He did have her try on numerous wedding dresses before finally approving some white silk and tulle concoction, accented with gilt thread, that Anna told herself she didn’t care about. Yet at the same time, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she was conscious of a strange ache somewhere deep inside her.
She’d never thought a husband and children would be for her, and yet here she was, about to commit herself to both. That it wasn’t real, she knew. But that didn’t change the small ache inside her, the tug of longing for something…more.
But that was dangerous, so she ignored it.
In between wedding-dress fittings and investigating degree programmes at various universities, she found herself casually looking up Cedric on the internet, despite telling herself that she really didn’t need to know anything about him.
Apparently though, some part of her was desperate for information, hungrily combing through search results for anything interesting. There were lots of news reports of his parents divorce, and of how he’d left home with nothing and then made a lot of money in investment and venture capital. How he’d cut a swathe through the female population, apparently not caring one iota about his family or his reputation.
His father had publicly repudiated him from all accounts, not that it made any difference to Cedric; he was famously reported for saying, when asked about his father, ‘Who?’
That of course piqued Anna’s curiosity. The two had not got on, it was clear, and naturally she wanted to know why. So she’d focused her research deeper, on Magnus Blackwood and his first wife, Victoria and then Bethany, after his divorce from Victoria. Not long after their wedding Magnus and Bethany had a son they named Vincent. There were lots of pictures of the family, the wife, the handsome Duke and their adorable little boy… And the fact that Vincent had been named heir instead of Cedric was not excluded from the reports.
And then she came across a news item that made her gut lurch. Vincent had contracted meningitis and had died very quickly after that. The Duke and his Duchess had been devastated, and separated years later.
It was obvious that neither the Duke nor the Duchess had got over the death of their son, and the entire drama made Anna wonder what kind of childhood Cedric had had with that kind of shadow hanging over his head. Knowing that his father had replaced him with his younger brother and had planned to pass the title to him instead.
And then she thought about the wedding he was planning, the engagement with the family heirloom on her finger, the honeymoon he’d been planning… It’s definitely not for her.
The ache inside her, the one she told herself she didn’t feel, deepened, though it shouldn’t. Because she knew he wasn’t marrying her for her. That it was all for whatever point he was trying to prove-and he was trying to prove a point, that was obvious. Though to whom, she didn’t know.
Whatever, she needed not to feel the ache. Becoming emotionally invested was dangerous for her, and if she’d learned anything by now it was that.
She had to keep her distance. Shut herself off. Lock herself down.
And your wedding night? The one night he wants from you? She remembered back in his office how his presence had made her feel restless and wound up, and then not long after that how his touch had calmed her. There had been something still in him that had then stilled her, and she’d found it…restful.
It was strange that he could be both calming and arousing, but maybe that would help come that night. Because the more she thought about it, the more she wanted it, even if she wasn’t sure she was ready for it. Perhaps it would even help. It could be like a safety valve, helping her let off steam in the same way being in the woods had helped her let off steam as a child.
__________
The day of the wedding arrived all too soon. Anna found her little bedroom in the cottage full of make-up artists and stylists, people poking and prodding her until she finally emerged in the beautiful tulle and silk wedding gown, her face immaculate, her hair braided in a crown around her head and threaded through with flowers, a shimmering veil in gilt lace thrown over the top.
She barely had a moment to look at the stranger in the mirror before she was whisked downstairs and into the black limo that would take her from the cottage to the little church in Haerton village.
The church was historic, and packed with people. The press waited outside, cameras at the ready as Anna got out of the limo. They called her name as she went up the old church’s steps, shouting questions at her as she went, but by that stage Cedric’s PA, Bonnie, was there, helping her with her gown and flowers, whispering in her ear to just ignore them.
She tried, but it was all very strange. The whole situation was strange. Dressed in white and ready to marry a man she didn’t love in front of a big crowd of people she didn’t know, and all because she needed the money and her father taken care of.
A business arrangement, Cedric had assured her. Yet it didn’t feel like a business arrangement any more. Not when there was a gown and an engagement ring, and a church. All the trappings of love without the emotion.
A bit like your life, isn’t it?
Anna clutched her bouquet, waiting for the music to start for her walk down the aisle. Conscious that the place at her side was empty. Because the place at her side, where her father should have been, was always empty. He hadn’t wanted to walk down the aisle with her because he wasn’t physically steady enough, and he’d said it wasn’t real anyway so it didn’t matter that he wasn’t there. He’d gone to get the treatment paid for by the Duke. The only people she knew were are friends, Sara and Collins, and she barely had time to see or speak to them.
As for her father, she tried to make sure his absence didn’t affect her much. He’d never been a real father to her anyway.