I nodded, “Yup.”
Thinking for a minute, he firmly answered, “Then no.”
Really? I have to push him further than, he’ll agree for sure. “Come on, don’t be so hard to get.
“No, Snow.” He said.
“I mean don’t be shy.”
“No.”
I grew tired of it. Damn, huffing, I yelled at him,” Just say yes already!”
“Okay,” he finally said, agreeing to my offer helplessly like he had no other choice. “There, I agreed. Happy now?” He asked.
Perfect. “So, now that we are ‘practically friends'”, I quote. “Maybe you could tell me the reason why you were crying?”
“But did we just have an agreement? I thought you would not irritate me anymore?” he asked.
“But we’re friends now, right? And who said that I will not irritate you? It was not a promise, I said I’ll just try not to irritate you,” I smirked.
WA-ha-ha (evil laugh), I tricked him!
“That’s cheating.” He said.
“But you agreed,” I smirked. He muttered a curse. Having no choice, he said, “Promise me, if I tell you why, don’t pity me and don’t tell anyone,” he said firmly, growling at me. I gulped at that, quite scared but I tried to hide it.
“Y-yes.” I stammered a bit.
He sighed, “It’s my mother’s birthday today,” he averted his eyes, the tone was sad. This took my attention. His mother’s birthday? So that is why he’s crying? I thought the reason was about a girl or something? Well, I shouldn’t judge him then.
“Oh okay, may I ask… where is she right now?” I carefully asked.
“It ‘was’ her birthday.” He said, emphasizing the word ‘was’.
My jaw dropped at that, realizing it. So his mother was dead. Now I know why he was like that.
“No, I don’t want you to take pity on me,” he said, annoyed when he saw my expression.
“But-” I started to protest, but he cut my sentence off.
“You don’t know what it feels like, Snow,” he said sharply and I was silent. The memories with my dad that were now slightly blurred came rushing down at me. I glanced at Eion who looked a mess. Seeing him right now made my heart warm, I can feel what he is feeling. In that state, I saw myself in him when my dad died.
“I do,” I said in a bare whisper. “I clearly know what it feels like,” That made him look at me in shock.
“You’re not the only one who lost a loved one. My father is also in heaven now. I guess that makes us the same thing then. We had lost a very special person,” I smiled sadly, looking at the ground.
He shook his head at that, “No. You are wrong. We are not the same. While I am grieving here, why are you acting like there’s some color left in this world?”
“Because there is,” I replied.
“What is it then? If you know what I am feeling, how do you manage to act like everything is in place?” He asked.
Smiling, I chuckled at him, “Mom and Nathan. I take my courage and strength from them. Stop acting like the world revolves only around you. You don’t know what I have gone through!” I shouted. My vision became blurry and a lump in my throat formed. Tears and tears soon followed and I didn’t realize I was crying.
I breathed heavily and stared at him. “When dad died, my world collapsed and stopped spinning. Our family had been broken. Mom got depressed and Nathan was a kid back then. I always plan to just cut my pulse and be with dad. But then I realize that there is hope. I started to pick myself up and became stronger, for my family. I realize that there are many reasons to live.” The words left my mouth without thinking, my emotions ruling me.
He was quiet the whole time, listening to me.
“I promised dad that I will become strong and replace him. Every day, I remember him. I always remind myself, he was in heaven, looking after us. Wondering what he was doing there with God. I’m sure he was happy. And with that, I learn to accept that everything can’t be with us forever. The world continues to revolve and life goes on. You just have to accept things.” I smiled sadly.
He was still silent, I don’t know if he listened but at least I said out loud my feelings. Now that I think of it, it felt nice. Like a huge brick was removed from my shoulders. I feel alive, I feel free. For a minute we stayed like that, grieving to ourselves. I didn’t talk, and he let silence pass us.
“I miss her you know,” he broke the silence with sincerity.
I didn’t expect him to confess to me, to reveal his weakness to me. But I let him. I let him be weak. Who cares? We were just teenagers who were lost in a world full of madness. I could see he was holding his tears. Sadness, regret, scared, and something I can’t pinpoint are the emotions
I can see in his eyes even if he tries to mask his face. This made me uncomfortable, and a bit worried. Seeing him that vulnerable in front of me, it made me think that people are great at hiding their true emotions. I didn’t even know he was experiencing this. Seeing him like this and not the usual Eion who’s mysterious, intimidating, and annoying.
“It’s okay if you stop, you know,” I said, now feeling guilty for forcing him to tell it to me. So he really had his own reasons. And for once, I felt a great wave of shame. Shame that I was being so rude to him.
“No, it’s okay. You ask me for it so I should finish this,” he smiled sadly. My body froze. Did he just smile? Yes, I saw him smile before. But this is different, this one is sincere. A while ago, he was all glaring and growling at me, and now he was smiling… sincerely… I wanted to say something to ease the tension lingering in the air, but my mouth felt like it was stitched close.
“When I was seven years old, she died. And I regret it. Every day, I think of her. I really miss her, Snow,” he said, slightly slurping.
“Why are you telling me all of this? I just ask you why you were crying, not tell me everything. And now, you’re smiling and all.” I paused, realizing it. “Wait….. are you drunk?” I asked.
He shook his head in answer and I couldn’t help but think about it. He’s actually… adorable.
Wait, what? Did I just say that? Ugh. What am I thinking? Why am I acting strange these days? Gosh, it’s probably the rain and the kind of atmosphere. This is so not me. Standing up, I went to Emma at the counter.
“Did you make him drink something?” I asked her.
She shrugged, “I don’t. He just ordered ice cream. I feel like he drank some beer on his way here though.”
I sighed and returned to my seat. Now that I caught a whiff of the smell of beer from him, I’m certain that he’s really drunk now. “Are you concerned that I was drunk?” he asked me.
“No, I am not. I just ask because you’re the one who’s going to drive. We might get into an accident or something.” I tried to reason out. He seemed to buy this as he chuckled, “Don’t worry, I am not that drunk. Just slight. I can’t control myself.”
“Well, how many is this?” I asked while raising three fingers.
He looked at me like I was insane, “Are you kidding me? I’m just drunk, not a child. I can take care of myself.”