35

I think it was questions like these that had us keeping our hands to ourselves. I did miss him, and I did crave him, but it was like the desire we both felt for each other was kept under wraps.
I could feel it sometimes when he looked at me before bed or how he kissed my cheek and lingered. I think I wanted to try for another baby, but I didn’t want our first baby ever to be something on the backs of our minds or something we could replace.
Baby Callahan was made with love and trust, and I closed my eyes at the thought of my brother taking him away from me. I still couldn’t wrap my head around what he made them do. It felt unrealistic to think my brother hated Oisin so much…. hated his sister so much that he’d hurt her.
The scars and wounds he left scarred my heart and ruined the relationship we could never have, and I wanted him to pay for it. It was a murderous thought. I concur. But it would be a merciful kill for what he did to me, Danny, Connor, and the rest of Oisin’s men.
I found myself walking into the bathroom without knocking. Oisin was stepping out of the shower and wrapping himself with a towel. His tattoo-riddled body was taut and hard, and the droplets of water that fell down his neck, chest, and lower…had me forgetting my question for a moment.
Oisin was so handsome, so sexy, and this man was my husband. All mine. He let me stare at him, and I didn’t feel embarrassed or ashamed for gawking at him.
What is it, mo ghra amhain ?
I swallowed as I ripped my eyes away from that sexy little trail and back up to his eyes. How are you going to kill Enzo ? My voice was raspy, a little desperate, and if he noticed, he didn’t let on.
His face was hard as he contemplated my question. How would you like me to kill him ?
I want him to pay for what he did to me, to us.
You say the word, and I’ll have him fucking butchered.
That seems like nothing for what he did. My hand ghosted over my stomach.
He stared at me intently. When I kill him, I want you to take over the Morelli family. Some of the men that survived are loyal to your father, to you. The Bratva, Cartel, along with my support and Liam’s, have all agreed for you to take over.
My heart fluttered, and my eyes went wide. You…chose me ?
Of course, I did, and I dared anyone to challenge me. He said as a matter of fact. Enzo isn’t the problem. It’s what you want me to do with your mother. She refused to come home with me when I took your nonna.
I-I don’t know. Just leave her to choose her own fate. Speaking of fate, I was reminded of what Enzo said to Oisin the day I was taken. Do you remember when I called you from the car ?
His jaw ticked from the memory of when I called him sobbing. Yes.
What did Enzo mean when he said about fates being sealed ?
Shit. He swore and rubbed his face. Don’t get mad, but I had spoken to your brother weeks before you were taken and offered him a deal. Your safe return back home or a cut from my deals.
He asked for more money, didn’t he ?
He did. I asked what kind of brother wouldn’t want to know whether or not his sister was alive. He said your fate was sealed when I took you.
I’m not mad. I’m not even surprised. Is that why you told me not to have such high hopes in him ?
He nodded slowly. I knew you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. You didn’t even trust me and hated that I was keeping you here. I didn’t want to add more fuel to the fire, so I stayed quiet.
Can I tell you something ? Before you crashed the wedding, I prayed to God to send someone to save me. God sent you. Before you saved me from that room, I prayed to God to send someone to save me. God sent you to me again.
I didn’t think much of it, but if God sent you to me in my times of need, then you must be my salvation. I never thought I’d ever love you. Now, I can’t imagine living in this world without you by my side. I can’t breathe when you’re not near. I never want to leave your side. I love you so much.
You were right. It’s me and you, destined to be together, to go through everything this world throws at us together. You’re my salvation, my husband, the love of my life, and loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.
Oisin
We spent the evening eating greasy Chinese food and watching whatever romance movie she picked. I didn’t mind. I was over the moon happy with whatever she chose.
Our love journey was rocky and filled with trials and tribulations, but it was the end that mattered. It was where we were right now that counted. In love. Together. Close.
She said God sent me to her, that I was her salvation, I wasn’t a religious man, but for her, I’d be whatever she needed. Yes, we’d gone through hell and have had pain and heartache to last us years, but we had each other.
We’d always have each other. I didn’t need anything else as long as Elena was with me. I was content with my life and would take it slow regarding our future for as long as Elena wanted. I didn’t mind.
Her mental and emotional health mattered to me more than expanding our family. I wouldn’t suggest or try to initiate anything if she didn’t want. I didn’t want to hurt her or add more to her pain.
She had her good days, but she also had her bad days. I could only do so much to help ease her sadness, and I never wanted to push her too far or too hard.
If all she wanted was to watch movies and cuddle on our bed, then that’s all we’d do. I waited forever for her to be mine, and I’d wait as long as she wanted. I cleaned up the trash and mess we made then we got out of bed to wash our hands and brush our teeth.
I returned, gathered up the dirty bedsheets where some sauce spilled, and tossed it all in the laundry basket. I pulled out new sheets and redid the bed while Elena finished in the bathroom.
Are you going to go back to your study ?
I looked up. Yeah. I have a few things I need to take care of. I also need to call Liam and Igor ; just work out some stuff.
She nodded and played with her fingers.
Use your words, mo ghra amhain.
Can you stay with me until I fall asleep ?
Yes, I can.
I got under the covers with her, and she rested her cheek on my chest while I rubbed her back. I kissed the top of her head, and she sighed softly. Since I brought her back, she couldn’t stand sleeping in the dark, so I always kept a light on. It was a dimly lit yellow lightbulb but lit enough for us to see each other.
Oisin.
Hmm.
Why don’t you touch me or kiss me ?
My body tensed up immediately at her words. Despite waiting for this topic to come up and waiting patiently for Elena to be the one to bring it up, I still wasn’t ready for this topic of conversation.
I… I’m just trying to be respectful of your space.
And that was the truth. I was terrified of touching Elena, having her flinch, and triggering her. The fact that she was assaulted hurt. The type of hurt made me feel this dull ache in my chest, and I could feel the staggering, burning pain every time I breathed.
Every time I thought about how I found her, it made me want to put the fucker who touched her against her will in a fucking woodchipper, but my wife was strong, brave, and killed him all on her own.
Trauma response or not, she did herself justice, and I fucking applaud her for it. He died, she had killed him, but that wasn’t where the problem was. The problem was she should have never been put in that position, to begin with.
Fucking Enzo. I wanted his fucking head mounted on a goddamn spike.
Is it because I was raped…that you don’t want to touch me ? She asked nervously, plucking me out of my murderous thoughts.
What ?
I blinked, confused at first, and she ducked her head. I forced her to look at me, lifting her chin, and kept her there. We would talk about this, but we’d do it with our eyes locked on each other.
No. I don’t want you to ever think like this. Her chin trembled, and I sighed. Baby, whatever your mind is conjuring up, erase them all. None of what you’re thinking is true. Do you hear me ? I caressed her chin.
Of course, I want to touch you, but I don’t want to force you into anything or take advantage of you when you’re sad and hurt. I waited for you to approach me about this topic because I told myself it was something you needed to come to terms with.
Don’t think that by leaving you alone to your thoughts that I hate you or I don’t care. That will never, ever be the fucking reason. You are my wife, and I love you.
What you went through is hard and heavy, and it would be selfish to ask anything from you when you’re still reeling from it all. All I want is to touch you, to let you know how much I ache for you, love you, and need you, but it’s only when you initiate it. I said.
It feels like there is this thick tension between us over whether we should try to have another baby again. I want to. I know you want to. I want a family with you. I-I just want you to want me like how you wanted me before it all happened.
You walk on eggshells around me like you’re terrified of me having some breakdown. I’m still me, Oisin. I’m still the same girl that slapped you in the face on our wedding day because she didn’t want you to touch her.