~~~Trust the one who’s been where you are wishing all it was, was sticks and stones. Those words may cut but they don’t mean you’re all alone and you’re not invisible. Hear me out, there’s so much more to this life than what you’re feeling now. Someday you’ll look back on all these days and all these pain is gonna be, invisible~~~
-Hunter Hayes-
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Living with him for more than four years, I thought I had already experienced all kinds of pain and heartache, but I was wrong because the moment I stepped out of the house or should I say my home for last four years of my life, the real heartache has started. I felt like I left my heart too.
From that day on I started telling myself that no matter what happens, there’s no turning back. I have to do what I had planned. I need to go somewhere else, somewhere far from that place and somewhere away from him to forget what I’ve been through and to ease the pain. It’s hard I know, but I need to, I need to get used to the old and new kind of pain that lingers within my heart.
It was a Monday morning when I decided to leave everything behind. It was also the same day I spoke to him in the kitchen and Attorney Raymundo’s secretary came with the copies of the divorce agreement I had asked from him. I didn’t think twice and signed them as soon as I received the document. I placed them over Luke’s desk in the study room before saying goodbye to our beloved helpers who have become my friends for the past years.
I also didn’t get the chance to talk to him and say my last goodbye… or maybe the truth was that I really didn’t want to see him as I was afraid. I was afraid to see even a glimmer of hope in his eyes and that would make me run back to him and stay. I was too afraid that when that happened, my heart would jump out of my body and choose to become a fool again.
So I left without saying goodbye nor glancing back at where I lived but also at where I stumbled and fall. I really felt so tired. The wound he inflicted on my heart and soul was still bleeding that made me weak and vulnerable and I felt like I couldn’t take any more pain if I stay.
I was crying all the way to my parents’ house and was getting ready to hear what my brother and especially my dad would say when they saw me with all my stuff back into the house. I don’t know what to explain to them if they asked me, but then I decided to take the blame so the conversation wouldn’t get any longer like I used to do in the past few years.
But to my surprise, the negative thought I had in mind never happened, instead, it was the opposite that happened. My whole family gathered in the living room and I had no idea that they were all waiting for me. I was shocked and my eyes wandered over all of them one by one.
And my tears fell when my father gave me a warm smile opening his arms for a fatherly embrace. It was only then that I realized they already knew everything. I’m sure it was my mom who told them about Luke and I’s situation.
“Dad…”
The first word I uttered before running to him and cried against his shoulder until my tears wet his shirt.
At that moment, words were no longer needed as he started rubbing my back and seconds later, my mom and Dale stood up and we did a family hug. The thing we haven’t done for so many years.
“I’m sorry…”
I kept muttering between my sobs. I felt like a child again… the little Samantha crying in her parents’ arms. Although it didn’t take away the pain, at least it brought me relief to know they were here to support me.
“Shhh… it’s okay, we will do something about it.”
I glanced up at my father and slowly shake my head. I know that even though he wasn’t saying anything, I still could see the anger he was trying to hide as it is visibly shown in his eyes.
“There is nothing we can do about it, dad. He had already chosen between me and the woman he loves and I don’t want to force myself on him like what I did before. I want to move on now and think only of Cali.”
Again, he said nothing but the kind of look he gave me showed that he doesn’t agree with my decision.
We all sat in the living room with my mom who started asking me about my plans and I sighed before discussing it with them. It was only Jack who knew everything as we had already discussed it before I got the divorce agreement.
* * *
Three days…
Three days have passed before I finally left my hometown and went to another place hoping it was the best way to forget what had happened and to forget the pain.
I admit that during those three days we were at my parents’ house, it wasn’t just once that I wished he would show up and talk to me or even call to talk to his daughter, but it never happened.
So after waiting for nothing, we decided to fly to New York using my father’s private jet and finally leave San Francisco and all the pain behind.
The first month of staying in a new place with new people, new atmosphere and completely different from where we lived wasn’t easy. Every day, we face difficulties and adjustments especially Cali. All I thought, it would be easy to explain our situation to her, but I was wrong.
I realized how hard it was to explain to a four-year-old child that she couldn’t see her father every day or every morning when she wakes up. It hasn’t been easy for me choosing the right words just to make her understand our situation, the things that will change and the new things to come. Yes, she’s smart, but I can’t change the fact that she’s still a child. A child who shouldn’t experience such kind of thing.
