She lets out a shocked chuckle. “Are you joking me?”
“I wish.”
“Oh God.” She pauses for a moment. “What the hell did you do?”
I close my eyes, because it’s mortifying to say it out loud. “I told him his pajamas were cutie patootie pajamas.”
She bursts out laughing. “What? Cutie Patootie? Who says cutie patootie?”
I find myself smiling. She’s right, this really is unbelievable. “And then I dry humped his fridge and started licking scotch off my fingers or something. After that, I came on to him.”
“Jesus. You must be hanging for it.” She thinks for a moment. “Did you have sex?”
I cringe. “No, idiot! He hates me.”
“Oh, bullshit. He was probably loving every minute of it. There isn’t a man alive who could watch you dry hump a fridge and not get aroused.”
“You’re not helping!”
“Did you ask him to have sex?”
I scowl and wrinkle my nose. What if I did? “I can’t stay here. I’m so embarrassed, you have no idea.”
“Well, what did he say to you?”
“He told me off using all these intelligent words I hardly understood, and then he said that I should stick to the position I applied for because the hooker position in his bed, on my back, isn’t available.”
She stays silent.
“Are you still there?” I snap.
“Yeah, the hooker in his bed bit threw me. That’s a kind of hot thing to say, you know? Do you reckon he has hookers in his bed for real?”
“No!” I shriek. “He’s probably fucking gay. Get me out of here!”
“Calm down. We’ll find you another job. Just hang in there for another week or two. Anyway, doesn’t he go away this week?”
“Yeah, on Wednesday.”
“Well then, you won’t even see him.”
“I wish I went home with those two guys last night. I bet I would feel less of a slut than I do now.” I sigh.
“If you did go you home with those two guys last night, they would have taken turns fucking your ass all night, and we would be in emergency right now getting it sewn back together.”
I wince at the thought. “Oh God. Can you imagine?”
“Just suck it up for a few weeks until we find you another job. Take the kids out today, do something fun and outdoorsy so that he doesn’t think you are staying at home, nursing a hangover.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I wonder where I could take them?
“Look, he’s been drunk before, surely. Nobody is that perfect.”
“I honestly doubt it. He stays home and studies his thesaurus.”
She giggles. “Just behave yourself until we find you another job.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.” I shake my head. “But if you ever buy me another cocktail, I’m tipping it over your head.”
She laughs, and I hang up.
I sit for a moment as I process her words, knowing she’s right. I can’t fuck this whole thing up until I get another job.
Which brings me to my next problem: the kids. I march up into the house with renewed determination, and I find them both on the sofa, lazing like sloths with their phones in their faces. “Let’s go out for the day.”
“Pass,” Willow sighs without looking up.
I lift my chin to stare at the ceiling, and I suck in a breath. Please, God, give me the strength to deal with her today. I don’t want to add a murder to my list of misdemeanors.
“It’s a beautiful day, so we’re going outdoors. You can pick the activity,” I announce.
Sammy frowns as he thinks. “We could play golf like Dad does?”
“Hmm. I don’t think your father would appreciate us annoying him.”
“No, Dad has gone far away to play golf. He told me so. We could just play at the country club down the road.”
“We don’t have any golf clubs. What else could we do?” I say.
“We have golf clubs. We can use Dad’s old ones that are in the garage,” Sam replies.
Hmm, I don’t feel like driving around. Unless…
I glance over at the phone constantly attached to Willow’s palm. “Willow, you could drive the golf buggy.”
Her eyes lift to mine. “Really? You would let me drive?”
“Of course, why not?”
She sits up, her excitement stirring.
“I could make us a picnic, we could play some music on our phones, and we could enjoy an afternoon out in the sun.”
Willow bites her bottom lip. She can’t show me she’s excited, that would go against her game plan. “I suppose I could do that… for Sam, I mean,” she eventually agrees. For Sam. Obviously.
I smile and place my hands on my hips. “Well, we just have to wait for a few hours.” I can’t tell them we have to wait until the alcohol has left my system. “But once we’re ready, we’ll go and have fun.”
“Woohoo!” Sammy squeals as he punches the air.
I frown. “What do you wear to play golf in London?”
“Collared shirts,” Willow replies as she takes off upstairs.
I smile. You know, I think they are actually excited.
This could be fun.
Julian
I hit the ball off the tee and we watch it fly down the fairway. “How’s your dick?” I ask Spence.
