.”
“I think a long nap would be better.” He started walking backward toward the bed, pulling her along with him. “I’ll tuck you in.”
He was already working the buttons on her blouse. The drapes were drawn and the room had a hazy, dim look, like stepping into the middle of a dream.
He eased her shirt down her arms and let it drop to the floor then unhooked her bra. Cedric seemed to draw out the vixen in her. She tugged his shirt up over his head and flung it behind her, then went to work on his belt. She didn’t think anything could top making love on a rug in front of the fire, but just being with Cedric, no matter where they were, felt special. It wasn’t easy to forget that they couldn’t be together. Instead, as they caressed and kissed, loved each other in that sweet, effortless way, she felt as if she were exactly where she belonged. Even if that was only for five minutes, or an hour. Maybe, in the long run, all these little pieces of perfection would add up to something bigger.
Something neither of them expected.
And if it didn’t, the time that they did have together would just have to be enough.
They tumbled into bed together and snuggled up under the comforter. Cedric stroked her skin, exploring every hill and crevice, his touch leisurely and sweet one minute, shockingly intimate the next. She loved the feeling of his hands exploring her, but she loved it even more when he used his mouth. He licked and nipped, here and there, as if she were his favorite snack and he didn’t want to devour her too quickly. Somehow he managed to make every stroke, every touch feel as thrilling and new as the first time.
“I love the way you taste,” he said, nibbling her throat, running his tongue lightly along the cleft between her breasts, making her whole body sizzle with desire. “What do you want, Anna?
Just tell me and I’ll do it.”
She didn’t have to tell him. He was always able to anticipate exactly what she craved, what she needed, but there was something erotic and forbidden about saying the words out loud. And she wouldn’t dare deny him the pleasure of hearing them, not when he went far and above the call of duty to make her feel good. Gave her at least two orgasms to his one. Sometimes more.
So she told him, in very blatant, explicit language, exactly what she wanted, and how she wanted it.
“Damn,” he said, shaking his head, but she could tell he loved it. “I’d love to, but are you sure I won’t hurt you?”