Chapter 184:
Facing Fears
Megan’s POV
The gym was near empty except for the regular thud of punching bags and sometimes the clinking of weights. Megan stood alone save a few trainers who were scattered around, focused on their routines. She did laps around the length of the ring as thoughts whirled in her mind, a swirling mix of anxiety and determination.
She heard a rap at the door and then watched as Chris stepped inside. His expression indeed held a mixture of concern and optimism.
“Hey,” Chris said, flashing her a warm smile. “Mind if I join you?”
Megan nodded and smiled small. “Sure, I could use the company.”
Chris ambled toward her, his gaze flicking down to the tension in her shoulders. “You look like you’re carrying the weight of the world.
Megan let out a sigh and leaned against the ropes of the ring. “It feels like it sometimes. Like I always said, I’ve been working on the fears, but it ain’t easy, ya know?”
Chris nodded sympathetically. “Facing your fears is hard. What’s on your mind?
Megan took a deep breath. “Lately, I’ve been thinking about some of the fights I had in the past, mostly those that did not go very well for me. I keep thinking about how my mistakes might have affected others.”
Chris’s expression softened. “It is natural to feel that way. But remember, you cannot change the past. What you can do is learn from it and use it in growing.
“I know,” said Megan, her frustration seeping through her voice. “But every time I feel like I’ve gotten past it, something comes up to bring it all back in my face. It’s as if a constant reminder is there to remind me of where I have fallen short.
He took a few steps toward her, his tone urging her on. “What is the biggest fear you are feeling right now?
Megan turned her eyes away, gazing at the heavy bag hung in the corner of the gym. “I’m just so scared of failing again, of letting more people down. Not purposing to be that guy who gets caught up in his mistakes.”
Chris nodded thoughtfully. “It sounds like you’re putting an awful lot of expectation on yourself. Admirable, but don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too.”
“I am trying,” Megan said, her voice ruffled with frustration. “But the more I seem to try, the more I stumble sometimes.
Chris put his reassuring hand on her shoulder. “It is a process to start facing your fears. Not about perfection but knowing what is there and going forward from them.”
Megan held his eyes-hers filled with vulnerability and yet determination. “I know you’re right. That’s hard to see when everything seems so overwhelming.”
He smiled gently. “What if we work through this together? We start with breaking down your fears into small parts so it won’t seem so overwhelming.”
Megan paused a bit as she considered his suggestion. “Okay, that sounds good. What have you got in mind?”
He walked with her over to a bench nearby and sat down, gesturing for her to do the same. “Tell me about one of your fears. What has been, of late, the most troublesome?”
Megan sat down next to him, her expression deep in thought. “Well, lately, I am so afraid to get into another fight and lose my control over my emotions. The time before the last fight, my anger overtaken me, and it was way worse to her than I had intended.”
Chris listened keenly. “That’s understandable. What have you done for controlling your emotions during training?”
“I’ve been trying to keep my head straight and trying to focus some energy in a good direction,” Megan explained. “But sometimes, you know, I just feel like I am going to lose it.”
Chris nodded. “Let’s address that fear by focusing on strategies for managing your feelings. You could maybe add some mindfulness and some relaxation techniques into your routine.”
Megan raised an eyebrow. “Mindfulness? Isn’t that more about meditation and stuff?”
Chris chuckled. “It’s not just for meditation. Mindfulness can help you stay present and calm in the face of high-pressure situations. It’s a method of knowing what you are thinking and feeling without becoming controlled by those feelings and thoughts.”
Megan thought about this for a second. “Alright, I’ll try it. What sort of techniques are we talking about?”
Chris started to lean forward again, voice enthusiastic. “Deep breathing exercises, visualization techniques, and even journaling are all easy exercises. The point is to fashion a mental toolkit to help yourself stay focused and centered.”
Megan nodded slowly. “I can see how it might help with that. Worth a shot.”
Chris smiled reassuringly. “Good! With this exercise in mind, let’s begin with simple breathing. Do a few deep breaths whenever you find that you’re escalating in your emotions. Focus upon the air filling your lungs, then slowly exhaling.”
Megan did a deep breath, following his instructions. “Like this?”
“Exactly,” Chris said, his voice soothing. “The idea is to give yourself a moment to reset before you react. It’s creating space between your feelings and your actions.”
Megan did the breathing exercise, starting to feel a sense of calm wash over her. “This actually feels pretty good. It’s like a mini-break in the middle of the chaos.”
Chris nodded, appearing to be satisfied. “That’s the idea. It’s a way to help you stay focused. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes. The important thing is to keep pushing and learning from each experience.”
Megan turned her body toward Chris as her eyes welled up with tears of appreciation. “Thanks for walking me through this. I feel like I have a better handle on things now.”
Chris smiled back warmly. “Anytime, Megan. You are so much stronger than you think, and part of that strength has to deal with facing your fears.”
She stood to her feet again, energized once more with a surge in determination. “Now I’m ready to give it my all. Thanks for being here, Chris.”
Chris rose to stand beside her, his face a picture of support. “You can do this, Megan. I believe in you.”.
As Megan left the fitness center, there was relief and determination sitting on her face. It wasn’t easy, but talking with Chris really gave her some new tools in respect to how she might be able to handle her fears, and she was determined to put them into real life. With each step, she felt a little lighter, a little readier for whatever lay ahead of her in these next few days.
Chris watched her go, feeling deep inside that he had done something important. He felt it important for Megan to stand up to those fears finally, and he humbled himself in being one of those able to participate in this.