He rolls his eyes as he stands next to me, holding his golf bag. “Recovered. I’m going back tonight.” He looks down the fairway. “I had to psyche myself up.” He chews the gum in his mouth as he concentrates on his hit. He lines up and smacks the ball high into the air.
I glance at Seb and raise a brow before I look back at Spence.
“Fuck off. Who the hell has to psyche themselves up to fuck two beautiful, kinky women?” I mock as I drag my second ball over to the tee with the back of my club.
He raises his eyebrows at me and tilts his head. “How’s that hot nanny of yours, anyway?” He chews his gum, waiting.
I blow out a breath. “Trouble. She nearly got herself fucked on my kitchen floor last night.”
They both grin, flashing their teeth. “What happened?” Seb asks.
“Came home drunk and horny, waking me up.”
Seb’s eyebrows rise. “And?”
“And nothing.” I take my hit, and we watch the ball fly into the air. “She’s too young. It’s a no go.”
Seb lines his ball up. “How old?”
“Twenty-five.”
“That’s a perfect age. She’s old enough to know how to fuck, loose enough to fuck hard, but tight enough to drive you wild.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, well, she would drive me fucking wild. I already know that. I’m telling you, I’ve never been so attracted to someone in my life.” I get into the golf buggy. “I have to grit my teeth the whole time I’m talking to her so I don’t get a raging boner.”
They smile as we drive down the fairway.
“You should just do it.” I shake my head. “I can’t. My kids seem to like her. I have to behave.” I sigh.
“Fuck the kids.” Spence sighs. “This is all about you. The kids don’t pay her fucking wage, do they?” We pull up at the green. “Get your money’s worth, I say.” He smiles cheekily, popping his gum.
“You just worry about that iron snatch that’s going to rip your cock off tonight.” I smirk as I take out my club. “Leave my nanny to me.”
Brielle
Three hours later, we drive into the swanky looking golf club, and I pull into a parking space.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and the day is perfect. This place is very posh indeed. Rolling green hills stretch out as far as the eye can see. There are groups of distinguished-looking people-all being very conservative and quiet-playing golf together.
We sit in the car for a moment as we look around. “God, these people look so bored, don’t they?” I say.
“Truth,” Willow agrees as she looks around.
“Can we please go in?” Sammy pleads. “You promised.”
I exhale. “Yes, we’re here now. Let’s do this.” I climb out of the car and look down at myself. I’m wearing my navy pants and a white cotton shirt. My hair
is in a high ponytail, and I have my gold aviator sunglasses on. I look like I don’t belong here, but the kids follow me anyway as we go into the reception area. A good-looking young man and a beautiful girl are standing behind the counter. They look to be around Willow’s age. The young man glances at Willow, and then does a double take. She instantly drops her head and bites her bottom lip.
She’s kind of cute when she gets shy. Shy is a lot more appealing on her than evil.
The beautiful girl smiles warmly. “Hello, can I help you?”
“Yes. We would like to play golf, please?”
Her gaze turns to Willow. “Okay.” She smiles at her, and Willow drops her head… again. Oh, she really is shy.
We need to work on this.
“Can we please hire a golf cart, too?” I ask.
“Sure.” She takes a photocopy of my licence and hands over the keys as I pay.
“There are a few rules that you need to adhere to.”
“Such as?” More damn rules.
The handsome young man interrupts the girl as she speaks. “We ask that you don’t cut in front of other players, stay out of the bunkers, and treat the greens with respect.”
“Of course.” I glance over to see Willow is twisting her hands in front of her. This boy is obviously affecting her. How cute.
“This is our first time, but if we like it we will be coming back to learn properly,” I add.
“Oh.” The young girl turns to Willow. “There are lessons for girls on Wednesday afternoons at 5:00 p. m. if you’re interested?”
Willow smiles awkwardly.
Oh jeez. She’s never getting a boyfriend at this rate.
“Your golf buggy is the one parked to the right. Take it easy if you’ve never driven one before.”
I take the keys from the boy’s hand. “Thanks, we will keep that in mind.” I grin at the kids. “Let go hit some balls.”
We walk out, get the clubs from the car, and then we put them into the back of the golf buggy. “You sit in the back, Sammy, and I will drive until they can’t see us. After that, you can drive, Will.”
“Okay.” She bounces her shoulders with excitement.
We all get in and I start the cart. I raise my eyebrows to the kids, and Sammy laughs out loud. “Yes. We are driving.”
I pull out onto the path, and we begin to drive under the stretch of large, green trees. We pass a bunch of golfers and I wave, giving a little toot, toot of our horn.