The blanket being wrapped those minuscule, luscious grass filled with a few meat skewers left on a plate, and an almost emptied bowl of strawberries and blueberries, the field that was bathed under the moonlight having the crickets and frogs croaked be the soul of this place, and these two people that connected to my heart had accentuated above them all.
“Demetrius, get out there. I want to lay on your mother’s lap!” Valerian said for the nth time, frowning.
“No! Mother let me stay here!” Demetrius buried his face in my stomach. “Plus, she did not even say yes!” He stuck his tongue out at him.
“Honeydew!” Valerian complained. His lips seemed like a duck’s beak with how he was stretching them.
I heaved out a sigh and kept caressing Demetrius’ hair. “Val… You are not a kid anymore. Halt it.”
“What?” I almost laughed, seeing how his voice raised in disbelief. “But I used to lay on your lap before we regressed!” I could almost see him stomping the ground seeing how he winced his hair in frustration and glared at me.
“I do not know anything about it.” I pretended that I had forgotten it while winking at Demetrius.
He grinned and stuck his tongue again at Valerian. “Mother is mine, Father.” He smiled sheepishly.
“You are being unfair, kid. She is mine first.”
“Mother loves me more than you.”
I wanted to slap myself for having to witness that they had to argue. Valerian insisted that he also wanted to lay on my lap, but Demetrius wouldn’t let him.
It was pretty fascinating having these two argue, but seeing how Valerian’s face looked like a volcano was about to erupt amused me.
“Mother! Father is brawling me! Help!”
I snapped back to see Valerian and Demetrius tackling each other. “Valerian!” I almost fainted and quickly slapped his arm. “Get off him, you grumpy man!”
Valerian’s creasing expression had disadvantaged him as soon as I gathered Demetrius in my direction. “Unfair…” His voice sounded sulking, seeing how he envied that I kept consoling Demetrius more than him.
“Now, now… Let’s halt this childish behavior.” I could feel my head pounding as if something foreign would like to abscond. “Come here, Demetrius.” I tapped my lap again, which he gladly obliged. I tapped the space beside me when I met Valerian’s sulking face. “Lay here. I shall caress your hair.”
I thought Valerian wouldn’t like the idea, but his handsome face lifted and brightened as he hastily brought himself beside me. He did not wait for me to have my hand on his head.
I gasped when his calloused hand wrapped around mine and brought it to his lips, causing butterflies to flutter in my stomach.
“Father is better to be Niccolo.”
Valerian arched his eyebrow. “Sorry, child. Even if Niccolo is controlling my body, that wouldn’t stop us to argue with you,” he said boastfully, looking at me with those shimmering chartreuse orbs. “And I would still want to ask for her attention. After all, I am a jealous man, right, honeydew?”
I felt my heart caressed by a thousand feathers in my heart with how he looked at me tenderly as if he would never set his eyes on another woman. That familiar gaze indicated he couldn’t keep his wolf at bay, making my wolf unable to compete but be submissive toward him.
My eyes shifted, unable to suppress any reaction, but hearing my heart kept messing with me.
Come on, Dominixe! Say something!
I cleared my throat. “Y-Yes, he is right.”
My words had brought a mischievous smile to Valerian’s lips. “See, son? You already lose the game.”
Demetrius huffed and looked at me with those pleading eyes. “Mother, I am jealous, too. Your attention is more on me than Father, right?” he asked, fluttering his eyelids. “I am your son, after all.”
My heart skipped a beat, realizing I couldn’t say no to this young man. “Of course, Demetrius.” I cupped his cheek. “Even though I did not give birth to you yet in this timeline, you are still my son for me,” I said softly.
I could feel our connection, I wanted to add that. How my wolf and I felt hurt whenever we saw Demetrius being in pain was enough to connect us.
Demetrius inhaled, plastering a boastful smile. “Thank you, Mother!” He giggled and turned at Valerian, who was even frowning more.
“Val…” I hastily covered Valerian’s mouth just before he could say something that would end them up arguing for good. His voice muffled while glaring at me. “You wouldn’t say anything, right?” I enlarged my eyes to specify that if he dared to repeat something, he would definitely be dead to me. “Right?” I said one more time through gritted teeth.
Valerian gasped and nodded quickly. He tried to release himself from it, but I held his lips tighter. He groaned and raised his hand, summoning a promise that he would be good.
Satisfied, I released him. “Damn…” He was huffing when our eyes met. “Sometimes, I felt like I was still your pet in those days.” He smirked.
I playfully rolled my eyes, suddenly remembering that he and I had this kind of escapade where he had to serve himself in my bed. “Whatever.” I laid my eyes on Demetrius when I felt his stare. “Is there something wrong, Demetrius?” I gently combed his hair, smiling.
“You were different from her.”
“Huh?”
“My mother…” Demetrius paused. “You are different from my mother. Perhaps, because Father is alive here in this timeline…” He averted his gaze, fixating it on the villa house. “If only Father were alive on my timeline, I would experience this.” He immediately buried his face in my stomach.
I stiffened when I felt that part wet, quickly turning at Valerian, who looked alarmed at Demetrius’ words.
I halted Valerian when he was about to say a word. I mouthed that I could handle it, smiling meekly at him. Valerian gently squeezed my hand, telling me he was just here with me.
Nodding, I kept combing Demetrius’ hair. “I know that my other self’s action is unforgivable, Demetrius.” I felt him tightening his hold on my skirt. “I am not going to justify it. She is wrong. Always be wrong.”
