Am I embarrassing to be with ?
Everyone looked awkward as if they knew what the issue was and I felt left out, coldness churning in my stomach as I scanned everyone with hope one of them would at least tell me-they didn’t.
Why can’t I meet her ? I blurted, the confidence I envisioned in my head was nonexistent in my tone and it was very degrading.
Am I just not pretty enough ?
Is my body too scarred, weak, and skinny ?
Axel sighed, dropping his head into the crook of my neck with a soft growl, my parents aren’t exactly welcoming to humans, more so my mom than my dad. It’s just not a good idea, you don’t need that negativity after everything you’ve gone through. I want you to feel safe and comfortable here, not paranoid and stressed.
I nodded in acceptance, trying not to take personal offense knowing his parents hate me before even getting to know me. I should be used to the feeling, however, the fact it was his family made me feel like I did something wrong.
What if he’s just saying that so he didn’t have to tell me my body was embarrassing ?
Is that why he wants me to wear multiple articles of clothing around others ?
Whitney flashed her full bra and Blaine didn’t mind…
God, you two have no shame, do you ? I heard Gabbie say and I thought she was talking to us, so I turned only to see Blaine with his lips locked onto Whitney’s while they moaned quietly.
I think we should head out before they start removing layers, Axel added, standing up with me in his arms and Gabbie yanked Danny to his feet in non-verbal agreement.
He started carrying me away from the group without a moment to waste and I peeked behind him at his sister, seeing her give a thumbs up and wink before discretely pointing at Danny and mouthing something close to ‘my turn.’
I smiled and averted my attention back in front of me, my eyes skimming the endless trees during the rest of our walk.
?
I traced the design of his dresser with my eyes, pulling the blanket tighter over my body just as I heard the door open and saw him walk out of the bathroom.
I instantly analyzed his sculpted torso, my eyes trailing all the way down to the waistband of his gray sweatpants where his v-line disappeared. Blinking back to reality, I noticed he was grinning at me, so I hid myself underneath the blanket with an embarrassed grimace.
My grimace was wiped off and a loud gasp escaped my mouth when he ripped the cover back and revealed my not-so hidden hiding spot.
You can look, I’m your man, he flashed a smirk and his words coated my heart like paint. I never seen that look before and it did familiar things to my lower region, causing me to swallow harshly and widen my eyes with more redness tinting my face.
He chuckled at my reaction and dropped the blanket back in my grasp, sliding in next to me and I threw myself at him the moment he laid down. He didn’t even flinch, catching me with his strong arms and hugging me to his warm body.
I decided to only wear his shirt after I got out of the shower, too many articles of clothing on me for a long period of time makes me feel weird. I simply assumed he wouldn’t care because we’re alone. I’m just not used to the feeling of being covered, but I’m trying so hard to change that because I see how uncomfortable it makes everyone.
I don’t want to disgust anyone.
I just want to be treated the same.
Thank you, I said sheepishly, tracing my finger along the creases of his muscles that once intimidated me, now they bring me comfort.
For what ? He questioned.
For wanting me when no one else did.
He didn’t answer, taking my wrist to stop my movements then rolling onto his side. He let go and brought his hand to my face, delicately lifting my head up and locking his eyes on mine. He proceeded to very gently caress my chin with his thumb.
Don’t thank me for being smart, he teased, earning a small giggle out of me as his hand shifted up my jawline and he leaned his face closer. Our noses grazed and he stopped, a smile crossing his lips, I can’t get over how beautiful your voice is, and your laugh-god, I love your laugh.
I bit my lip and smiled wider, feeling my heart flutter out of my body and I raised my hand up to his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath my palm.
I love you, I said, unable to see his eyes from our closeness but I noticed his smile faltered and it worried me, I don’t know what it’s like, but I’m certain… I love you, I added hesitantly and feared for his response. I felt his heartbeat quicken but I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.
Why does that word feel so powerful ?
Why do I feel so vulnerable saying it ?
I love you too, Angelica, he whispered, leaning in the rest of the way and softly pressing his lips to mine.
Someone actually loves me.
I smiled uncontrollably against his lips, feeling him prop himself up with his forearm and lean over me, forcing me to lay on my back and reverse our positions. He moved his hand down my neck and rested it over my collar, softly rubbing my skin which sent the hot tingles into my core.
I deepened the kiss and pressed my legs together, bringing one of my knees up sluggishly to create friction and end the growing ache, however, the desire to be touched intensified and I began to realize the way to soothe the feeling wasn’t on the outside.
The thought of him touching me down there made me throb painfully and I squirmed, whimpering against him from the discomfort.
He groaned in reply and his hand moved again, trailing slowly over my breast and making me shudder. I arched into his touch desperately, feeling him slide down and trace the curve of my waist, over my hip, then stop on the side of my thigh with a light squeeze that drove me crazy.
He pulled my leg up more, causing the shirt to slide up and no longer cover my lower half. My legs were all that shielded me from his sight, except he never even tried to pull back and look.
We kept kissing like it were life or death, though something about it was different than all the others. Our tongues grazed lightly and we had our heads tilted, switching sides occasionally with small noises escaping our throats. The only time we caught air was between each smack of our lips and they were heavy gasps.
I wasn’t sure how, but we were so well synchronized with each other that I began to question if we’ve done this before and I just don’t remember.
My hand raised to his jaw while I placed the other over his collar and massaged slowly, clawing at him when I felt his fingers start to move toward the hem of my shirt.
He won’t do anything to hurt me.
I turned my head to pant for air, feeling him continue by kissing down my jaw and along my neck. I groaned, raising my hand to his hair and pulling at his strands as I scooted closer.
I want more of his paralyzing touch. I want every piece of his body touching mine. I want him closer. I feel so obsessed, what he’s doing just doesn’t feel like enough and I want more.
His hand found the end of my shirt then slipped beneath and groped my hip, delicately, yet very gradually, nearing the origin of my throbs.
I closed my eyes, moving my hand up to his shoulder, pulling at his hair, and squeezing onto him after sudden fear formed in my chest. The closer he got, the worse it consumed me, and just as he was about to reach his destination, I shot my hand down to stop him as a small whimper left my mouth.
I-I can’t… I’m scared, I exhaled shakily, keeping a tight grip over his wrist and frowning deeply in frustration.
I want him to touch me and relieve the ache… I’m just so afraid.
I thought I escaped the torment by escaping her, but I never thought I’d torture myself.
There is no end.
I’m physically free, but I’ll always be imprisoned mentally.
There is no freedom for survivors.
Okay, he breathed, pulling me back to reality by lifting his flushed face into view and looking down at me, his soft eyes flickering to my lips, we can stop, beautiful. We don’t have to rush into anything you don’t want to.