Anna turned in his arms, curling her hands into fists, hitting him on his damp, bare chest, wanting to hurt him for what he’d done to her and to their child.
“I hate you,” she said thickly. “I hate you so much.”
He only caught her fists in his and gathered them together, bringing them to his mouth and kissing her knuckles. His eyes were very dark, almost black.
“I’m sorry, Anna,” he said in a low, rough voice. “I’m so very sorry for hurting you. And you have every right to be angry. Take it out on me. You can hurt me; I deserve it.”
His heat took all the strength from her. All she could do was look up into his face. “Why?” Her voice was hoarse and broken. “What are you doing here? What did you come back for? To hurt me some more?”
“I hoped my swimming would bring you to me.” He cupped her face between his palms. “Because I’ve come back to claim what is mine. You. You and our child.”
“I don’t understand. You didn’t want me. You told me-”
“I know.” His voice was very calm, very sure. “But you were right about me. And I was so very wrong.”
Anna swallowed, her heart slowing, catching. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I told myself that I had nothing to give you, that I didn’t love you. That I felt nothing at all. I’d convinced myself of it so completely that nothing could have changed my mind. And that’s where you were right. I clung to that belief because I was afraid.” There was a hot glow in his eyes, a deep remembered pain. “My father told me he had no love left to give. And I believed him. I had to believe him. Because if I didn’t, if there was still love inside him, then why hadn’t he given it to me?” His thumbs moved on her cheeks, stroking gently. “It was easier to tell myself that it was his fault, Vincent’s fault. My mother’s fault. To tell myself I felt nothing than to believe there was something wrong with me.”
His midnight eyes stared down into hers. “That’s why I’m here, Anna. Because my staff sent me that ultrasound picture of our child and all I could think about was what was I missing out on and what I really wanted. And you were right, my Anna. It’s you. It’s our child. It’s our family. That’s what I want. That’s what I always wanted. Please Anna, I don’t want to lose you,”
Anna looked at him and felt her heart break. The tears were falling harder now, and she made no effort to stop them. Nothing he said now could change the fact that he had hurt her so deeply. That he’d walked away from her at a time when she needed him the most, and she still hated him for it. How could she ever trust that he was telling her the truth now? Was he really sorry, or was this just part of his plan to get back at his father and get his inheritance.
The pain was so sharp and thick inside her that she could hardly draw a breath. He’d said he was sorry. That he wanted her back, and it was funny, because four months ago she would have given anything to hear those words from him. Now it was too late. Now he used those words too easily in an attempt to gloss over what he’d done. She didn’t trust him. She’d lost everything. In one fell swoop, it was all gone. Dreams. Hopes. A future with the man she loved. It was all dust.
“It doesn’t matter. I was never really yours to lose,” she whispered.
“I don’t accept that,” Cedric told her and in his eyes, she read a determination to fight. Well, it was too late for that.
“You have to accept it, Cedric,” she said, shaking her head and backing away from him. “I did. We made a mistake. I made a mistake. It was obvious right from the beginning that it wasn’t going to work out between us. We got married for the wrong reasons. Because we both wanted something and we were desperate. I want to start over…Without you. I don’t ever want to feel this way anymore.”
Her fury was gone. All that was left now was the pain. Stepping back from him was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do, but if she didn’t pull away now… If she let him back into her life and he hurt her again, she’d never be able to live with herself. “It’s over. All of it.”
“Anna, if you’ll just listen-”
“No.” She stepped away from him, never taking her eyes off him. “After the baby comes, we’ll get a proper divorce… Just like we always planned to,”
“I don’t give a damn about the divorce. I don’t want us to get it,” he snapped.
“I do.” she said as she turned away. She glanced back at him over her shoulder and knew she’d keep this picture of him in her mind always. Backlit by the sun glancing off the lake behind him, his hair still wet, his eyes in shadow and his jaw tight and hard. Everything in her wanted to run to him, throw her arms around him and pretend for one more day that what they’d shared was real. That she could trust. That, for once, she had someone who loved her. But if it wasn’t real, then none of it mattered.
Cedric stood rooted on the spot, then he moved. He couldn’t let her walk away from him for a second time. He was miserable and desperate and he was tired of feeling that way. He took a few strides and caught up to her, grabbing her arm gently, then he blocked her path. “Anna please. I can’t… I know that I don’t deserve you but -”
“You’re right,” she interrupted before he could finish, her eyes were still wet with tears, but he could see the anger in them, “You don’t deserve me, Cedric.”
His features tightened and his body flinched as if she’d struck him a physical blow. “Anna,” he said softly, “give us a chance. Give me a chance.”
“No more chances. I should have known this was how it would end,” she said sadly. “You’ve never made a commitment to anyone in your life. I get that now. And I know that’s why you would never commit to me.”