Demetrius sniffed. “If only Mother chose Father’s love than her loyalty to Grandfather… things would have gone differently…” His words suddenly slaughtered my whole being. His tone sounded so broken that he did not realize what he said hit me. “I wouldn’t have to suffer like this… Mother would be able to love on who I am…”
My shoulders slumped when my heart clenched. Even my hand combing Demetrius’ hair stopped as I succumbed to guilt.
Right…
Demetrius was right. If only I had chosen Valerian then, I wouldn’t have had to witness Valerian dying before my eyes.
Things would have gone differently, as Demetrius proclaimed.
But instead, I was only thinking by that time… to please Papa since I was one of the heir candidates. I was only doing it since I wanted to survive in our household, where we had to kill each other very soon.
“Lilith…”
I flinched when I felt knuckles brushing my cheek that was… already wet? “H-Huh?” I turned at Valerian to see his concerned expression before I lay on my stomach and gasped when Demetrius was not with us anymore. “Where is… Demetrius?” I sniffed the hair to look for his scent.
“He is already inside. I told him that he should rest already.” He kept squeezing my hand when I met his tender gaze. “Dominixe…”
I felt my insides tense, having to see that gaze again. It was one of the fundamental reasons I had to make excuses to prolong my mission since I hesitated to attack Valerian’s pack then.
Looking at him, I knew… this was the perfect opportunity to ask for forgiveness.
“Valerian…” My voice became raspy when I squeezed his large hand. I tried to open my mouth, but no words were coming out. No. I was a coward on where to start.
“Yes, Lilith?” My chest clutched my heart to take my breath away when I saw the anticipation glinting on his chartreuse orbs.
My eyes scrutinized every inch of his face, allowing me to memorize his features again. Valerian flinched when I reached for his face and used my thumb to trace his handsome features only to land it on his lower lip.
“Dominixe…?”
My eyes failed me, bathing my vision with the salty liquid. “Demetrius is right, Valerian. If only I should have chosen you and backed down from my mission to eradicate your pack, things would be different.” I bit my lower lip. “I was a coward… I chose to please him, but I lost you in the process.” More tears streamed down my cheeks. “Please forgive me.” I met his eyes even though my vision was blurry because of my tears. “I have hurt you… I will not justify it, but I have had no choice before. Even if I backed down, Arthur shall fill my position and end up with the same outcome.” I kissed his hand. “There is no other day I have never regretted everything, honeydew. I had nightmares ever since I lost you or even when I regressed to this day.” I hiccuped, feeling my chest tighten.
Here it was. I was here now to ask for his forgiveness.
“You are free to hate me, Valerian. I am willing to accept if you seek revenge on me. I will accept if you kill me or make my life suffer.” I intertwined our hands, sniffing. “You do not deserve me as your mate. It would have been better if you were fated with someone else who wouldn’t dare to hurt you…” I hugged his hand, embracing it as if that was the strength I had been grabbing on. “It is so painful to witness you dying before my eyes. All I wanted was to change your fate. I love you, Valerian. I cannot afford to lose you again.”
I felt like I was being out of breath already. This opportunity was so heart-rending that the moonlight became my limelight to keep what I was doing.
“I was hurt when I knew you lied that you were still alive. But… I deserve to be in this situation since I have hurt the love of my life. It is fine if you do not wish to rekindle our mate bond. I am going to accept your punishment. If you wish, I can ask my older sister to break our mate bond since being bonded with me was such a disaster. All I did in our previous life was hurting you, honeydew…” I cried, unable to suppress the feeling of guilt that kept haunting me.
It was suffocating that I almost died. I felt myself drowning more in despair, impotent to help myself escape this pool of remorsefulness.
It was hard… It felt like being killed slowly inside, like you could still move but were already dead.
“I have killed your pack members and broke your trust. You have every right to be angry with me, Valerian.” I hiccuped while saying those words. “I am willing to accept that you do not love me anymore. But even if that happens, I want you to know that every fiber of my whole being screams that I love you, and that shall never change.” I closed my eyes, letting this pain poison me. “I do not deserve to be with you and Demetrius, our son. That was still me, even if you say I did not abuse him. I was horrible from then and now, even the other Dominixe from another timeline. I deserve it in this situation… I deserve to suffer… I am sorry, Valerian.” I kissed Valerian’s hand again before looking up to meet his gaze, but I couldn’t see his reaction, obscured by these tears. “Because of me… I deserve this pain… You have every right to hurt me back… I will never be mad at you…” I reached for his face and leaned closer. “Honeydew, I am really sorry for everything… You do not need to forgive me since what I did was unforgivable.”
I leaned my forehead on his broad chest this time, clutching his tunic. I let myself wail in tears as the guilt overwhelmed me. I already accepted that Valerian wouldn’t forgive me since it was his right.
I caused pain and left a scar on his heart. Forgiving someone who already took everything they had worked hard for was hard.
Even I, who hated my father, couldn’t forgive him. How much more if Valerian’s real feelings were able to unfasten?
Was I really prepared for his abomination?
I gasped when Valerian fell to the ground while I landed on his chest. “V-Valerian…?” I licked my lips, confused as to what was happening.
My eyes widened when his arms wrapped around me. “Yes… What you did was unforgivable. It was the reason why I hate you, Dominixe.” My heart felt like being clawed out from my ribcage when Valerian said that.
This was the moment I would be hearing his thoughts. I was prepared now, I think.
“But at the same time, despite what you did, I still love you…”