~~~So I ask myself what you’ve left behind for me to go on each day and live as if I have you once again. What else is there that’s real but all the pain that I feel. So let the pain remain forever in my heart, for every throb it brings is one more moment spent with you. I let the pain bring on the rain if that’s the only way, if there’s no other way to be with you again~~~
-Side A-
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Samantha’s POV:
“What?”
My eyes widened in shock when Rory told me about what had happened earlier at the Pizza restaurant. I formed my fists and instantly turned to Cali who excitedly shoved the spoonful of cake into her mouth. I silently motioned for Elaine to bring my daughter into the living room.
“Wow! How fucking rude he is to bring that woman to that restaurant? He didn’t even use his head that someone might see them or take a picture of them doing nasty things!”
I felt my blood boil at that moment.
“But you know what, I wish you were there so you’ve seen that woman’s reaction when Cali screamed if she’s her dad’s mistress! Oh, my gosh, Samantha, even I, I can hardly paint her face that has turned to crimson!” Rory chuckled and a grin somehow twisted on the corner of my lips.
Based on Rory’s story, I can imagine how awkward and embarrassing the situation earlier.
“And by the way, before I forget, Luke was asking your daughter if who had taught her about what the mistress means.”
“Huh! I feel sorry for him, but no one taught his daughter and it was his fault that Cali found out their nasty secrets!
“He told her earlier that he was coming home early tonight because he had something important to discuss with you, but I’m sure you already knew what it is.”
“Yeah, you’re right! I’ll wait for him tonight and I won’t let him blame me for his stupid actions!”
After a few more minutes of conversation with Rory, I followed Cali into the living room. She’s still eating the piece of cake that Elaine gave her.
I sighed and leaned on the couch as I watched her eat and handed Elaine the empty plate.
“Thank you, Ellie.”
“You’re always welcome, pretty princess.”
I smiled as I listened to their small conversation.
“Mommy…”
“Hmm?” I sit with my back straight and take tissue from the tissue box to wipe the left icing in the corner of her mouth.
“I saw daddy at the Pizza restaurant earlier.”
I stopped from wiping her mouth and stared at her for a while. I thought she already forgot about it, but I think I was the one who forgot that she’s smart and she couldn’t forget things easily.
“Yeah, Rory already told me.”
At that moment, we both didn’t notice that my best friend came and heard what Cali had said.
“Really?”
I nodded.
“But why was he kissing his mistress, mommy?”
“Baby—” but I was interrupted by Jack whose eyes were wide open like saucers.
“What the he—heaven!” Maybe she realized that swearing is not allowed in front of Cali. “What did you say?”
“Untie Jack!”
“Jack?” Cali and I uttered in unison.
“Hello, munchkin.” She threw her bag on the couch and sat down across my seat as she lifted Cali into her lap. “What did you say again, munchkin? You saw your dad at the restaurant and kissing his damn— mistress?”
“Yes.” Cali nodded.
“W-Wait! Do you understand what a mistress means?”
“It’s a friend. Mommy told me that a mistress is a friend.”
“Oh, my God!”
“Jackeline!” I shook my head slightly and motioned for her to stop. I knew at that time what was running through her mind.
But guess what? She ignored me.
“Munchkin, please listen carefully to what Untie Jack will tell you, okay? A mistress isn’t a friend, it’s the other way around.”
“What do you mean, Aunt Jack, I’m confused.”
“It means, she’s the person who steals your dad from you and from your mommy.”
“No—”
“Listen here, Cali, she’s the reason your mom always cried at night because that woman wanted your dad to be hers.”
I closed my eyes in frustration. This isn’t the way I was planning to tell my daughter the truth.
-‘What are you doing, Jack?’- I asked in silence.
And you know what, it really hurts your mom to know that your dad already loves someone else and doesn’t love your mom anymore. The truth makes her cry, but she always pretended to be happy, to be strong and she always smiled every time she heard about it even though it really breaks her inside. And do you know why she does that?”
I blinked repeatedly to push back the tears that had formed around my eyes when Cali glanced at me and the looks in her eyes seemed like she was on the verge of crying.
“She pretended to be okay because she loves you. She loves you more than herself that she takes all the pain.”
“Mommy…” she almost jumped off from Jack’s lap and ran to me with unshed tears in her eyes and hugged me on the neck. “Mommy, I’m sorry.” and a few seconds later, she started sobbing on my shoulders.
“Hey, why are you saying sorry?” I asked as I rubbed her on the back.