If I could just turn the hands of time and change what I have done, I would do it without thinking twice or hesitating. Because in that way, I could save my daughter from the pain and sadness she’s experiencing by not seeing her father. But no matter how much I wish, even if I shed blood, I could no longer change what was done… what I have done.
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PRESENT TIME:
Samantha’s POV:
“Sam, let’s go out.”
I turned to Jack as she slumped herself on the bed. I was checking some emails from the laptop.
“Where are we going?”
“Let’s unwind and visit the places we used to go to before.”
“But Jack I’m busy.”
“Come on, Sam let Linda handle the flower shop while you’re here.”
Linda is my secretary slash assistant in our flower shop business in New York. Jack and I decided to put up a small business while I was in college. Well, she graduated in Marketing management in San Francisco and I was currently taking up Entrepreneurship that time when we started the business. We have combined our talents and skills, so by the time I graduated, we already have four branches that we managed together.
“I’ve already asked Mylene to take charge while I was away for I don’t know how long and I’m pretty sure that she’s doing her job.” She added, referring to her assistant.
“I thought you said you would never set foot in San Francisco, so why now you suddenly want to unwind and visit the places we used to hang out before?”
“Haist! Yes, I said those words, but there’s one thing you forgot to mention, girl.”
“And what is it?” I asked, confused.
“I said I would never go back to San Francisco if, in every place I go, I would bump into your jerk of a brother!”
“Ohh…” A chuckle left my lips.
I wonder what would happen if these two suddenly fell in love with each other.
“Fine, but I’ll talk to Cali first if she wants to go with us.”
“Okay, that’s fine with me.”
But when I talked to my daughter, she said she wanted to stay and play with her grandma, so we decided to go without her.
The first place we went to was our favourite cafe near her old apartment. And surprisingly, the vintage and rustic design of the ceiling, wall decorations and tables seemed nothing has changed… the look is still the same.
And just like the old times, we ordered our favourite drinks with both a slice of cake as we reminisced the old days. Lots of memories of the past few years came back, but Jack hasn’t really forgotten to mention some things about the past.
“You know what, I still can’t believe what you’ve been through all these years, I mean… jeez! The stubbornness you had and the tears you shed just to protect Cali’s feelings.”
A bittersweet smile curled up against my lips.
“Yeah, you’re right and I thank God for always giving me the strength to go through all those downfall moments of my life. He saved me, He let me borrow His strength to pursue my career.”
“And I’m so proud of you, Sam.” She said with a genuine smile.
“Thanks, Jack, I wouldn’t be able to do that if you weren’t there.”
“Tss! It’s because you’re my best friend and I believe that God will not give you more than you can handle. He knows you are strong enough to get through it.”
I happily nodded at what she had said.
“See? There’s good in goodbye. And because of that I just suddenly remembered one of Carrie Underwood songs, ‘there’s good in goodbye’, I promise the lyrics will suit you.”
“Really?”
“Uhuh.” She nodded.
“Okay, I’ll try to search for it later.”
“Yeah, you should listen to the lyrics.” She said and sipped her coffee but then she immediately put it down and raised an eyebrow at me. “By the way, Miss Samantha Soriano, I just want to know what happened to your version 2. 0 that you told me when we were in New York?”
“I still am, why do you ask?”
“Hmm… because I saw your reaction when you learned that Luke was joining us for breakfast. And— I saw you talking to him in the pool area.”
“Jack, it’s not what you think—”
“Hep! Whatever it is, I’m in no position to stop you, but let me just remind you, dear Samantha, I mean, Samantha version 2. 0 of your promise to yourself that you will never look back on what you’ve been through. You said you’ve already moved on and had no feelings for your husband.”
“Ex-husband!”
“Fine, ex-husband— ex-lover— ex-bastard or whatever you want to call him, Samantha I just hope you don’t forget that promise.”
“Jackeline, I wasn’t forgetting what I said and just for your peace of mind, he tried to talk to me but I refused. And yes, I already moved on and what has happened in the past, I make sure it won’t affect me anymore.”
“Okay.” She said with a shrug. “I was just reminding you again. Luke was one of the things in the past that you should never reminisce or look back. You now have a new life…” She paused and smiled at me before she continued. “… and love life. A man who deserves your love and the one who has shown you your importance.”
“Yeah, I know and don’t worry, I may not be able to avoid seeing Luke or talking to him, but my heart doesn’t belong to him anymore.”
I smiled at her as a sign of reassurance.