He sounded panicked.
He was never panicked. He was always in control.
How was she before she fell asleep ?
I felt my hair being smoothed down and the cool rag washing over my face again.
His voice was barely audible, She had been crying, but I don’t know the exact reason why. She wouldn’t talk to me after we came home.
He was lying, wasn’t he ?
He knew why I cried.
Her sister’s birth date and the anniversary of her death is next week, isn’t it ?
Yes.
Cece, my other half, my best friend, my sister, my world, would forever be fifteen because of him.
Because of me.
I tried to scream, but nothing came out.
Sh, Lea. You’re safe. Open your eyes. Please, Lea. Open your eyes for me.
He was quietly begging me.
He was never quiet. He was always screaming, always threatening us.
I have to ask Boss, did you and her,
No. His answer was firm and edged with anger at the question.
He wouldn’t have been angry. He would have been gloating if he had been able to touch me like that.
Did something happen last night to cause her to be upset ? the woman asked quietly.
I tried to focus on my breathing, on opening my eyes as the two men and the woman talked. I wanted to wake up, really I did, but I was afraid of what I would see, of my nightmare becoming reality again.
Why is she like this Doc ? the man asked again.
My heart was ripping in two as his voice broke.
His voice never broke, ever. It was always strong and demanding.
I looked at the files you gave me on Lea and her family. From what I can tell, all the poor girl has ever known is rejection and heartache for the last several years. Her and Cecily were each other’s anchors, each others best friends. Now that Cecily is gone, she has had to protect herself by building a impenetrable wall. Quite frankly, I’m surprised that it has taken her this long to have an emotional breakdown.
But what does all that have to do with how she is reacting now, Doc ? Doesn’t she realize that I won’t hurt her ?
His voice was barely a whisper as he continued to tell me that I was safe.
He never would have whispered He would have just continued yelling, continued torturing us.
You are breaking down her defenses, Boss. Just as she has broken down yours. But, where you know your place in life, your goals, and for the most part, what your future holds, Lea is struggling to find hers. She is struggling to accept that she is wanted and accepted here. And she is struggling to sort out her feelings about it all, just as she is struggling to sort out the feelings she has for you.
The woman paused before continuing, Keep talking to her. Keep assuring her that she is safe. It may take awhile for her to completely wake up. When she does, be prepared for her to be confused and agitated, angry even. Just know that she can’t be held responsible for how she is right now.
How do I help her ?
I felt his hands run over my arms and back as I continued to struggle with regulating my breathing and pulling myself from the nightmare that had consumed so much of the last five years of my life.
By doing exactly what you have been doing all along. Be there for her and accept her, all of her. This next week will be hell on her Boss, especially given how far she is from Cecily. You will have to continue to be her anchor.
There was a slight pause and I heard light footsteps moving away from the bed before the woman spoke again, Bring her by later for a follow up.
I listened as the door closed, his whispered words the only sound in the still of the night.
I don’t know how long we sat like that, me in his lap, him whispering against my ear as he caressed my hair, my arm, my face while I drifted in and out. But after what felt like an eternity, I felt the chains of the nightmare slowly release my mind and body, and I felt the warmth of the man holding me creep into my chilled soul and my eyes fluttered open.
Carter had his head leaned against the elegantly carved headboard, his eyes closed, mouth drawn taut, and his brows furrowed with worry.
I slowly reached up and softly cupped his face, my voice barely audible, Hey.
Carter’s eyes shot open at my touch. His steel blue bloodshot orbs searched my face, his features softening as he buried his face in my neck and breathed a deep sigh of relief.
That bad ?
Carter simply nodded and pressed a soft kiss onto the exposed skin of my shoulder.
I looked over to the window noting the morning sun was making its first appearance of the day.
What time is it ? My voice was thick from the restless sleep.
Just after six.
How long ? I knew he would know what I meant.
Since about two thirty.
I sighed, Ah, the witching hour. He raised an eyebrow. That’s what I use to call the time between two and four a. m.
So this has happened before ?
I snuggled against Carter’s firm chest, running my hand over his chiseled physique. Yes. Right after..
I couldn’t say it. After a couple of seconds Carter nodded and pulled me closer into him and rested his chin on top of my head. You scared the shit out of me Lea.
Yea, well. I can’t say that I would ever recommend experiencing one of those. They’re a bitch. I chuckled as I tried to lighten the mood.
Do they happen often ?
I shook my head, Not anymore. There usually has to be a trigger.
Carter hummed. You were crying last night, on the way from the club. Why ?
I shrugged my shoulder, Everything.
I tried to move to the empty side of the bed but Carter just held onto me tighter. I’m fine now Carter. You can let me go.
I pushed against the arm that held me in place.
Carter seriously, let me go.
I could feel the vibe shift between the two of us as Carter reluctantly released his hold on me. I scooted off his lap and to the edge of the bed, facing away from Carter.
Did he, Carter paused a moment before finishing his question, did he touch you ?
I knew that Carter was going to ask that question at some point. But I had seriously hoped that it wouldn’t have been anytime soon. In all honesty, never having to answer it again would have suited me just fine. I have always hated the way people phrased it, Did he touch you ? They were always skirting around what they really wanted to ask.
Why does that matter ? My voice was laced with anger and agitation.
Lea, I could tell Carter was struggling with what he wanted to say.
I knew he deserved an explanation for the way I acted, for what had happened in the early hours of this morning, but the bitterness and guilt over what happened five years ago was something that would never go away.
I sighed and looked over my shoulder at him. No. He didn’t.
I rubbed my hands up and down my legs, the friction against the flannel pajama’s creating a welcoming heat against my body. I stood and started pacing, Carter watching my every move.
He could have if he had wanted to. He was stronger than Cece and I both, but he wanted me to give myself to him. He wanted the satisfaction of winning me over.