“Because it’s my fault why daddy no longer loves you. I have always been a bad girl…”
I quickly wiped my own tears before making her stand in front of me.
“Baby, it’s not your fault,” I said drying her tears.
“No, mommy, I don’t want you to cry. I’m sorry, I’ve always asked daddy to buy me a princess dress and eat at the fast-food restaurant…”
“Hey! Hey, Cali, look at me. Baby, look at mommy.” I cupped both of her cheeks. “It’s not your fault why daddy loves someone else or when he doesn’t love me anymore. It’s mommy’s fault. And believe me, there are things that I really wanted to explain to you, but you’re too young. And someday when you grow up, when you’re already a big girl, you will understand why, but for now, what important is that your daddy loves you and no one can take the love he has for you. It will never change no matter what happens.”
“No one can take him away from me?”
“Uhuh.” I nodded.
“Does that mean he’ll be my daddy forever?”
“Yes. He will always be your daddy even when you grow up when you have your crush, a boyfriend or even when you get married and have your own family, he will still be your daddy.”
“But what will happen if he loves someone else? Mommy, I don’t want him to love that woman at the restaurant, I want daddy to love you because you are my… you are my mommy.” Her sentence was cut by her sobbing and I pulled her into a tight hug.
I really wanted to tell her that it was what I wanted too. I don’t want her father to love anyone else but me, but I couldn’t do anything as his heart doesn’t belong to me or should I say it never belonged to me. He was my whole life, a whole book for me, but for him, I was only a chapter that he’s now slowly closing.
“Baby, don’t worry about these things, I am your supermom, right? It only means there’s nothing that mommy can’t handle.”
I don’t know how long we stayed in the living room with Jack watching and listening to our conversation.
And maybe because of exhaustion and the emotion she let out through crying, she fell asleep in my arms, so I lifted her up and carried to my room still with Jack who opened the door for me.
I waited for her until she finally in a deep sleep before deciding to leave and went out of the room.
* * *
“Jack, why did you do that? You shouldn’t have told her about it!” I asked Jack the moment we went back downstairs and into the living room.
“I shouldn’t have told her about what, the real meaning of mistress or that her father has a mistress?”
“Both! She’s too young and this isn’t the right time!”
“But when is that right time, Samantha? When you can no longer control the things happening around you or when your husband has decided to live with that woman and leave you?”
-‘Haist! She doesn’t understand my point! This is not the way I intend to tell Cali about her father and I’s situation.”
“When are you going to wake up and accept the truth that he will never love you? Because if he would, he should have done it four years ago.”
“I know, but this is not about him, this is about Cali! You know how much she loves her father and I was just thinking how would she feel when when she found out the truth.”
“Oh, really? Are you sure this is still about your daughter? Or is this about you? Because as far as I know, you’re head over heels with your husband that you can endure all the pain and heartache he’s giving you. Jeez, Samantha! Have you tried to look yourself in the mirror these days?
I didn’t utter a word, I just remained looking at the wall.
“Sam, please, don’t use your daughter’s feeling to cover up your own feelings.”
My head snapped at her.
“I’m not using her!”
“Sam—”
“And for God’s sake, Jackeline! You don’t get my point, so can you stop it right now? I am her mother and she is my daughter, so that means I am the one to decide what’s best for her and not anyone else!”
My voice came out a bit loud. And honestly, I wasn’t looking at her, so I didn’t notice the shock and hurt that written in her eyes at that moment.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
I turned to her and it was then that I realized what I had blurted out.
“J-Jack, that’s not what I mean…” I tried to get close to her, but she stepped back. Hurt was clearly shown in her eyes as she shook her head at me.
“No, Sam, you have a point there. You’re Cali’s mother and I am just a ‘friend’… a friend who isn’t even a family member.”
“Jack, I didn’t mean to offend you—”
“It’s okay. Well, I’m just concern, but you’re right, you are the one to decide what’s best for your own daughter. I’m sorry, I guess I kinda overstepped the line.”
“Jackeline—”
“Anyway, I have to go, my mom is waiting for me. She said she wanted to treat me for dinner tonight.” She took her bag from the couch. “Bye, Sam.” and walked into the door without giving me a hug or a goodbye kiss that she used to do before saying goodbye.
“Jack!” I tried to call her again, but she didn’t turn to look at me.
I sighed loudly and slumped on the couch. I didn’t mean to offend her, I was just stressed out, tired and overwhelmed by the quick turns of events lately.
This isn’t the first time this has happened between us, but I admit, this one is the more serious.
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