Chapter 62
Frustrated?
Megan’s POV:
I was still trying to cool off from what Chris told me, when I heard a knock on the door.
“Come in!” I muttered.
I headed up and I saw Jane walking briskly in the room.
“Are you also here to scold me or what?” I questioned without looking into her face.
“Megan, can I talk to you for a moment?” Jane asked ignoring my question.
“What is it?” I asked
“If it is about the conversation I had with Chris, then I am busy.” I stated.
“I know you are upset, but I could not help but overhear how you spoke to Chris … That was quite unacceptable, Megan.” Jane told me sternly but gently.
“He was just being jealous and unsupportive! He does not understand my work or my relationships.” I defended myself.
“Megan, I know you are talented and driven, but your behavior towards others is just as important as your success. You need to learn to communicate respectfully, even when disagreeing.” Jane advised me but I was not having it.
“Fine, whatever. Can I be left alone now?” I asked her.
“I know you are fed up with all I have been telling you…” Jane said as o interrupted.
“No! I just want to be alone now.” I told her.
“Not yet Megan. There is something you need to know. Chris… is actually your new boss.” Jane told me as I took a glance at her and busted out laughing.
“You are joking right?” I inquired of her.
“No, I am telling the truth.” Jane replied with all seriousness.
“What?! How… why…?!” I asked her.
“I got a new job, and I discovered that Chris will be got to seat in my chair when I am no longer here…” Jane explained.
“And you never said a word?” I asked her.
“I was going to tell you, but I wanted it to be a surprise… but now… I guess not.” Jane revealed.
“Yes Megan, Jane is saying the truth.” Chris walked in to meet us.
“Oh, my goodness… How?! You are my ghostwriter, not my boss!” I was shocked to my bones.
“You can never be Jane!” I told him.
“Ah, Megan, you are so quick to assume you know the whole story. Yes, I am your ghostwriter, but now… everything has changed…” Chris replied.
“You cannot do that! That is not the plan!” I yelled.
“This is a setup! You all just trying to sabotage me!” I told them on anger as Jane watched calmly.
“I am leaving if this is what you all want to do. I would leave.” I yelled as I got my things to leave.
“You are going nowhere, Megan!” Jane said
“Megan, what’s wrong with you? You’re always so uptight and defensive! Can’t you just relax and take some criticism for once?” Jane questioned me.
“I am relaxed! And I can take criticism just fine. But I don’t appreciate your tone and your constant judgment.” I expressed.
“My tone? You’re the one who’s always on edge, always waiting for someone to attack you.” Jane told me.
“Oh, really? Then why are you so sensitive about it? If you’re so confident in your abilities, then take some feedback and use it to get better. But no, you’d rather lash out and play the victim.” Jane fired at me.
“I am not playing the victim! And I am not sensitive, I’m just passionate about my work. And I don’t need your approval or your feedback to know what I’m doing is good.” I told her.
“You are impossible, Megan. I give up. It’s appalling to see that you have grown to be so stiff-necked. Gosh!” Jane said shaking her head as she walked away.
“Why can’t she just understand me? Why can’t she see that I’m trying my best?” I wondered.
“I’m so tired of being criticized and judged. I’m tired of feeling like I’m always on trial, like I have to prove myself over and over again. Can’t they see that I’m exhausted, that I’m barely holding on?” I wondered.
“I wish just once someone would say, Megan, you’re doing a great job. Keep it up. But no, instead it’s always, Megan, you need to improve this, or Megan, you’re not good enough. It’s like they’re sucking the life out of me, draining my creativity and my passion.” I cried on my inside.
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this. I feel like I’m losing myself, like I’m disappearing into this abyss of self-doubt. They don’t just see things my way!” I sighed.
“Argh”
As I departed from the scene, my cerebral cortex was inundated with a plethora of thoughts, a veritable maelstrom of mental machinations to overwhelm my very faculties of reasoning. The tumultuous tumult of my mind was a manifestation of the inner turmoil that had been brewing within her, a cacophony of conflicting emotions and rationalizations that refused to be silenced.
The erstwhile encounter with Chris, an individual whom I had erstwhile regarded as a mere writer, ad precipitated a crisis of confidence, a debilitating self-doubt that now assailed my very sense of purpose. The piercing gaze of his scrutiny, the trenchant critiques that had lacerated my ego, had laid bare the inadequacies of my craft, the vacuity of my creative endeavors.
My thoughts swirled in a maddening vortex, a whirlpool of self-recrimination and defensiveness, as I grappled with the existential implications of Jane’s words.
The Cartesian certainties that had hitherto undergirded her self-image now trembled, threatened by the abyssal doubts that yawned before me like a chasm of uncertainty. And yet, even as the darkness closed in, Megan discerned a glimmer of hope, a faint luminescent.
And yet, even in the depths of this despair, I detected a glimmer of resilience, a spark of determination that refused to be extinguished.
Then I remembered that I had to be protected and I could not let Chris go away just like that, so I needed to make amends.
With this epiphany, my thoughts began to clarify, my mental tumult giving way to a newfound sense of purpose and resolve. I understood that my creative journey was not a linear progression, but a cyclical odyssey, a spiral of growth and self-discovery that would continue to unfold throughout my life.