He was giving her that drowsy-eyed, hungry look again that made her feel warm and tingly all over. Looks like they were going to work on getting sick of each other right now.
She pulled him down for a kiss and their bodies settled together. Even with her tummy in the way, they were a perfect fit.
Though she knew that soon enough she would be even bigger, lying this close in this position would be impossible. They would just have to find more imaginative ways to get close. It was at that exact second that it happened. She felt a jolt dead center in her stomach.
The baby was kicking again.
She gasped and looked up at Cedric. “Did you feel that?”
He’d felt it. She knew the instant she saw his face. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting, but for some reason he looked like he might be sick. And suddenly, she felt exactly the same way.
It sucked every bit of joy out of the moment. Her arms dropped from around his neck and he rolled away, sitting up on the rug, his back to her. All she could do was curl into a ball and close her eyes against the bitter and acute pain in her heart.
“I’m sorry,” Cedric said. “I didn’t mean to react like that,”
She shivered. She suddenly felt so cold, all the way through her skin and deep down to the bone. Cold and vulnerable and rubbed raw. She grabbed her robe from where it had dropped on the floor and covered herself with it. It was hot from the fire, but even that didn’t chase away the chill. She felt as if she might never be warm again.
“I should go,” Cedric said.
She couldn’t answer, not without him hearing how completely torn up she felt inside. He sat there for several seconds, then he got up, pulled on his pajamas and left. She waited for the tears to come, for the grief to swallow her up, but she just felt numb. Cold and hollow and alone.
__________
Cedric stared out his office window, into the cold, rainy gloom, thinking that it was a perfect complement to his lousy mood.
He felt like such a jerk. He shouldn’t have left Anna alone, but there was no way he could sit there and pretend everything was okay, pretend that he was okay with her leaving him after the baby was born. He couldn’t do it anymore. Not after the amazing moment they’d just shared.
It hadn’t really hit him until then, that in a matter of two months, their child would be here, and she’d leave him. It was so damned unfair. His heart ached. He wanted to accept her decision, but he just couldn’t because he loved her. He’d tried. God knows he’d tried to let her go but he couldn’t. He wanted her to stay… To be his wife… He wanted them to raise their child together as husband and wife, but he was scared that she’d reject him again.
He didn’t even have the guts to go talk to her. He had no idea what to say-how to explain. That feeble I’m sorry he’d left her with last night just wasn’t going to cut it.
His office door opened and he turned to find Anna’s lady in waiting, Juliet, standing there. When Anna hadn’t eaten breakfast and didn’t show up for lunch or dinner, he’d finally sent Juliet up to check on her.
“Is she awake?” He asked.
“She’s still in bed. She said she’s not feeling well, but that you shouldn’t worry.”
Like him, she probably hadn’t slept last night. He’d tossed and turned, finally giving up and rolling out of bed with the sun. He turned back to the window. “Thank you.”
“She looked as if she’d been crying,” Juliet said, and Cedric winced. He’d assumed she would be, but to know for sure, and to know it was his fault, was a million times more horrible.
“Is there anything you’d like me to do?”
He shook his head, “No, Juliet. Thank you,” he replied, and turned back to the window. He wasn’t making a mistake, he told himself over and over again. He was avoiding one. He didn’t think it was possible, but he felt even worse than he had before.
His phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket, sighing when he saw the caller. His Aunt Diana. She wanted to come visit and she wanted to spend some time with Anna and help when the baby arrived. How was he going to explain to her that their marriage was over? That he’d ruined everything before it even began. That he’d disappointed her. That he was no better than his father. She was going to be so mad him, and he deserved it.
Sighing again, he disconnected the call and put the phone back in his pocket.
_____________
Anna gave herself a full day to wallow in self-pity. All Saturday she stayed in bed. And she knew she must have looked pretty terrible, judging by the look on Julie’s face. She’d come up to check on Anna and offered to bring her tea and toast to settle her stomach, when what Anna really needed was a gigantic bandage to slap over her chest. To seal the wound where Cedric had reached in and ripped out her heart.
But by Sunday afternoon the self-indulgence was getting old and most likely induced by hormones more than anything else. The only thing she could do was get over it. She couldn’t hide away any longer, and she had to stop feeling sorry for herself. If she’d shut down every time something bad had happened to her, she would have stopped living a long time ago.
Maybe the real problem here was that she’d finally let herself admit something she’d been denying. She still loved Cedric. She’d fallen in love with him in France, and she always had. Maybe she’d told herself that she hated him because he’d hurt her, but the truth was that she never stopped, and that night in the den they had scratched the surface of something bigger. Something profound, and she couldn’t deny it anymore.
Maybe it was because in her heart and soul she knew he was a good person. When she told him she considered him a friend, that had been a lie. Or at the very least a major understatement. What she felt for him went far beyond friendship. Far beyond anything she had ever experienced. And soon it would end.
Unless she could do something about it.